Seahawks general manager John Schneider has raised the bar to the point where he can acquire the league’s best red zone receiving threat and Seahawks fans are all like, “Eh, yeah, okay.” It’s categorically insane. The Seahawks now have one of the two best tight ends in the world in former Saint Jimmy Graham. Remember all those tight end drops last year? Well forget them! Remember that time the Seahawks had to target Ricardo Lockette at the end of the Super Bowl? Oh god… let’s move on…

The Seahawks acquired Graham and a fourth round pick for center Max Unger and a first round draft pick. This is a fairly steep cost. Unger is a couple years removed from being the best center in football, and when healthy was a huge asset for Seattle’s running attack. But he had not been able to stay healthy either of the past two years. He’s a loss, but his absence is one that we’ve already had to learn how to deal with.

The first rounder that Seattle is giving up means that for three straight years Seattle will be without a first round pick. In those three years the Seahawks have basically wound up with Paul Richardson, Percy Harvin, and now Jimmy Graham as a result. Harvin was a disaster, and Richardson’s knee injury is the cruel, unfortunate gift that will keep on spewing crap onto the Seahawks' plans through this season, but Graham is a proven commodity. In fact the only player capable of stopping Graham is Kam Chancellor, and fortunately the Seahawks already have the only known Kam Chancellor in existence.

This deal could blow up on the Seahawks, especially if they are unable to find a decent replacement for Unger in the draft, but right now the team has one of the top three players in the league at each of the following positions: free safety, strong safety, cornerback, middle linebacker, running back and tight end. That’s cool. That’s very, very cool. AND THAT LIST DOESN’T INCLUDE MICHAEL BENNETT OR RUSSELL WILSON! This team is so good, guys.

The Seahawks also added Cary Williams to replace Byron Maxwell. This move is less cool, but was necessary as Jeremy Lane’s knee injury is the other shit lining of the Seahawks silver cloud. Stop blowing your knees, Seahawks! Everything else you do is so good!

In Soccer News: Clint and Oba Already Vibing

For those of you who aren’t European soccer fans, what Clint Dempsey, Obafemi Martins, and Marco Pappa did in putting the finishing touches on the Sounders opening day 3-0 win over the New England Revolution is often called “trying to walk it into the back of the net.” Weirdly this phrase has a somewhat negative connotation. London side Arsenal is known for trying this to ill-effect; their collective unselfishness means that they miss out on opportunities less technical sides would have put away.

Let’s see how the Sounders version worked out:

(via 30 FPS)

Oh, that worked just fine. In the words of Jay Sherman: hachi machi.

To be level-headed for a moment, the Sounders looked less good than the 3-0 final scoreline indicated. The team’s defense looked great with Chad Marshall imperious as ever in central defense, newly minted defender Brad Evans looking handsome and only making one mistake in his first career start at CB, and newly acquired Tyrone Mears looking Yedlin-esque on the flank. In the midfield, things were shakier. The absence of Osvaldo Alonso means that until he’s healthy the Sounders will not be able to control matches with their midfield as they do when they are at their most dominant. That said, when playing from ahead, and able to strike on the counter? Hachi. Machi.

In Baseball News: Taijuan Walker’s Changeup

Spring Training has started pretty well for the Mariners with only one dumb injury, and a lot of kids hitting jacks. And also Taijuan Walker looking really good. Walker is the player on the Mariners most likely to overachieve this season. And this strikeout pitch on the Padre’s Matt Kemp is why:

GIF: Taijuan Walker gets Matt Kemp with the splange. pic.twitter.com/w0EQrKSuGI
— Colin O'Keefe (@colinokeefe) March 5, 2015

Hnggggggg.

That’s a changeup. It’s going 89. It’s diving. You know who else has a changeup that goes 89 and dives? Felix. Hernandez. The King.

If Taijuan Walker is Le Petit Prince this season? We’re going to have a lot of fun.