Comments

1
Well, that was impossible to read.
2
Dude, paragraphs.

Paragraphs.
3
Another fucking Transformers' movie?

Oh, okay, so that's why Shia LaBeouf is suddenly showing his ass even more than usual.

Extinction? Sounds like a good plan.
4
The biggest problem I've had with the Transformers movies is that the action sequences are shit. The character designs are too busy so it's hard to differentiate one from the other. It ends up being a big noisy mess onscreen.

Of course it's always a bad sign when the plotting has taken a step down from the original cartoons as well.
5
I'm impressed by how long it took me to realize that this was a one-sentence review.
6
I cannot imagine any reason why I would be compelled to see this explosive turd. But since I am over the age of 14, I am clearly not in the target audience.
7
Better to see Snowpiercer instead

Or my SIFF fave, Obvious Child - it really is fun!
8
paul.. i cussed you out, in my mind, down one side and then upside the next, because you said that transthreemers was worth watching. and it most certainly was not. now you say that this one is ?.. because..
transcendental mayhem... errkay.
9
@5
I was impressed by how Quickly it took me to realize it was one sentence. Lying. I didn't read any of it. 5 times out of ten I'm on Slog for the comments. Ted @2 once again shows up to share his enlightenment.
10
The long winding sentence, the parantheticals, finally ending on a question mark-- Ladies and gentleman, you've just witnessed what it would be like if William Faulkner reviewed a Transformers movie.
11
Anybody else watch The Rock every weekend? Or is it just me and Kojima?
12
Impressive use of commas. Reminds me of a sentence in German.
13
That's a 21st Century hypothetical I don't care to entertain. Simple enough to post a Faulkner short story. It's a cantaloupe and watercress salad compared to a Micke D Happy Meal movie review.

http://www.theshortform.com/story/barn-b…
14
Also, too, I have to commend you, Paul, for that truly amazing page-long sentence. You probably worked harder on that one sentence than Michael Bay did on the entire so-called plot of the movie. Well done, sir.
15
I think Paul has touched on the only way to review a Michael Bay movie: with one long run-on sentence with lots of parentheticals and exclamation points, because Michael Bay movies are the run-on sentences of cinema.
16
*Laughs delightedly*

One sentence, 823 words (so my word processor tells me). This deserves wider exposure.
17
@15 absolutely nails it. Great job, Paul!
18
@Frizzelle: And a bonus.
19
@4 - totally agree. I can get down with a dumb movie for some fun action, but there's just too much going on in these, it's all a big mess that makes my eyes glaze over and ears bleed. Also, why do the magic vehicle missile firing robots prefer to fight in the style of a martial arts film? Is there any rules in this universe?

Also, pretty sure I saw a transformer RIDING a Dinobot in the commercial. Unacceptable.
20
A recent Michael Bay movie that's surprisingly not awful: Pain and Gain.
21
I didn't even read that out loud and I'm out of breath.
22
@16
do you really think it deserves wider exposure? what are we to do about it?

IDEA: go to a different blog and preferably cut and past the whole Movie Review as a comment. if you want to be normal, just provide the link. come back to Slog and direct us with a link. All of us commenting here then will go to that Blog and make comments. You say it deserves wider appeal. What to do about it? What to do about it? If you're just saying it 'deserves' wider appeal (and nothing to be done about it), then of course, i disagree.
23
Bob Lee Swagger ("Shooter") trounces Cade Yeager every day of the week.
24
@15: Finally, someone gets it! Jeez.

@20: Not on your life, Wahlberg. Even the inclusion of Shalhoub, Corddry, Harris, and Stormare is insufficient to offset how awful that looks.
25
Trigger Warning for transphobic slurs.
26
Well. Saw the movie on the weekend, with 3 of my sons- in 3D on IMAX . I love Mark and Stanley. It was sexist.. Couldn't work out who the baddies were, in the fighting scenes, a twee ending/ but hey, it was fun..

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