For shame, Dan. Not suggesting that she use Chrome Incognito Mode or something?
Incognito Mode : weird Google search queries :: condoms : gonorrhea

Sounds like a job for DIY-guy or DIY-gal.

1) Take a dildo you like the shape of.

2) place it in plaster of Paris, tip down, having coated it with vegetable oil as a mold-release. Let the plaster of Paris harden.

3) pry out the dildo. Now you have a "female" mold of that shape.

4) place an 1/8" rod from the base (where you pulled the dildo out) to the tip. This will be the passage through which liquid are fed to the sub. Coat the rod with vegetable oil

5) pour in the molten plastic of your choice. I'm partial to HDPE - high density polyethylene (milk cartons and yogurt containers) because of its food-grade, non-allergenic properties and very wide temperature range. While it is still molten, press in an adaptor to a brand of nursing bottles. Then you can have inter-changeable reservoirs of apple juice (pee), yogurt (sperm), chocolate sauce (devil sperm?), etc.

I post like this all the time on homebuilder and MYOG (make your own gear) backpacking sites, but this is a first for me on SLOG.

Easier yet: go to a community-college shop class, explain your need, and offer some nominal ($50) price for the best solution to your problem. After all the guys in the class cream their pants, they will start trying to outdo each other to provide you with the most realistic, functional model they can.

Has this woman never been to or seen a bachelor party? Penis straws for all (they aren't usable for anything else, but still).

Well, this just reads like old times. Thanks Dan, fun one!

(full confession: I can't even figure out what exactly it is they're looking for or expect it to do functionally. It sure was fun to read though.)

Okay, I am a 100% straight, never had any feelings of any kind for men, love the female form in all its forms, love me some lady parts, straight guy. But damn, Terry is one handsome, handsome man.

This seems rather role-specific; very Greek. Only what happens to the older partners in this model when the younger ones (and maybe they themselves) age out of the desired range? Do they keep on with teenagers, or do they level up, in their thirties becoming the younger partners again with those in their forties, etc.?

I'm unusually neutral about the letter and writer, my strongest reaction being mild surprise about her use of the L word in the last sentence. I shall guess that "help a lady out" is both a much more common phrase in other parts than it is in any circle in which I've moved, and that its general intent has become so innocuous that it's taken to be much less non-feminist than it sounds.

on the off chance someone is genuinely looking for suggestions, she appears to be describing apparatus for feeding calves

She would likely find exactly what she was looking for from an animal husbandry catalog or feed store that carries products for the Cattle in Seattle
Homo Bovine Idioticus

I read the letter twice and still don't understand exactly what they are looking for - for one thing, how big should this thing be? And how is if supposed to be used? I don't see how one can consume a lot of broth from a full-size dildo thingy. Especially if it's hot. Then it just becomes outright dangerous.

You could probably adapt a ftm pee packer for this

Heck, this one might not need any adapting at all: http://www.stp-fitz.org/

It sounds like she is looking for a durable whizzinator that can double as penetrating toy to pound people and then pull out to deliver an editable, I mean edible liquid,

short of the real thing, synthetic appendages are nearly impossible to manufacture that serve two purposes, and does them both very well. You can make a dildo that's good for pounding and you can make one good for squirting liquid, but to make one that's good for both you won't get anywhere near the performance you of the single purpose dick/dildo

The straight boy doth protest too much, methinks.

Nope. I don't. Not a smidgen gay. I love gay people, all for gay rights, want gays in every elected office of the land. But I'm not in the least gay. I only emphasized the point to make a humorous comment on Dan's BF's handsomeness.

But I am always amused how some gay people think everyone is at least a bit gay.

I attended a bachelorette party where the soon-to-be bride was required to drink her libations out of a dick bottle, it had a straw coming out of the hole. It was basically a water bottle, flesh-colored, shaped like big penis, you filled it from the bottom. Probably could find it at a sex shop, I would think...

I guess maybe I'm not clear as to what the LW is wanting. I don't think you would actually be able to fuck someone with this.... but... maybe? It was pretty large.

@15--Swing and a miss, fella. But you're entitled to your amusement, it's all good. And you can relax, I was just teasing. Totally love the gays too. Gay, gay, gay--how awesome are them gays, hey?

I believe he's Dan's husband, btw.

Letter writer here! Thanks so much for all the help. We're going to explore the nipple option Dan provided and the ftm pee packer option.

For those of you who didn't quite get what we wanted-- basically just something shaped like a dick to feed someone out of. It doesn't need to be able to be used during sex.