Comments

1
Oh, to have that dude's "problems..."
2
I remember this letter. On second reading, I think she should dump him. He clearly doesn't appreciate all the awesome she brings to his life, and he is an ass for making her feel pressured and/or guilty all the time. That sounds exhausting. What a pouty unappreciative little boy she is dating. DTMFA
3
Reminds me of an ex of mine whose previous boyfriend would tell her he needed to have sex with her every day or he'd get blue balls. I don't know that you need to dump him immediately, but you need to give him an ultimatum: Shape up and stop bitching because he has it amazingly, or get dumped. Then follow through. You can tell him something like he gets one warning a month or something, but he's either a self-involved immature child, or he's being a manipulative shit. In either case, if he can't shape up, DTMF, and then go enjoy the company of someone who will appreciate all the things you're willing and able to do without bitching about the things you can't do.

Don't go with Dan's theory, because if it turns out he loves getting pegged, you're in the awkward position of having to agree to something that hurts.
4
Dan's advice is perfect.

If they were older and (presumably) more experienced/worldly, then maybe she should just dump him.

But they're not. They're basically still kids. It'll be a good lesson for him to learn. Otherwise he'll just have to learn it from the next one.

/present tense, past tense, old letter...
5
There's a difference between having a high libido and thinking that your partner is completely responsible for satisfying your high libido at all times, and entirely through vaginal intercourse. The other types of sex she's offering are still fun and still sex. And when none of that is offered, TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN DAMN SELF.
6
Maybe training is possible? Tell him you'll initiate sex at least every other day if he stops bugging you. But if he bugs you, that resets the clock.
7
@6,

Maybe he's not a dog? Since when is using sex as a reward or punishment a good idea?

If he didn't shape up, I hope she dumped his ass.
8
I believe the correct response is, "You're right. I don't want to have sex with you. You're acting like a whiny little child, and whiny little children are not my type." I'm really more in favor of DTMFA. Trying to both push your partner to have unwanted sex acts combined with insulting your partner for not wanting them is pretty serious. Let them learn by being dumped. He gets cranky and he whines and she feels guilty. That's a broken dynamic. Maybe I just have less patience for playing the role of a parent to a sex partner. But she really does make him sound like a guy with all of the maturity of a toddler.
9
I have no idea whether this guy has a "ridiculously high libido" for a 23-year-old. I imagine many would want sex multiple times a day, every day.
What I am sure he has is a selfish, obnoxious, ungrateful, entitled attitude.

But she's just as much to fault for the horrible dynamic in this relationship: she feels guilty for not having sex with him "constantly." The way this relationship is described she sounds like little more than a sex toy for a whiny, cranky, brat.

I hope they broke up years ago, and then I hope they both grew up.

Dan's advice wasn't cute and it wasn't helpful. This is a clear and classic case for DTMFY---Dump the Motherfucker Yesterday.
10
@7, I think positive feedback works with sex just as it works in other areas.
11
I remember this letter, and I thought the wisest comment was that they don't seem to have the "friend" side of bf/gf. "Whenever we sit down together, he's immediately horny."
12
Dan, you're wrong. This isn't about a poor little vagina that is getting reamed too much. Lots of vaginas can take intercourse every day and it's not too much for them physically. This is about jerky, selfish, pouty, whiny, tantrum-y attitude and behavior. It's not that she's "on the receiving end of all that dick" that's the problem; it's that she's on the receiving end of SUCH a dick.
13
The last bit from Dan seems to be him not getting how vaginas work.

And plenty of us have sex more than once a day, but whining isn't going to help.
14
Dump him because he's an asshole, not because he wants p in v more often than you do.

And, yeah, my experience as a woman is that if I really am not all that into having sex right now, but what the hell, I'd rather go for intercourse than a blow job or a hand job. It's easier. Dan, a pussy is not a butt.
15
"Then tell him he can fuck your hole whenever he wants, for as long as he wants—so long as he fucks his own hole first, while you watch, for at least 20 minutes or so."

Hah! This is the stuff fetishes are made of. "My girlfriend told me she wouldn't have sex with me unless I fucked myself in the ass, and now I can't get off without a dildo in my butt for 20 minutes!"

With a guy with an insanely high libido like this, it's likely to turn out *exactly* this way.

But hey, maybe she's like my wife, and thinks this is a huge turn-on anyway. Not that the whininess is a turn-on or anything.
16
I dated basically the same guy at basically that same age - plus he had no refractory period, so there was never-ever a respite. Two years in and I'd started hating both him AND sex - even though he was mostly a sweetheart and a good lover, outside of this (admittedly glaring) issue. I dumped him in year three. Thing is? ten years later, I'm still really good buds with him, and the sexual entitlement he displayed in those years has never ever left him. He's a serial CPOS now, and the same selfish obtuseness that allowed him to be such a demanding, whiny, pressury partner now seems to allow him to justify a lot of fairly unforgivable behavior.

I too hope this girl dumped him years ago, because I will never stop thanking the proverbial Lord that I got out before he started cheating with prostitutes. This kind of behavior is a REALLY bad sign.
17
@16: Why are you friends with this guy?
18
I sincerely hope she's dropped that douchebag since the writing of this letter.
19
@17 - a combo platter of reasons. For one, well, y'know how after fifteen years of friendship you can wind up loving somebody dearly despite rather glaring faults? Well, there's that.He's an excellent individual when you aren't navigating sexual boundaries with him. And he started late, y'know, sexually speaking - he got zero touch of any kind 'till he was 22 (that was me) and like the other guys I know in that category he seems to be similarly delayed in ageing out of the typical early-20's guy Bang-Everything Modus Operandi. He is learning, but slower and later than the friends I have who were even marginally sexually active in their teens.
We have honest conversations, and he knows how I feel about his behavior, and I don't spare his ego when he trips on his dick and falls on his face.

And while I do feel morally compromised at times I also feel like one of the reasons he lets himself off the hook for things he shouldn't is that he's received almost no pressure from his male friends to behave any differently - a lot of mutual behavior-excusing goes on there. I want to fight on the other side of that equation, and I can't do that if I just say "fuck you, dick-bag, we aren't friends anymore".

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