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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
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Don't ask a question if you fear the answer.
Was the guy Catholic? Sounds like he had Catholic damage, or maybe Mormon.
But then how can you beat the other person over the head with their past for the duration of the relationship?
Those are clearly pathological belief systems, but how about the one we all mostly present and that Dan promotes, "Your kids deserve not to be burdened imagining their parents as a sexual beings."? Part of that artificial image of their parents is that mom and dad had no partners before they met. How much does that BS contribute to the myth of "The One" and how the ideal spouse/mother is so chaste? Likewise, that attempted presentation of effortless monogamy contributes more than the media to an assumption that monogamy is easy and completely satisfying.
It’s a sick game. The world would be a better place if people would just accept that there’s nothing new under the sun, and everything you can do with a person has probably been done long before you got there."
-from a film
Just spitballing who would be out in the woods and would fall for that story...
I met my wife when we were both in our 30s. We both (correctly) assumed that we had fucked a bunch of people before we started dating each other. We'd be kinda weird otherwise.
I feel the term "Harem" is more accurate than "Madonna/Whore complex." It is more descriptive of the mania/psychology of chauvinism-- The male can have many female partners, who must be virgin before they met him, and have no partners from now on. Women are there for sex/keeping the house and nothing else. Any males in the picture are threats and must be emasculated somehow. If they're gay, they've taken away the male's power to emasculate, and is thus worse than a threat: they must be exterminated. A man who has sex with an ex (or "former member of the Harem') is getting "sloppy seconds" and is to be derided. Unless they "stole" the female, in which case they are a threat, as well as the "stolen property" which is now a whore.
I could go on, but you get the idea. Harem thinking can be smelled for miles. Ladies, if you get even a whiff, run.
Let me tell you, it's nice not to have that problem.
[And for the record, I sprang fully formed from the foam of the sea.]
I feel for the letter writer. My first husband had that same hang up. He was much younger than me, and I was his first, so really it was the Harem thing kind of turned on its head in a way I guess. Anyway watching Chasing Amy with him, film which I love, did not go well.
He managed to make me feel bad about being friends with my exes, but since at the time I lost my virginity in 1983 at the tender age of 20 he was 9 years old, trying to pitch that somehow I should have waited for him just wasn't going to fly with me.
Yup. Speaking here as an atheist who once dealt with having these hangups. Except I didn't try to guilt the other person and kept the problem how it should be: mine and only mine.
...sorry. I get a little edgy. This libel case against Cicero is dragging through the courts, and fucking Boticelli--the fucking Medici-Anus-Sucking Fuck of aPaparazzo I...
Jeez, I'm sorry...I gotta go.
Just don't get a migraine.
@6 - I love my wife dearly, despite a ginormous experience gap, but yes, you are a thousand times correct: people who don't appreciate sluts don't deserve them; pearls before swine, IMHO. Not all of us have an issue with a (more) experienced or freaky partner.
Bottom line: she's happier because she isn't stuck with someone who doesn't respect her - it could simply be looking down on (having contempt for) her for some other reason - financial, religious, etc., differences.
DS FTAW
*Dan Savage for the Accidental Win
- Chris Rock, Bring The Pain
@Alanmt 44 : LOL !
@Fortunate : sooo true !