And for the record, us gays are a lot more relaxed (as a rule) about the possibility of being "monogamish." So maybe Daddy will let his favorite boy go out and play with others, or even bring them home to play with you both!

Be glad, GN, that you found a man you love and respect and enjoy being with. Worry about the age difference when he brings it up, not when you think outsiders are whispering about it or when your relatives are making unhelpful remarks. Your relationship is yours, not theirs. When you and he are ready for a child, or children, you'll be ready. If it doesn't happen with him, it's not the end of the world. Perhaps you'll get to be the gay uncle who takes over raising a sibling's child for some reason; perhaps you'll find yourself in a different relationship and raising that man's child. Don't look to the future for validation and don't look to outsiders for it -- relationships are ever-changing things, which is part of why they're so wonderful. And remember, although it may be difficult to understand now with your hormones operating nearly at peak, the conversations you have with him are at least as important as the lovemaking, and the memory of them will last a lot longer.

My college friend married a much older guy and was worried about the age difference. My advice to her was something like, "Life is unpredictable. You both might get sick and die anyway. Love with the assumption that you'll never die, never get divorced, never fall out of love. Life is going to happen to you anyway and there's no point "preventatively" self-immolating."

GN, you need to separate two things very, very quickly, or your life is going to start sucking: your attraction to your boyfriend of two and a half years and your attraction to 50+ cuddly bears.
Dan's outlined the possible issues in your current relationship. You need to address them. The outcomes are either you'll stay together or you'll break up. If you end up breaking up, do it for the right reasons. Growing apart and growing up are good reasons. Regretting not finding something that you're not sure you're looking for is a piss-poor reason, and I've had any number of friends who I thought had far more sense do exactly that in the past few years (sacrifice a good relationship for something they think will be better that they never achieve, usually in such a way that they burn a lot of bridges behind them).
On to the far more important point and your hope for a "normal" gay relationship. WTF is normal anyway? Dating someone who could be mistaken for your brother instead of your father, getting a house with a white picket fence (if you can afford the mortgage), and adopting a kid because adopting kids is the new normal for gay men?
Hate to break it to you, the odds of your desire for daddy bears (at least as you've described it) going away approaches zero. Expanding to include other things, sure, but what's at the core of your sexuality? If you jumped into a relationship with this guy, particularly at that age, you did it for a reason. Congrats. I've got a chaser friend who does a LOT of big-boy 101 with guys, usually in their early 30s, who have finally come out of the fat-loving closet (and this is LA, so it's way deeper than some places). The number one reason they've waited so long is that they were afraid what their friends would think if they dated a big guy. They spent 10 years plus denying what they wanted to conform to some idea of what a normal relationship was supposed to be. Don't. This is about your happiness, not what your friends or your family think of you.
Anyone who thinks that age gap is insurmountable, screw them. It brings a set of issues to the table, but every relationship brings a set of issues with it. And if your friends are on you about your relationship because it doesn't look like theirs, get some new friends.
Don't find yourself two years into a relationship with a 30something and realize you've starting looking at all the hot bear DILFs because really the hot daddy bear desire never went away. (Alternately, if the 50+ cuddly bear isn't a core desire, make the breakup a good one, not a horrible, bitter one.)
There isn't anything wrong with wanting variety (see any of Dan's columns on the subject) and there are any number of ways to address getting it (ibid). But make decisions based or your own desires, not other people's expectations. Good luck.

@4 for the win.

@5 is pretty good, too.

My advice is: if you're thinking about ditching the relationship, do it sooner rather than later. Stringing him along for another decade, then trading him in for a younger model is unfair to him.

But seriously, as an almost-54-year-old man with a 31-year-old boyfriend of 8 years (he was 23, I was 46 when we met) the key is probably giving each other a long, long leash.

Mostly good advice, though being able to produce an egg is not the only consideration when it comes to being too old for optimal parenting.

One interesting question this letter raises for me is whether one ought to look at FF, MM and FM 28/61 parenting combinations differently. Another is whether there would have been a prominent Dump in the response or comments had there been no disparity in age but had chances for parenting seemed equally slim.

This letter also made me wonder about Mr Maupin, and a quick check revealed to me that I had completely missed the follow-up novel about Ms Singleton. (Has Mr M blotted his copybook? One misses so much.)

There is nothing wrong with having a relationship with someone 30 years older than you if you are both happy. But don't have kids. As a practical matter, 60 is too old to have kids. Odds are less than 50/50 that he'd live to see your kid(s) reach adulthood. He's not going to have the energy necessary to deal with teenagers. You'd have to do most of the work, and would likely end up a single parent.

You want kids - does your boyfriend? Because if he does, then there's absolutely no reason to let the difference in your ages have any effect on that aspect of your decision. And if he doesn't, then you're incompatible for long-term bliss no matter what your ages are.

Older men could be a phase, or you could just be a gerontophile. I'm one, and I have met several others. I've never been attracted to guys under 50. Many people will not understand this, even sometimes the men who are the object of your attraction. But it's perfectly normal. My family and friends accept me for who I am, and I've reached the point where I don't care what other people think. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we are very happy. Yes, our 30 year age difference presents certain unique challenges. But there are challenges in every relationship. There are also advantages. When we first got together I had left college because I couldn't afford it. He was in a position in his life where he could help me get my education. Now, he's retired and I am the one bringing home the bacon.

We get mistaken for father and son sometimes. It use to bother me. Now, I just find it funny to see how oblivious some people can be.

I get the anxiety thing, too. I used to have anxiety attacks about how whoever I fell in love with would die and leave me alone. And that's always a possibility. But I could get hit by a truck tomorrow, too. Every relationship ends, and none of them end well. Either one person dies or you break up. You can waste your time worrying about what's going to go wrong or you can just enjoy what you have.

Sounds like you are falling out of love with your partner and are looking for a logical objective reason that makes sense on paper. Since he's still a great guy and all and you *should* be in love with someone like that.

I would guess your mother and sisters are picking up on your hesitation and trying to keep you from doing the "gosh darn it, this person is very nice and everything I said I wanted so I'm staying" thing.

Mr Shawn - Does "gerontophile" properly apply beginning at 50? I'm reminded of *Rumpole and the Miscarriage of Justice* in which Guthrie Featherstone, then about 54 or 55, depressed when the Court of Appeal overturned a life sentence he imposed and called him reckless, accepted a chance invitation to a dance club, then the next day, meeting Rumpole and Claude Erskine Brown at the Sheridan Club, recklessly exaggerated the evening into a hint of how many young women - girls, even - preferred an older man as a partner in every sense of the word. Rumpole then asked if gerontophilia (that was likely the first time I ever heard the word) were the order of the day, to which Guthrie replied that he didn't mean Rumpole's age, but the slightly [? that was a stretch] older man, adding (and all recklessly within hearing of a member of Hilda's and Marigold's bridge club) that the evening was successful in every possible way.

I think he wants to leave, feels the exaggerated sense of guilt that comes with first love (when you haven't yet worked out that breaking up with a nice person won't kill them and doesn't make you a monster), and was asking for permission. The phrasing "I love him and he's madly in love with me" suggests an imbalance of feeling that's becoming uncomfortable. If it really is just about what other people think, yes, of course he should just relax and try to enjoy himself. But I suspect those attractive 30-year-olds may have something to do with it.

He could also consider medical attention for the anxiety. Attacks are no fun, no matter the cause.

Yes, 7, 14, 16.

You're allowed to stay in a relationship that's not forever for you, as long as your partner knows that. It's definitely not fair to stay when the other person thinks it's forever and you don't. If they are looking for a lifetime partner, they deserve to know that you're not that. There is a lot of unnecessary heartbreak involved when you find out your "forever" whom you've been factoring into your major life decisions knew all along they weren't actually your "forever".

He's never been in a relationship before, so he doesn't know how to end something. Leaving someone who is madly in love with you, is good to you, and hasn't done anything wrong is hard. But it's your life. And if you want to sow your oats, go do the sowing. If your lover is the right one, you may eventually end up back together anyhow.