Comments

1
Workplace relationships are risky. Relationships with your boss are much, much riskier. What happens when it sours? Bosses have the power to make work so much more hell than coworkers.
2
Oh come on, Dan -- it's one thing to have an office fling / romance / affair / whatever with colleagues but it is NEVER a good idea to have any sort of intimate relationship with anyone up or down one's reporting chain. It's such a bad idea that there's a whole metric shit-ton of case law that's come about when people don't realize how bad an idea it is.

It's such a bad idea that your suggestion of #3 above could probably get the woman fired, and texting it to her boss would almost definitely get her and/or her boss fired.

3
No matter how careful they are, their coworkers are going to know something is up, just from the apparent special treatment. Every place I've worked, that's always a major topic of gossip, who's sleeping with who and getting promoted.

This is such a not-good idea.
4
The question here is usually how bad things would be in a worst-case scenario. By which I mean a perfectly normal ill-tempered breakup in which people are hurt and don't want to see each other. So chain of command is problematic, have to see each other all the time is problematic, one person inclined to drama (running sobbing from the room, delivering a dramatic speech, silent treatment, etc.).

How well do you know him? Workplace romances go best when people know and trust the other person to be fully professional if/when things don't work out. The open marriage thing does have the potential for messiness in terms of whether he understands the no-getting-emotionally-invested-here side that seems to be part of your deal with your husband. And having a boss-with-benefits has its own problems, not the least of which is the low opinion of everyone else in the company. (Which will affect your next job search.)

5
Fuck. Somebody. Else. Is this your dream job, worth living apart from your spouse, or not? Do not fuck this up by fucking your boss. You're making 25 year old married career ladies look bad and I take that personally.
6
And what 2 said about following Dan's advice in (3) being a good way to get yourself fired. Do not leave a paper (or electronic) trail, especially not on the company stationary (or servers).
7
It's a horrible idea. Find someone else. If she's going to mess with him, transfer to a different department at the least, even though that would still be potentially troublesome.

And frankly, if I found out something like this was going on with my boss and my coworker, I'd probably want them both fired.
8
Um...news will get around that she's fucking the boss. It always does - sometimes even when she isn't fucking the boss - when someone appears to be getting all the breaks over everybody else.

Let me tell you something that your mama obviously didn't tell you, hon. If you need your job, if you haven't another position lined up? Never, ever, never, never start fucking your boss.
9
I'd like to emend my comment. This could be a good idea only if her dream job is as a porn actress or technician and her boss is a porn director or producer.
10
This is a monumentally bad idea, and it WILL blow up in the LW's face. If this truly is her "dream job," then she should be taking that into consideration when thinking about whether or not to fuck her boss and inevitably get fired. And she will get fired, along with her boss. I'm honestly surprised Dan didn't just tell her this is an awful idea.

Also, the LW cites her business travels as the reason for opening things up, yet she's pursuing her boss who is presumably local to her? Doesn't quite add up, though if the husband gave the OK, then whatever. Just sounds like they opened their marriage up for odd reasons.
11
Rule No. 1: No Fishing Off The Company Pier.
12
This is an awful idea. Work politics can be hellish enough without sex, they are worse if two people are sleeping together, and if those people are not at an equal power level and in the same chain... DANGER, DANGER.

Do. Not. Do. This.

I would tell your boss that you had a great time, but that you need to keep your relationship on a strictly professional level. This doesn't preclude going out for drinks, but it absolutely precludes having dinner with him unless all the other people from the office are too.
13
Data Point: I have found myself in the position of her boss's boss. And I fired both of them. Instantly.
14

IMO - dream jobs are much harder to find than hot fuckbuddies. If I were in these shoes I'd find a different hot fuckbuddy that did not put my dream job at risk.
15
@12 I wouldn't even say that. If he doesn't bring it up, I would stuff it down the memory hole and pretend it never happened. And work my ass off to prove myself to my coworkers so nobody thinks the special treatment is noteworthy.

Show of hands, who has their dream job at 25? Good lord has this woman seen the unemployment numbers for our generation? Go on and get yourself sacked-- someone else will be happy to have your job instead.
16
The only time it isn't a terrible idea to fuck your boss is after you've given notice.
17
I'm glad I stuck to a no-dating-co-workers rule myself, back when I'd been promoted enough to have underlings but was young enough to be hit on.

That said, two points no one else has made yet:

1) We "know" workplace romances (WPRs) "always blow up" for the same reason we think open marriages (OMs) aways fail. We only hear about unsuccessful WPRs and OMs. We don't hear about successful ones because if BOTH partners are discrete and can wind things down civilly NO ONE ever hears about it. If instructors couldn't date their students at SFSU in 1955, I wouldn't be here. Because my mother's best friend told her she ought to take Geography 120 because she'd like the instructor. Really like the instructor. Her friend was right.

2) Yes, if they are not discrete, it can blow up badly when co-workers get their licks in. But it blows up much worse for the boss than for the underling. The boss is an adult who can do his own risk-reward calculations. 25 years old? There are other dream jobs out there. It sounds like the flirtatious behavior has put her on the fast track already. They will both have to more than live up to their professional personas between 9 and 5 and that will benefit each of their careers and professional development. Some nookie on the side can be a powerful motivator to keep their noses clean when anyone else is around.
18
DO NOT FUCK YOUR BOSS. Never, ever, ever. Unless you've got a better job lined up, because you're going to need it in three, two, one....
19
I know everyone said this. But sleeping with him is a monumentally bad idea. Dan, I love you, but that was shit advice. Depending on the size of her field this could haunt her for the rest of her career. Nonononono. Find someone else hot to fuck and just keep the attraction to the boss an unrealized fun fantasy. You'll have more fun long term at work that way anyway.
20
Keenly illustrating the differences in workplace norms between the Stranger and everywhere else? Just sounds like a recipe for disaster, though that seems to be exactly what the letter-writer is craving.
21
Think of the co-workers. You have no idea how simoultaneously boring & horrifying it is to work around people who are fucking. Already she is receiving the benefits of sexual favoritism, so while she may not be inclined to pursue a sexual harassment claim, others might. And they would be within their rights.
22
Are you familiar with the phrase "Caesar's wife must be above suspicion?" If not, Google it.

Now for my advice, for the love of God, Cthulu, and all other deities, DO NOT FUCK YOUR BOSS!!! Once your fucking becomes common knowledge in the office (and it will, unless you can hide all body language, conversation that is more personal than typical office, awareness of each others likes and dislikes, all the aspects that come with being intimate with another person) both of your careers will be poisoned if not permanently, for the foreseeable future.

In the eyes of your co-workers, every interaction you and your boss have will be tainted by this. If you get a good assignment, if your company ever has to lay people off and you are not let go, if you get new office equipment, a nice cubicle or office, a performance bonus, everyone will be assuming that the two of you fucking played a role. You will be office slut-shamed until you quit and go to a different job. And keep this in mind; you are 25 years old. You do not have much job experience. If you leave and try to get another job, they will check your references and they will learn that you were having sex with your boss and they will not want to hire a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.

Now let's talk about your boss. All that people will know is that he fucked you. Your open marriage, the fact that you wanted to fuck him, ALL of that will be irrelevant. They will see a man who fucks women who he has authority over. Every time a woman gets a negative performance review, she will wonder if he is trying to coerce her into providing sexual favors to improve her evaluation. His supervisors will assume that this is not a one time thing and that he will try to fuck other women, women who WILL sue over sexual harassment. Do you know how often supervisors try to coerce subordinates into sex or will accept it as a bribe? The assumption is that bringing sex into a professional relationship invites cronyism, favoritism, or outright illegal behavior.

And lets face it, HE IS ALREADY GUILTY!!! The two of you almost had a one night stand and now he gives you preferential treatment. Whether he is trying to buy your silence or find his way into your pants, your relationship is no longer strictly professional and you are benefitting from it. You had better hope to god that Dan has adequately altered your self description and that no-one at your office reads the SLOG.

The only way the two of you could safely have a sexual relationship is if one of you starts working for a different company. So, burry all memories and affections as deep as you can, and try to have both of you forget what happened that drunken night until you are no longer co-workers.
23
I agree with everyone so to make this comment thread more entertaining here is a conversation that happened in my last job evaluation meeting with my boss (me: out gay female, boss: married man)
boss: have you ever had a boyfriend?
me: no
boss: no?
me: are you surprised?
boss: i just think you are really attractive.. as a woman.
me: huh (weird look)
boss: so i would think men would want to date you
me: umm, ok, but I don't want to
boss: not even try it?
me: no
And to top it off he brought it up again in our next chat and when I suggested that line of questioning might have been inappropriate he couldn't figure out why. Sigh, Chile...
24
Seriously though, this is a terrible fucking idea.

AT A BARE MINIMUM, know what your company's policy is regarding disclosure of romantic relationships among employees. If there is one, and you do not disclose, both you and your boss will be fired if (but more likely when) this gets around. Disclosure may be problematic due to your marital status. Not fair, but them's the breaks.

Even if there is no policy you are putting both of your employment statuses at risk.

If you are a 25 year old woman and even just moderately attractive there is no shortage of men eager to fuck you. Seriously.
25
What I found odd was how a wife w/ an open marriage doesn't understand that if she wants a partner, it's up to her to communicate her situation. Question #3 tells me that perhaps she doesn't have enough experience in the whole 'open relationship' thing to navigate it very well. When you add the word "boss" to this situation, I predict disaster if she acts on her horniness.
26
um....the employer employee relationship does not always blow up in everyone's face.

sometimes it works out quite well.

we all know people who marry first, THEN one of them starts working "for" the other one. So yes, this can be an end result of screwing your boss, too.

that said yes usually it does not work out. just not always.

27
@23: I had a discussion with an Italian woman who was studying in Cambridge (MA) for a year, and she told me that in Italy, women frequently get asked if they're planning on having children during interviews, and if the answer were yes, they'd quite probably not get the job.
28
Whether this is a so-so idea or a terrible idea depends on the type of job. Let's say it is a high pressure independent newspaper in Seattle which prides itself on being uber cool and has high up staff like the world's leading sex advice columnist who is also CNN's go-to gay guy. Probably, your boss won't get fired and your coworkers will be sympatico.

But if it's corporate America. No fucking way. You are at best inviting to get your boss fired. If you like him, that's a very shitty way of treating him.

Either way, texting this is a bad idea. Especially if the company provides the phones.
29
This may be a Very Bad Idea, but it will definitely give her Real Life Experience. Of what not to do next time she is hot for her boss.
30
@17/26: I don't think it's inevitable that it blows up. There are plenty of successful couples out there who met at work, and plenty of broken-up couples who didn't blow up their jobs over it.

It's more a risk/benefit analysis: when you're considering starting a relationship it's with a high likelihood of breaking up (because that's how relationships usually go) and a nonzero likelihood of breaking up messily, and you're taking this risk for someone you don't yet know in a romantic partner sense and with whom you don't yet have any emotional investment, but with a varying degrees of possible professional negatives.

I do, however, think that the odds of keeping it secret are almost nil. Even for people who are good at keeping things strictly professional, there are other people in the office good at reading vibes. And often someone is trying to toss sultry, meaningful looks thought to be invisible to all but the intended target during the Monday staff meeting, or telling themselves that no one is going to suspect a thing about the sleeping arrangements for the Tampa conference because when the two of them are in a room together they just radiate professional discretion everywhere.

Also, @22 has a good point about setting up her boss as the Evil Seducer of Underlings.
31
Horrible idea.

Just fuck around on your work trips with randoms.
32
Let's all marvel that Dan proposes her sending the following series of Cute Texts to her boss. (Quite possibly showing up on company servers as people are expected to be electronically in touch with work 24/7.)

HM: Hey boss. Want to catch dinner Friday, then get naked?
HM: I'm married and I just asked you out on a date.
HM: So I should probably explain that my marriage is open.
HM: Basically, I'm not looking for another partner—and my husband and I aren't looking for a 'third' or anything—but I want to have a fun time while I'm away from home.
HM: I have my husband's blessing.
HM: If you should find a more serious partner while we're fucking, you should go for it.
HM: But in the interim...

Maybe she should include some texts about the drunken making out and sleepover. You know, for context.
33
It's way more than just this one job!

Depending on your field and region, you could end up not just fucking yourself out of this one dream job, but pretty much all of them. There are professional associations, networking and company hopping, etc.; word spreads.
34
Call me risk averse (and I'm not really risk averse at all), but I have a standing policy of No Workplace Romances. *So* many things can go wrong, from jealous co-workers, firings, co-worker playmates that turn out to by psycho, lack of good relationship skills, to harassment charges, or just the gossip-train. Far too much to worry about IMHO.

If the LR is ok with potentially losing her job, or getting her boss sacked, then sure! Go for it! I guess.. But the risks are higher than if you just had a fling with a friend, or someone you met elsewhere.

"And it harm none, do what thou wilt"
35
#4 should be a dealbreaker. Not all workplace romances are a bad idea, but starting one with one's supervisor or supervisee is trouble. The best bet would be to get the engine revved up (discreetly) by being in the presence of said attractive coworker/supervisor and then take all that energy to a sex-actionable partner.
36
Just remember if your boss is a republican, it's sexual harassment. If your boss is a democrat, it's 'being French'

Either way, enjoy getting gonorrhea.
37
My vote's for #4. Like her boss is the ONLY option for her, given that she's in an open relationship?
38
@37: Apparently "Open" means indiscriminate? Getting hammered at the post-work mixer and going home with the boss sounds like a pretty poor idea, whether you're poly or not.

Stop mixing your professional life with personal, LW.
39
Yeah. DO. NOT. FUCK. YOUR. BOSS. If he were equal, or even senior but non-supervisory, I'd advise caution and a good telling of the rules. NEVER fuck someone you report to or who reports to you. If you REALLY want to fuck this guy beyond all reason, transfer to a different office so he's no longer your supervisor and THEN fuck him, rules on the table.
40
So I @17 and "never be Absolute" @26 were cautious but not opposed to her proceeding. I've changed my mind.

Most comments were repeating the conventional wisdom, which, again, is as skewed as the conventional wisdom about open marriage. But the comments that changed my mind point out how, as a 25-year-old woman with the desire to have NSA sex and who has a permission slip from hubbie, she has no end of employment-safe options. (Counterpoint: the supervisor is powerfully motivated not stalk her, etc).

So she should (1) not fuck the boss at this time, (2) realize she would have a hundred emails an hour from a posting on craigslist, Blendr, etc, (3) proceed carefully and remember that she can afford to be very picky because she's a very desired commodity, (4) keep track of the boss because they probably won't still be in supervisory roles at work in a few years.
41
And something no one addressed but always happens:

She's going to have guys beating down her (email) door.

Her hubbie is not.

There will be a reckoning after that sinks in, for him.
42
@41 got me wondering WTF the husband was thinking when he green-lit her and the boss. Is he as clueless as she is? Is he trying to sabotage her career so she will come home?
43
Holy fucking cruller this is bad advice.

As @13 said, I can safely say I would fire my subordinates who were sleeping with their subs. On the spot. It's a sign of bad judgment which I can't afford at my company.

That being said, it sounds like she is new to this open marriage idea, and doesn't realize that a 25 year old woman who is looking for sex but not a relationship can choose any of the other 3.5 billion men on the planet not otherwise known as "boss"
44
@42: While knowing nothing about the situation but what she's said here, he sounds like the "cool dad" of polyamory.

"Uhhhhhh, if I say no, does that make me not sex positive/GGG?"
45
I hear a lot of comments that this affair will come to light--but I can't say I've ever actually heard of someone getting fired over a workplace romance. Sure, gossip gets around--but gossip needs to produce some proof for any disciplinary action. My own anecdotal evidence suggests that workplace affairs are relatively easy to keep under wraps. Although I would probably approach with extreme hesitation if it meant risking my dream job.
If it were up to me, I would advise LW to ride the preferential wave her boss is giving her until she becomes the same rank--and then fuck to their hearts' content.
46
Sure, she could sleep with other guys, but it wouldn't be as thrillingly illicit and dangerous as sleeping with the boss. It's like rock climbing a massive cliff way out there versus going to your local, suburban, artificial rock climbing place.

Plus there's the added thrill of the power imbalance.
47
@45: Two HR reps were sleeping with each other (while married to others) at a company I worked for, both were fired.
48
He's just not into you - you drunk slut. HA!
49
Wow. Look at all the people who say don't do.
Fuck 'em. And your boss. And let us know how it goes. We're all waiting with baitin breath.
50
Copy/paste your letter and email it to human resources.
51
At one of my jobs, the boss was just rumoured to be sleeping with an employee. The rude/crude/down right nasty comments that people have are breathtakingly funny and appalling at the same time. Any time the office door is closed, it's called BJ time. So wear the scarlet letter with pride but not many people will have your back.
52
If fucking him is worth ruining your career and his, go for it. The stigma of having sexed up a subordinate and given her preferential treatment is a career-ender, as well it should be. For you, being 25 getting fired from your dream job for fucking favors out of the boss--no one will believe that's not what you were doing--is also a career-ender, because it'll be impossible to convince anyone else that you were actually competent and weren't just fucking the boss to avoid the consequences of incompetence.
53
Others have all said it better, but I must put in my 2 cents. 3 words that is: Don't do it!
54
My wife and I were in an open relationship, and she fucked her boss. It didn't wreck her job, but it did wreck our marriage.
55
It's potentially a rotten thing to do to her work peer group, as well as a contribution to the pile of things that make legitimate mentoring work relationships look suspicious. That may or may not be a concern. While I'm not a purist about preferential treatment, the extent of this seems to be at least far enough over the line for Boss and LW to be declared no gentleman and no lady, or at the minimum highly ungentlemanlike and unladylike in their conduct in this instance. (This has nothing to do with the marital status of either.)
56
Every comment I read (only about half of them), thought this was bad advice. Does this mean this advice will be withdrawn?
57
@56: I don't think Dan allots us that power. Shortsighted of him.

That said, this column seems really off. I expect Dan to err toward the side of "Sure, go for it, you might have fun; just think about the stupid first and make sure you can handle it." Here he missed things like "As a high libido 25 year old woman open to some no-strings sex, you probably shouldn't fixate on your boss as your only possible source of that" and "Do not send texts, jesus what am I thinking" and "Do you want your nice boss to be labeled the evil sexual harasser of underlings?"
58
You're 25 and you've already got your "dream job". Take a look around and see how many of your age cohort are struggling to break into their field or underemployed in shitty dead end jobs, if they have a job at all. Don't risk derailing your career for a fling with your boss.

If you fuck your boss you'll need to think about an exit strategy. If your exit strategy is to find work as a creative freelancer where your clients only care about your portfolio and don't care about your professionalism, your portfolio better be pretty awesome. Otherwise, the circumstances of your firing or resignation are likely to hinder your career path for years to come especially if you're in the corporate world.

But seriously though, out of all the millions of men out there who you could potentially be fucking, you want to fuck your boss? Don't do it.

The risk-to-reward ratio is too high. Dan really dropped the ball on this one. Unless maybe he edited out some crucial detail from her letter, like her career is in the sex industry, or her boss's boss is a sexually open-minded editor of an alternative weekly newspaper who believes that the solution to every problem is more fucking.
59
I agree that Dan fucked this up. First of all, no matter how good looking you are, it's extremely unfair to your coworkers that you get prefertial treatments because he thinks you're good looking. Do. Not. Do. This.
60
@58: "You're 25 and you've already got your "dream job"."

Eh, she'll probably fail upwards. People this clueless usually do.
61
@Dan -- you might want to think about chartering an inverse law of the Campsite Rule. Perhaps the Uncle Ben Rule for Overly Attractive Young People Who Want to Boink their Hierarchical Superiors: "With great power comes great responsibility"

Or something...
62
Meh. It's a bad idea because I don't think she'll be able to keep the lid on.
I was the boss in a similar situation. I was asked on a date by one of my employees, and I wasn't old/jaded/wise enough to reject the idea out of hand. We dated/fucked for two years, unnoticed by anyone until we sent out wedding invitations. We were together for 10 years. Then we got divorced. See? It always ends badly.
Detail that undermines the comparison: This wasn't her career. It was a part-time editing job while she was in grad school in an unrelated field.
63
I'll go against the tide and say go ahead and fuck your boss.

You won't be the first person to climb the corporate ladder horizontally.
64
Looking back, people know how worth it it was. We fell madly in love so it was totally a great idea. Had I but known (s)he would have a glaring/sobbing festival that no one could fail to notice and comment on I would have said Hell no. We went on three dates, meh but no fallout.

But people decide yes/no to step one without the comfort of knowing how it will all work out. So there's a lot of risk-benefit analysis: How much can you trust this person to be on your wavelength about what's okay at work? How bad are the consequences if management finds out, or if the rest of the office does?

Of course some people find the forbidden aspect more exciting, so the more factors there are that make the rest of us say "wow is that a terrible idea" the more appealing it becomes.

I will say that if you don't want to be out and proud and happy to explain the details of your open marriage at work, you should not be fucking anyone from the office.
65
Incomplete list of possible questions for the reasonably risk-averse considering dating/fucking someone tied to work. (Boss, employee, co-worker, same company different departments, spouse of any of those, high school age child of any of those.)

1) What are the consequences if management finds out?
(Range from you're fired and labeled a ticking sexual harassment suit with legs to future employers, on through to management won't care diddly.)

2) What are the consequences if my co-workers find out?
(Range from destroying your professional reputation on through mild embarrassment to no one cares.)

3) What are the consequences if we break up with some bad feeling?
(Range from mild discomfort if you glimpse each other at the elevators to needing to quit.)

4) How much can I trust this person to be on the same page as I am regarding what's discreet and professional, both during and after a relationship?
(Range from you've been impressed with their dignity and professionalism for a long time to no one in your industry cares to omg want to jump bones what could go wrong.)

5) How serious do I want this to be?
(Range from "I can't believe I'm considering this but I don't want to let you get away" (in which case taking a big risk can make sense) to "jump bones" (in which case attractive women in their 20s looking for nsa sex might consider looking outside their immediate office space: they can probably find someone).)
66
@65: Well, she stated "I'm not necessarily looking for another partner—and that my husband and I aren't looking for or a third—but that I just want to have a fun time while away from home"

All those reasonable questions wouldn't seem to go along with the "regular casual" thing she's attempting to set up whenever she leaves the city.
67
@66: She also stated, "I get the feeling it's far more likely that I'll lose my job than gain any good relationship, sexual or otherwise." She should skip the rest of her letter and Dan's response and go with her gut there.

She does seem unclear on the practical logistics of their hypothetically open marriage. For example, "do what you like on business trips" is a pretty common open standard, but it would normally limit participants to people they just met and won't see again rather than an ongoing affair. (Which for some people in an open-sex, closed-emotional marriage is exactly what they're going for with that standard.) If you use your traveling companion for sex you get the ongoing relationship part--and the date aspect seems like that's what she wants for these extracurriculars--but that seems to drastically limit her pool of possible business trip lays. (Unless she spends two weeks of every month in the Chicago office and so could have a Chicago boyfriend. In which case she can leave all her coworkers out of it.) If the trips involve traveling with or to an oft-encountered set of professional colleagues, then if she wants to be discreet about the open marriage to those not directly affected by it (i.e. to coworkers she doesn't want to fuck) then being seen to nail a string of guys, or the boss, on those trips may not be a good idea.
68
Ahahahaa...ok, it's well covered already but, THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.

Workplace romances do happen a lot, and work out a lot, but there are just so many things to double-check. And yes, they will come to light, even if it's just correctly guess gossip.

Find someone else to fuck.
69
When you talk about fucking your boss, it's not suppose to be literal, more like followed by a figurative *fill in the blank*

Ex: "man, I'm really fucking my boss out of his time... You should see how much facebook time I put in!"

Do NOT literally fuck your boss!!! Unless you want to spend time in the unemployment office!
70
Oh, Dan. Do you do this every so often just to keep your fans from believing you walk on water? Or to get a whole bunch of us to come out of the woodwork and scream NO NO NO in the comment column?

One of the Basic Rules for Being a Grownup: NEVER DATE, FUCK OR PURSUE YOUR BOSS OR SUBORDINATE. So maybe it works out fine 1 or 2% of the time, as a few commenters have mentioned ... are you so mindlessly lust-driven that you're willing to risk the 98% chance that this will ruin your dream job or your boss's career? You're probably not old enough to remember Bill Clinton and someone named Monica Lewinsky... you might want to look it up and see how well it worked out for them.

If you've got your dream job at 25, after "re-entering the workforce," it came without much sacrifice. So you probably haven't lived enough to realize that dream jobs aren't just hanging there like fruit to be picked. Even if you're ready to jeopardize your own livelihood for the sake of an orgasm and a little ego-stroking, is your sexual pleasure really worth trashing your boss's career? You just dodged a bullet. Put your head down, work hard, be ultra-professional. And go pick one of the other gazillion guys who are NOT your boss to be your fuckbuddy.

And, Dan - you've been hanging out at The Stranger for way too long. Texting something like that to the boss? In what universe do you imagine that could turn out well?

71
In-fucking-credible. Not a word about the fact that this girl would get an unfair advantage over her co-workers from fucking the boss. Not a word. All she wants to know is whether she would come out ok, not whether she'd be victimizing co-workers. And that's all DS addresses -- the legal risks to the girl and her boss. Not a word about whether she's doing the right thing by her co-workers.
72
Seriously, ever heard the phrase; "Don't shit where you eat"?
73
Oh goodness gracious.

DO NOT FUCK THE BOSS.

No, seriously. Do NOT fuck the boss. Do not mention anything about fucking to the boss, ever again. In fact, do not mention your drunken evening to the boss, or anybody else at work. Do not make ANY sexual innuendo or jokes in front of your boss (or about your boss). And above all, DO NOT FUCK THE BOSS.

But you can spank it all you like, while thinking about the boss. There's no such thing as thought crime. Scream his name if it makes you happy. Just make sure you do this by yourself, in a place where the boss will never go, and do not discuss it at work, because do not fuck the boss.

And while you are busily not fucking the boss, you can solicit one of those kind gentlemen on Craigslist who would be happy to help you with your problem. The right gentleman can help you not fuck your boss by letting you roleplay that you are doing things with the boss that you will not actually do (because you are not going to fuck your boss), and so you get your happy roleplay, the kind gentleman gets fucked the way you would fuck your boss (which you are not going to do), and everybody goes home happy.

But yeah. Do not fuck the boss.
74
I can't believe no one commented on the obvious. What if she does fuck the boss and he falls in love with her? Maybe she won't fall for him, but if she slept at his house, he is probably not married or attached. Not all men see sex as just a physical connection. If she did fuck him and he falls in love, she will either have to leave this job or work with a man who might not be so pleasant to work with. Just a thought!
75
@71 I agree. Even where all parties (H, W, B) consent, it changes the office dynamic and hurts her coworkers. That's an utterly selfish move for a short-term pleasure she can get elsewhere.

It will follow her. None of those coworkers will give her references.

She seems utterly clueless on how to conduct typical human sexual interaction and should not attempt varsity level open marriage yet.

She really needs to sort out the rules w her husband and develop a personal code of conduct before she screws anyone else.

My prediction: loss of job and husband due to her own ineptitude (and immaturity).

76
@70: "If you've got your dream job at 25, after "re-entering the workforce," it came without much sacrifice."

Exactly. Her concern is still how to land her current infatuation and while the externalities are mentioned, they're handwaved aside. This womanchild knows that even if she's bungled her dream job/marriage/whatever, she has one or two waiting in the wings.
77
What a stupid idea. It can only end badly. Even if you're very careful, co-workers are likely to find out and report you. Then you'll both get fired.

Don't think with your dick, lady.

Please wait...

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