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So I guess she's dating Meat Loaf.
Really? I've always assume the opposite. Of course, I'm a straight man, so what do I know? ;-)
And if he's still clueless, then he'll probably eventually either reach out for advice himself, or drink himself to death.
Unless you take a full-on scrubby shower afterward, some little bit of cum will have escaped the reaches of the washcloth/wet-wipe/towel/tongue, and will be back to haunt you later. Itchy! Embarassing! Way grosser than a mouthful of half-babies.
Not to mention that a good blowjob-giver knows how to get the cock far enough back in one's mouth to avoid tasting the semen if need be.
tl;dr Swallowing is an efficient and graceful way to keep your nookie nook spic and span.
Seriously, I imagine the breath control, gag reflex, tongue, lips and teeth involved simultaneously make things more complicated.
Seems hypothetical anyhow - I don't know any 16 year old that can write that well. Interesting how abortion was downplayed as if it's no big thing - anyone ever hear of the Morning-after pill?
Okay, Dan Savage, you know this how?
Protip for those self-conscious about their blowjob technique: enthusiasm goes a looooong way, more so than any other sexual activity. A gal who looks happy to suck my cock will get me off virtually every time, regardless of her mechanics.
Danny resents the fact that STDs are ubiquitous among homosexuals.
He thinks it would serve society right if heterosexual kids got STDs as much as homosexuals.
His 'advice' to kids is criminally irresponsible, one can only assume he intentionally wants to encourage behavior that will infect kids.
But what the fuck do they know, right?
Always trust a homosexual male over a Public Health Medical Professional.
Right?
Are we right?
If you could read, you would note-
http://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/sexualbe…
DASH has supported the development and evaluation of
All About Youth, a randomized, controlled trial testing two HIV/STD education programs for middle school students: one that emphasizes sexual abstinence until marriage, and one that emphasizes abstinence in conjunction with skill-building activities for condom and contraceptive use.
Guess what, you inbred hillbilly? Abstinence-only education performs worse abstinence suggesting programs that also teach children how to protect themselves from STDs.
yeah;
pleasuring lady bits takes way more finesse.
as all Real Men know.
Danny should stick to canned ham....
If you could read, you would note-
http://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/sexualbe…
DASH has supported the development and evaluation of
All About Youth, a randomized, controlled trial testing two HIV/STD education programs for middle school students: one that emphasizes sexual abstinence until marriage, and one that emphasizes abstinence in conjunction with skill-building activities for condom and contraceptive use.
Guess what, you inbred hillbilly? Abstinence-only education performs worse than abstinence suggesting programs that also teach children how to protect themselves from STDs.
http://www.guttmacher.org/media/nr/2006/…
So if you're insisting everyone be taught to wait until marriage, you're either a hypocrite or a pathetic virgin deeply resentful of the sex everyone else is having.
Thank you for the link.
Someone as good at reading as you will quickly notice that we never said anything about abstinence-only.
Both programs you cite emphasize abstinence.
Ab.Sti.Nence.
And the CDC repeatedly notes that abstinence is the best way to avoid STDs.
Now what were you sputtering about?...
We resent vicious malicious animals giving deadly advice to children.
Children should be taught what they need to know and do to keep themselves safe.
Why do you have a problem with that?
Abstinence is actually very common among high school children.
And that with zero cultural support for abstinence and in fact huge cultural pressures encouraging premarital sexual behavior.
according to Guttmacher more than half of 17 year olds have never had sex and 40% of 18 year olds were still abstinent.
just Imagine if the popular culture supported those children in their attempt to make the healthy choice....
you seem to be the one patheticly deeply resentful.
is that itchy yellow discharge getting to you?
It's easy to be anti-choice when you aren't faced with the prospect of becoming a teenaged parent.
It may also have something to do with me being a vegetarian, which apparently makes cum taste better.
If you want to suggest a "wait until college for intercourse" campaign, however, then I'm all ears. It's a lot more reasonable to ask 16-year-olds to delay penetrative intercourse until they're on their own than to ask them to wait 10 or so years until the average age of marriage. And to suggest they in the meantime, they can do other, non-penetrative recreational activities...
That being said, Timothy @7, undead ayn @14, & al., as a fellator and cunnilinguist perhaps I can give an apples-to-oranges opinion:
Physiologically, I'd say they are different. To 'open mouth, use mouth/tongue/lips to stimulate genitalia' is different than to 'open mouth, use mouth/tongue/lips/mouth/throat to stimulate genitalia.
Oral sex, as a passing interlude in the general mix of things: not much difference. As a primary--and therefore usually extended--effort to bring a partner to orgasm: giving head to women is somewhat easier [physicallly] than to men, but the pace with men is a bit more brisk...I'd call it, on average, a draw [everyone gets to complain about jawcramp].
I can't think of an equivalent to deepthroating or irrumation, so I suppose that varsity oral sex is toughest on the cock-takers, but...
"Sucking cock is physically trickier and more taxing than eating pussy."
"Trickier" depends on the person, and "taxing"...well if it's good, one might pull that muscle today and worry about it tomorrow.
What was the question?
...now can we stop feeding those ugly trolls? They are just looking for a rise after sputtering hate. Anyone who reads Dan's column for any length of time knows he is honest and serious about the use of protection to prevent STDs. The trolls aren't sincere in this complaint. They're just hateful people who dislike (hate?) Dan because (arbitrary reason - pick one or more: homophobia/insecurity/boredom/political ideology/inability to express themselves with measured rationality) ... look at the ad hominem (not so subtle) attacks to prove this.
if Dan had said, "and beware the very real threat of STDS," these trolls would find something else to attack Dan for .
and.... I'm out
if..........
the behaviors Danny advocates are guaranteed to produce STDs and out-of-wed children.
surprisingly, our society has skyrocketing rates of both.
"sex positive" behaviors do not destroy lives and societies.
Danny is a spokesprincess for the team that manages 20% HIV rates and 68% rates for other STDs.
let us guess, you look to Roseanne Barr for diet advice as well........
you should explain it to Danny.
what he advocates is wildly ineffective, and malicious; actually raising teenage pregnancy and STD rates.
Maybe I've watched too many episodes of Seinfeld, especially the one with the abortion pizza and Elaine finding out that the guy she was seeing was anti-choice.
FWIW, bad pizza is much, much worse than bad blowjobs.
@35: I suspect it's also a factor that his abortion stance is a much less immediate problem than the probing, particularly if she's expressed her discomfort.
And Jesus holy god, I remember agonizing over my "vaginal virginity." And then one day it was over, and I was pretty much like "thank fucking Christ."
What's unfair about having an abortion without telling the person who impregnated you, if he impregnated you without "telling" you (i.e. discussion and mutual consent) he was going to penetrate you (without birth control) when you haven't agreed to it and when you say it "worries you?"
You're worrying about fairness?
How about the fairness or unfairness of having intercourse with someone without consent?
How about the fairness or unfairness of ignoring using contraception when it isn't going to be you getting pregnant?
How about the fairness or unfairness of "disagree[ing] strongly with abortion, but he's not the one who would have to to through it all?"
If NCWTD didn't have the nerve to speak up for herself two- and-a-half-years ago (and I sure hope she found a way to summon it), I would say that in the event of an accidental pregnancy occurring in this or a similar situation, you do the "fair" thing and tell the guy that you're pregnant and going to abort--if for no other reason than he should know about the consequences of his actions for future sexual encounters so he doesn't continue to act the same way--and then, regardless of his disagreement, strong or mild (or suddenly evaporating in the cold reality of becoming a father at 16), you go ahead and have the abortion. Period. You don't need his approval or even his permission (though depending on where you live, you might need your parents').
If you're really worried that he will try to talk you out of it, or involve his parents to strong-arm you, or some such, then you have the abortion without telling him. But you tell him after the fact for the same reason: he should know what his irresponsible and reckless actions led to.
It's only "fair" to look out for yourself and your future--somebody sure needs to.
And DO NOT give this loser a blowjob. Cut him loose and find somebody better.
The people who think as he does, in the bible belt, don't teach kids that condoms are an option, therefore the STD rates and teenage pregnancy rates are high.
He's a complete moral failure.
Technically, hasn't she already has if he repeatedly sticks the tip in? The whole concept is pretty arbitrary.
Bad pizza is inedible: Gluten Free cardboard with red coloring and tasteless white goo on top. The real problem is in the comparison to good pizza, and I won't elaborate because that is as personal as the best way you've gotten oral sex. FWIW, outside of some canine scratches (the teeth, not the species), it's all been (at least) good. And for the record, that first time your partner holds you in their hand(s), looks you over and... Even if it wasn't expert, it was awesome!
Peace
I have received very inexpert blowjobs, and I was still delighted to get them. Delighted.
I don't see how an inexperienced teen boy could possibly be in any position to judge the quality of a hummer. Porn may be to blame for the writer's insecurity, but no other part of their sex resembles porn, and no other aspect of their whole lives resemble anything represented in the media, so why should anyone expect fantasy representations of fellatio to be accurate? Don't worry; he'll be happy.
The old joke says that sex is like pizza: when it's good, it's very good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good. That may not be true of all sex, but it is true of all blowjobs.
Arousal is in the mind, not the genitals. Blowjobs are all great becuause it's the thought that counts.
ooooh....
a mind reader!
guess our weight next?
an enlightened sex education would teach children that abstinence is the clearly superior in-a-class-of-its-own 100% foolproof safe way to avoid STDs and pregnancy.
Just like the CDC advocates.
It would also teach them the range of contraceptive options, with a realistic discussion of the failure rates.
the deceptive misnomer 'safe sex' would be replaced with the Truth in Advertising approved 'somewhat less dangerous sex' label.
Danny doesn't even pretend to know or care what the CDC advocates.
Yes, the hybrid programs do this, oh ignorant one. Dan's not an abstinence counselor. He's not a primary school teacher. His advice should be utilized if someone decides that abstinence isn't for them, and it's valuable in that context.
I donāt think I ever offered oral without penetration, because thatās how I get off, but not everyone likes that. (And no, not all lesbians like either giving or receiving oral.)
No contact between the tip of the penis and the entrance of the vagina, w/o contraception. And no means no.
Outercourse is a lot of fun as well.
Peace
OK.
so Danny is the Witchdoctor of sexual health; peddling leech blood letting and quackery for those who don't want to listen to the CDC.
got it.
has Danny ever thought of advocating praying away STDs?
that might work as well....
The idea that persons would never have sex before marriage is moral homeopathy. Fake and substanceless.
@65- You've never had Temp-T-Freez Pizza. It's bad from fresh from the oven, from the fridge the next morning, covered in ranch dressing...
Some blowjobs are lamer than handjobs. It happens.
There are a lot of things that can go wrong with a blowjob--we tend to think it's all about the enthusiasm and the skill, but it's also about having a large variety of medical issues not choose that particular moment to go spectacularly wrong. Like with pizza--sometimes it's bad for reasons not owing to the elements that originally made up that particular pizza.
@65- You've never had Temp-T-Freez Pizza. It's bad from fresh from the oven, from the fridge the next morning, covered in ranch dressing...
But if I were hungry enough...
Kind of, yes. Even a toddler is capable of being pro-social. People can be decent human beings at most ages. I donāt personally know any sixteen year olds who lack empathy ā thatās psychopathy and is not age-dependent. If you were a psychopath at sixteen youāll be one when youāre sixty.
Why, are you a sixteen year old boy hoping that weāll all just say āboys will be boysā and let you off the hook when you rape someone?
This is exactly wrong. Because that is not true. In fact, you cannot even be diagnosed as a psychopath (anti-social personality disorder) until you are 18 for precisely the reason that many adolescents show traits of psychopathy, but it is transient, and doesn't correlate well to adulthood.
I knew a lot of things at 16 that most 16-year-old kids shouldn't be expected to know. Sex isn't some special thing that good people are born knowing how to do, and bad people are born not knowing how to do. No one is born knowing how to do it right; some of us were lucky enough to learn early, and some of us were lucky enough--by pure chance--that our early efforts turned out well.
But "lucky" is not a standard to which to hold people.
Because there is no middle ground between realizing that most 16 year olds are probably not yet their best selves (or exactly as culpable as an adult) and just letting them off the hook for rape?
At sixteen, youāve had at least sixteen years of learning how to interact with other people. Lots of sixteen year olds are nice people who interact with others respectfully. That doesnāt mean they know how to give a good blowjob, but thatās not what weāre talking about.
brent b @77: No, more... an obnoxious way of asking why jizzlobber @67 is so invested in the idea that sixteen year olds should not be expected to be decent human beings.
I was responding to Brooklyn Reader @8 who said: ā@4 There's a difference between being an intentional asshole and just being a clueless, ignorant child. The behavior of the average 16 year old male is more the latter than the formerā
First, I donāt actually see the difference. You might or might not grow out of it, but youāre behaving like an asshole right now. If you are behaving like an asshole to your girlfriend at any age then she should dump you.
Second, sixteen year olds are not clueless ignorant children. They suffer a great deal ā theyāre in high school after all! ā and are generally pretty perceptive and thoughtful if you give them a chance. I thought Brooklyn Reader @8 was being unfairly dismissive of teenagers.
Judging from my own experience, itās even possible that some kind and generous teenaged lovers grow up to develop a thicker skin and learn to be more selfish. Not saying that this happens, just that... my experience of adults is not better than my experience of teenagers.
Sixteen year olds are sixteen. Acting like a typical sixteen year old does not mean they're a psychopath, or a rapist, or whatever other term you want to use to pretend that the occasional exceptional one isn't exceptional.
And has anyone here besides me had a good experience with sex as a teenager?
What's the difference between being a decent person at sixteen and being a decent person after a few decades of learning how to do it? A lot. And that difference is mostly luck.
Think about it. The advice here is not appropriate for a teenage girl who'lives in a basically non-abortion OR parental notification state.
Good luck teen age girls.
Are you saying that you and your lovers/ crushes were jerks to eachother until your 18th birthdays?
*** *** ***
āWhat's the difference between being a decent person at sixteen and being a decent person after a few decades of learning how to do it?ā
At sixteen youāve had over a decade and a half of learning how to be a decent person. We can always learn more, but that should get you the basics. Judging from the sixteen year olds I know, it usually does.
@ 81 explains pretty well the problem with the logic "I had good experiences as a teenager so therefor everyone else who doesn't is just an inexcusable asshole--age has nothing to do with it."
I know. It's quite clear, at this point, Mr. Romney, that you don't understand that other people didn't have as much money as you did growing up. However, boasting about your total lack of understanding for the lives of everyone less fortunate than yourself doesn't make you look as good as you seem to think.
Are you saying that you and your lovers/ crushes were jerks to eachother until your 18th birthdays?
No, Mr. Romney, I'm not saying everyone else starved. Are you seriously claiming to be so daft as to fail to grasp the concept that, while most people do not starve, most people are also not so fortunate as yourself? That you are so far from starving that people can be far hungrier than you without actually starving?
At sixteen youāve had over a decade and a half of learning how to be a decent person. We can always learn more, but that should get you the basics. Judging from the sixteen year olds I know, it usually does.
Thanks, Mr. Romney, for telling us more about how fortunate you have been. The fact that you don't understand why other people have to get jobs and work for decades in order to support a family, and can't just do it out of their own pockets at 16, isn't really something to brag about.
The logic is, āI had good experiences as a teenager and so did a lot of my women friends, and my experiences as an adult havenāt been better, so the argument that a sixteen year oldās problems are purely due to age is unconvincing.ā
Over the next few years I remember giving blowjobs to a bunch of other teen guys, to get some sexual experience without making myself vulnerable to pregnancy. Those other guys were happy to get what I was offering, but I have no fond memories of them. I wouldn't accept oral, because I'd been assaulted that way (at sixteen, by the boyfriend of my best friend). And I'm hard to get off and hadn't learned about fantasy & vibrators yet, so no one brought me anywhere near orgasm manually.
Things got much better when I was twenty and learned how to masturbate to orgasm, and got a nice boyfriend.
So my question stands: am I really the only one here who had good experiences as a teen? Given teenagersā reputations as being both romantic and highly motivated, and given that I am not alone among my friends, Iād be surprised ā but if I am, then Iāve learned something.
Can you quote the line where you think someone was making that argument?
Brooklyn Reader @8: āThere's a difference between being an intentional asshole and just being a clueless, ignorant child. The behavior of the average 16 year old male is more the latter than the formerā
Neither of those things were concepts I understood at 16, and I don't think that makes me a psychopath at 36.
I have some warm memories from those times and those relationships, but they don't sound that different than the LW's description.
If someone says that sixteen year olds canāt be expected to be thoughtful but my experience of sixteen year olds is that they are when it counts, thereās a conflict that needs to be resolved. Brooklyn Reader @8 didnāt even say what their dismissal of teenagers was based on, if anything.
Maybe I won the lottery several times and met the worldās only thoughtful teenagers, and my friends and I had the only good sex that teenagers ever had. Sure, thatās possible ā but unlikely. Iām not that special and I donāt see why the teenagers Iāve known would be that special. But yes, itās possible.
You say you have āactual studiesā that prove that my friends and I are more special than we realize? Thatās great: it would resolve the conflict and I will proceed to feel special and blessed.
Are you aware that "more the latter than the former" and "purely the latter" are very different phrases that mean very different things?
Can you find an example of anyone actually making the argument you claim to be disproving?
And I think if you read @ 95/96, you will see what I meant about how society doesn't prepare kids for sex they way they do for live in general. People tell kids who to hold doors open for, to say thank you and please, etc--how to be caring and considerate in a variety of situations, with real and concrete instructions. But most kids don't get told the type of things canadian nurse is talking about. Which is a shame, and it leads to some pretty unfortunate situations--situations where age and lack of experience and information play a role (which is absolutely not to say those things absolve all responsibility).
All of these things together are why some people might read the letter and say, "There's a difference between being an intentional asshole and just being a clueless, ignorant child. The behavior of the average 16 year old male is more the latter than the former.ā