News Mar 13, 2013 at 8:14 am

The Morning News: There's Still No Pope, There Might've Been Life on Mars, and Apparently Jesus Was a Shapeshifter

Megan Seling
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Comments

1
All the southern states have ebony as their top porn search.
Pope Peabrain on March 13, 2013 at 8:18 AM Report this
2
And rape is among the top searches in India...
Quarane on March 13, 2013 at 8:19 AM Report this
3
Sure you know about Soccer. Your favorite sport is Ice Soccer.
pragmatic on March 13, 2013 at 8:20 AM Report this
4
And Kentucky really seems obsessed with gay seks.
Pope Peabrain on March 13, 2013 at 8:29 AM Report this
5
I used to think the smoke signals from the Vatican were weird, but then I realized that it's a lot more interesting that a frigging press conference.

Anyway, civil unions came to Colorado yesterday. Since it's not called marriage it's not full marriage equality (the bastards got a marriage amendment on our too-easy-to-amend constitution back when they could still win those elections), but I believe all the rights and privileges of marriage are covered. Does Slog not care about the march of LGBT progress anymore?
Matt from Denver on March 13, 2013 at 8:40 AM Report this
6
And what's up with the West's obsession with teen porn? It's the #1 or 2 hit in every western state except California, where it's # 3.
Matt from Denver on March 13, 2013 at 8:44 AM Report this
7
Nobody expected white smoke on the first vote, Ms. Selling. And the faithful prefer puffs of smoke rather than giant reader boards in St. Peter's Square and network anchor sky booths in the Basilica. That would be weird.

I suggest you rent 'Shoes of the Fisherman'.
raindrop on March 13, 2013 at 8:48 AM Report this
8
Iceland's #2 porn term is "Native American (gay)" ??
robroc on March 13, 2013 at 8:53 AM Report this
9
i wish every day could be a day without a pope. keep mumbling to each other in latin, celibates.
Max Solomon on March 13, 2013 at 9:08 AM Report this
10
I love that the top three porn results for Switzerland are: 1: Swiss, 2: German, 3: Swissfuckers. I see no other countries that are as self-referential.
Banna on March 13, 2013 at 9:21 AM Report this
11
@5:
I was disappointed with all the differences listed between civil unions and marriage, most of which seem to be because civil unions aren't federally recognized as equal to marriage.
Hopefully we can get that damn 2006 Colorado constitutional amendment removed sometime in the future.
swing state voter on March 13, 2013 at 9:29 AM Report this
12
@10: Oops, I should have said "no other European countries. Damn, the Japanese like to watch themselves.
Banna on March 13, 2013 at 9:29 AM Report this
13
@ 10, Mexico has lots of "Mexican" references to their searches, but the thing that jumped out at me is that five of the top ten searches, including the number one overall, were for gay porn. (The 2nd overall search is for someone named Lisa Ann, who appears to be Mexican. FWIW.)
Matt from Denver on March 13, 2013 at 9:30 AM Report this
14
@ 11, if such things aren't struck down with DOMA (and I'm not sure that they would be - someone raised the possibility somewhere, but it didn't sound like a constitutional expert's opinion), I believe we can repeal it by popular vote by 2018. I think someone is already trying to get it placed on the ballot for 2014.
Matt from Denver on March 13, 2013 at 9:33 AM Report this
15
Romania's #1 is "mother and son."

What went wrong, Romania?
Confluence on March 13, 2013 at 9:56 AM Report this
16
@15 All those babushkas are a turn on!
Pope Peabrain on March 13, 2013 at 10:09 AM Report this
17
Peru, Chile, and Venezuela all have mostly gay porn search terms in their top 10 results. Are str8 guys that curious over there?
apres_moi on March 13, 2013 at 10:21 AM Report this
18
If Twinkies return, they will be undead zombies. Haven't we learned anything from "Pet Semetary"?
butterw on March 13, 2013 at 10:29 AM Report this
20
Interesting - 1/2 of the search terms from Iran are gay-related. Armenia has Kim Kardashian as #9 (shudder)

Sad is that Turkey and India both have rape listed but not surprising for the way that they treat women
apres_moi on March 13, 2013 at 10:55 AM Report this
21
@17,

Maybe the gay guys in those countries are so repressed they look at porn obsessively.
keshmeshi on March 13, 2013 at 10:57 AM Report this
22
@13: Maybe they just like bubble butt MILFs.

Fun fact:

Lisa Ann was the actress who played Sarah Palin in that Hustler porn they made when she was running for VP.
Theodore Gorath on March 13, 2013 at 11:17 AM Report this
24
Shape-shifting Jesus isn't new. It's called docetism, from the Greek dokeo (to seem), and it's the belief that Jesus did not have a physical body, so could appear (or not appear) in any form he chose. The text is apparently new, and I'm looking forward to reading it, but the Gospel of John is full of shape-shifting Jesus.
LadyAlice on March 13, 2013 at 12:00 PM Report this
25
Sounders ftw.

Oh, and Ice Soccer is Soccer where you drink Ice Cider.
Will in Seattle on March 13, 2013 at 1:15 PM Report this
26
The Finnish are very wrinkle-positive.

The most interesting thing from the latest Mars report: the presence of a lot of methane and methane salts.

http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/mars/m…
Sandiai on March 13, 2013 at 4:17 PM Report this
27
The Sounders game was pretty spectacular. You're missing out if you're ignoring soccer in Seattle.
M3 on March 13, 2013 at 9:55 PM Report this

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