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Also, any thoughts on not casting gay actors to play Liberace and BF? Seems sexist.
Heard boring, unimaginitive, prude, unskilled, selfish, too quick, and "penis was too big."
But never heard "penis was too small."
Have heard it as an insult after the relationship ends, but have never heard it as a reason that sex did not work out.
As soon as I read that guy's query I wished he's written you. & indeed, Prudence isn't always off the mark, but she was wayyyyy off base there.
Love,
Ms. M.
I always did suspect that occasionally someone who came into an MMA gym in Seattle was enjoying receiving the beatings a little bit more than just for training purposes. Having plenty of gay friends myself this didn't bother me but I could not help thinking I was in on their secret that would not have been accepted by most meat heads training at those gyms.
Has anyone else ever suspected a closeted/bi/curious guy has shown up for martial arts to receive an ass whooping by a bunch of young, fit, sweaty, shirtless, dudes?
The best advice I could give the guy would probably be, to approach the situation frankly and confidently with a new partner, and to not take it personally (or insult her) if she isn't interested... we all, or at least most of us, have completely shallow physical preferences, whether it be for weight, or level of hairiness, etc.
I'm glad Dan didn't repeat the trite, "bone up on oral skills/fingering" advice, because at least IMHO that doesn't replace PIV... And everybody, regardless of penis size or gender, should know how to use their fingers and tongue.
That said, people do need to get themselves mentally healthy before trying to date, and that includes finding a way not to worry too much about their height, or penis-length, or whatever.
Too bad Saletan got hung up on the whips & chains, and didn't do a column on emotional BDSM, how people in all kinds of relationships will use basic tenets of D/s. I mean, what is the RCC but a world-wide D/s institution? And no, you don't get a safeword.
Of course, to do that, Saletan would have to look in the mirror. He doesn't seem like the kind of person who is vulnerable to self-reflection.
Agree with Erica about getting mentally healthy and thus not too focused on height or penis size or other unalterable non-standard thing. But getting secure about his ability to satisfy a partner in bed requires a partner.
People who enjoy being hurt? They do Crossfit.
No ironic 'If that's your kink', either.
One positive for me with a small penis is how much easier/more pleasant it is to give head. My current partner has a really thick, large dick and it's so unpleasant to suck for more than a minute or so at a time and I can't get anywhere near even half of it in my mouth.
One positive for me with a small penis is how much easier/more pleasant it is to give head. My current partner has a really thick, large dick and it's so unpleasant to suck for more than a minute or so at a time and I can't get anywhere near even half of it in my mouth.
Also, based on this picture, Michael Douglas was quite successful at finding his inner fag:
http://cdn.rickey.org/wp-content/uploads…
It just seems weird, like Johnny Depp playing Tonto, or the Most Interesting Man In The World actor being a Jew. I know plenty of gay actors play straight out of necessity, so maybe I'm being unfair.
You're right that sexist is the wrong word. Homophobic is the wrong word too, I think. Not sure of the right word.
Also, @1, I tend to think straight men playing gay men is better for the LGBT agenda than gay men playing gay men. You should listen to what Darren Criss has to say about playing a gay man in Glee (yes, I am painfully gay).
And yeah, Johnny Depp playing Tonto is weird, but I don't think sexual orientation needs to be considered for something like this. Sexual orientation isn't like race. As for gay actors playing straight...yeah, 'cause they're actors. You make it sound like they're being put upon, but that's the job. I'd say creating a character's sexuality is actually one of the more fundamental tasks for an actor, so who they are in their private lives isn't relevant. Actors should be cast mostly based on skill and physical characteristics (like race, sorry, Johnny). I think it'd be weird if they cast a gay guy to play Liberace out of solidarity with the gay community or something.
I love Prudie, but she missed the ball (the whole game?) with this one.
Not quite.The penis forms from the same tissue as the vulva and clitoris. The clitoris is analogous to the glans.
I know I'm splitting hairs, but that's why a micropenis is not equivalent to a large clit.
B) Attitude makes up for a lot, and insecurity can do a lot of damage. But I tried dating a couple of guys with very small penises (technically not even micros, just very small dicks) and it mattered to me. I take #26's point, and it's true, it's easier to give head to a small guy, but some of us like normal-larger penises, and all the right attitude, fingers, and tongues in the world don't make up for their lack. I have never and would never date a man JUST because he had a big dick (and once you get into a really large-dick territory, the guys attached tend to be big dicks as well), but I did stop dating a few men because they were just too small. I like dildos as much as the next girl, but to me, a penis matters.
That was my first thought too. What, has this guy never heard of cunnilingus? Does he have a micro-tongue too?
There are other ways to get a girl off besides PIV sex, or at least so I've heard. In fact, don't most women need some other stimulation besides just PIV sex to achieve orgasm?
And WTF is wrong with Prudie?! Most of the time I'm indifferent to Prudie's advice, but it usually isn't bad. This, on the other hand, has got to be one of the worst pieces of advice I've seen her give in a long time. Pawning the guy off on handicapped women like a consolation prize. Fucked up advice on so many levels. Major fail!
So the core of the advice was good. Where Prudie choked is in her choice of implementation: a disabled dating website. My guess is that Prudie thought such sites are more amendable to people being honest about their physical shortcomings-- but really, everyone should do this as a matter of course anyway. If you're 4'6'' or you weigh over 400 lbs, that's probably something you should let potential dates know right away. Hell, you should do that with any potential deal-breaker, e.g. smoking, religion, political affiliation, etc. Saves everyone's time.
I thought she was recommending looking for disabled women because disabled women are desperate and won't expect much sex and will be thrilled to get laid at all, even with a micropenis. They'll also have physical defects of their own and will therefore supposedly be more accepting of a man's physical defects. That's really not fair to either the disabled or to the micropenis guy.
Right now I'm thinking of a woman using a wheelchair I saw not long ago at a sex party, doing a domination scene. She was disabled but highly sexy, and she had two able bodied men waiting on her hand and foot. Disabled is not necessarily desperate.
One, I get the vibe from his letter that he hasn't in fact managed to acquire those skills (given the reaction that women have been having, it's not likely he has had much opportunity to practice).
Two, I've heard any number of complaints here and elsewhere about men who think that their penis is god's gift to women, and the complainers are mad that the guy didn't bother with skill. It's not like this guy gets a free pass.
Three, you work with what you got, and if you haven't got a decent sized penis, then you get good at the other stuff or else go without.
Four, what #48 said. Maybe that doesn't describe you, but that scenario sounds like his best chance at getting a girl to overlook his endowment. She's probably going to be a lot more forgiving if you've just gotten done making her come like a house afire.
Somehow, implying the way you did that "never mind any of that, you're a lost cause, just let the chips fall where they may" isn't very helpful.
Maybe with it being Liberace-gay it's better to be played by straight actors--I think I just answered my own question.
The style of the answer was typical for her, but the substance was unspeakable. This answer might be in a class with Operation Brokeback Ambush. When I first read it, it seemed almost a shill, as if a sister or cousin of hers had a large piece of one of the sites she pushed.
As for the LW, it seemed at least worth examining whether all his laments about "the only kind of relationship he could get" might be some form of edging towards asking permission for that sort of relationship, although perhaps his choice of counselor indicated that he wanted to be refused that permission. I'm not saying it radiated the short list for a Gertrude Award, but it would have been worth asking.
I would put my chips in on getting the gay actors as many of the ambiguous roles as possible - Sherlock Holmes, for instance. It's actually not a bad test for straight actors to take on openly gay characters. Those with second-rate minds often do so as if they were magicians showing the audience the secrets of a rival conjurer's tricks.
I also think she was trying to suggest that the lw go to the kind of website where people are upfront about their limitations in the hopes that he starts off with someone willing to accept him as he is, which in itself, is not necessarily a bad idea. The problem, as I see it, was twofold:
1) Prudie assumes that having a micro penis guarantees his providing a negative sexual experience, neglecting to mention all the ways in which he could acquire skills and surrogates to "make up" his deficit (granted, they wouldn't work for me, but as others upthread have attested, they can make up for a lot to a lot of women).
2) Prudie assumes that disabled women won't want sexual relationships. They will be satisfied with cuddling and the warm glow of Romance. This is the most insulting error she makes.
The lw himself, however, has a bad case of low self esteem and insecurity, and her answer might in part have been a result of taking his own attitude into consideration.
>>all his laments about "the only kind of relationship he could get" might be some form of edging towards asking permission for that sort of relationship>>
He does sound like someone who thinks being a cuckold might be rather nice... A cuckold fetish can emerge out of insecurities, and then can be fully enjoyable as a kink, so I'd encourage him to work with that idea if it's appealing to him.
Since he's thinking about starting a family, he should talk to a geneticist about whether a tendency towards a micropenis is passed along in one's genes. If so, then that would be a problem. I'd recommend he focus on looking like a great dad for someone else's kid, and date single moms. If he can manage this combination of traits: (a) stable, happy home, (b) talent at giving oral, (c) easy to please in bed, and (d) willingness/eagerness to be cuckolded, he might be quite a catch.
He doesn't need all women to be able to be able to deal with his micropenis. He doesn't need you, in particular, to be able to deal with his micropenis. He just needs one woman to do so. Presumably one who loves cunnilingus more than PIV. I gather there are quite a few of them out there.
However, to defend myself against a charge of sexism (or the lesser charge of seriousness), I do not wish the actual column on you, although I still maintain that you would perform that task better than the incumbent, whom I have not dubbed the High Priestess of Mediocrity Incarnate for nothing. That is because, in dealing with Slate, you might run the risk of encountering Ms Rosen's husband, an early front-runner for the High Priest of Mediocrity Incarnate.
That ought to be sewn onto a sampler by every fourth-grader in the country. Such a useful moral.
@63: I would love to write the Dear Prudence Column, or any advice column. I would love to do a column with Dan, but he doesn't even know I'm alive (sigh). I just like the advice column genre. I have noticed that Dan's fans tend to pile the hate on Prudie, and I think it's kind of funny. She is far more sex-positive than many other mainstream advice columnists, including Amy of Ask Amy. Prudie's puns don't especially bother me as much as her attitude towards alcohol does. She seems to think that anyone who has more than a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, the occasional beer while watching a baseball game, or a glass of wine with dinner every so often has an alcohol problem.
So many people here seem to try and pit Prudie against Dan. I don't see the need.
Not that he needs a big penis. For some of us, dirty teeth and bad financial planning are way more of a turn-off.
And she seriously misleads people in the How-Do-I-Say-X answers that comprise so much of the column. As I pointed out, one could write asking her how to express a Shakespeare sonnet, and her response, which is almost always full of the most insincere-sounding cliches imaginable, would have the poor wretch coming forth with something Hallmark would reject. That part of the column you would do SO much better. But, as I said, you'd be forced to deal with Mr Plotz. And on the off chance that supremely mediocre minds have the zombie-like power to consume and convert superiour thinkers, I refrain from wishing the post on you.
I guess to me it just seems like that type of tongue-in-cheek advice ("Prudie should have asked the man if his fingers and tongue were the usual size.") sort of cuts short the discussion, reinforces the notion that these acts are secondary and only serve to compensate for lack of penis-in-whatever, and doesn't address what to do if the man or woman does want PIV/PIA/PIM. So, it was nice to see Dan discuss other things like strap ons and penis sheaths.
My point was, don't take it too seriously if, even with great oral skills and such -- which everybody, small penis or not, should have anyway --, it is still a deal breaker for some people. But the thing which is most off-putting, again in my anecdotal experience, is the man's low confidence due to the small penis, not the small penis itself.
* (I wish there was such a thing as paraphrase marks. )
I agree that everybody should be expected to have good oral and manual skills anyway. I also agree that low confidence is a big turn off. (I'm not so sure how that's supposed to work, that the low confidence is the bigger turn-off than the small penis, if you also say he can expect to get rejected for the small penis even with confidence and skills.) However, I think in his case developing good oral/manual skills is exactly the thing he needs to do to overcome his low confidence.
>>I'm not so sure how that's supposed to work, that the low confidence is the bigger turn-off than the small penis, if you also say he can expect to get rejected for the small penis even with confidence and skills.
It's actually very simple...those aren't contradictory statements; and I honestly can't tell if you're being willfully obtuse. Many women, maybe not most but many, are willing to sleep with or form a relationship with a man with a small penis if he's confident and otherwise skilled. For some, even that's not enough -- it's not something they can look past. It's just a turn off. If a guy has a small penis, he has to go into any encounter knowing that those women exist and not let it affect his self image, regardless, or think that rejection means he is not a good lover for anyone.
Most people will be rejected for something seemingly trivial which can damage their self esteem... like being overweight, or having too small breasts, or being too short, etc. Fortunately most times you don't even realize it because a potential partner is going to realize they aren't attracted to you early on, and things will never progress very far. A bit different if you're a guy with a small dick since things have probably gotten much more invested by the point when he takes his pants off, and thus any rejection will hurt more -- and it will be very obvious WHY she's rejecting him. IMO, this is why it's important to develop a bit of a thick skin early, or find a way to weed out "vaginally focused" women early on.
The Transcending Boundaries conference is one place to start.
The Transcending Boundaries conference is one place to start.