But you don't want just a sample, do you? No, you want the whole thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ0XGi_L…

(Note that this performance wasn't even the most atrocious thing that happened during the telecast; "Rain Man" won Best Picture". The two years after it was "Driving Miss Daisy" and fucking "Dances With Wolves". The biggest prats in Hollywood are not the ones on that stage during this terrible number.)

In '89 I was a server at San Francisco's fanciest all-night restaurant, in the Fairmont Hotel. Steve Silver (the director of the number) was a regular and was always seated in my section. He came in one night that following week by himself (which was unusual). I told him I saw the Oscars and enjoyed the opening number. He replied with his usual graciousness and thanked me, but his sheepish gaze and raised eyebrow made it clear that he thought nobody enjoyed it.

Care to hear about the time I almost set Mel Brooks on fire in the very same booth?

i will never forget that...never.

@2, uh, YES.

Thank you, Fnarf! The "twinkling" done by the poor folks shoved in single-star-shaped walkabouts is tremendous.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

@5, the standard by which all production numbers shall be judged is the percentage of props and costumes that are visibly made of painted or beglittered or foil-covered cardboard.

The only perfect 100% I've ever seen was a British snooker-themed (!) game show (!!) called "Big Break", which made the production values of "The Gong Show" seem like a Busby Berkeley/Steven Spielberg coproduction in comparison. The set visibly wobbled whenever the host or contestants laughed.

The article was amazing, but I refuse to watch that video.

@4: He ordered a couple of Sambucas, which the bartender insisted arrive flaming before being extinguished with a light tap on the top of each snifter with a stack of bar napkins. I'd never flamed a drink before, but eveything was going fine until another server bumped me from behind -- which sent burning liqueur sloshing over the rims of the glasses. I tried to extinguish the now-burning tray they were on by beating at it with the stack of napkins, which also ignited.

At that point I excused myself and headed for the kitchen. When I eventually returned with replacements, the look of terror on his face turned to relief and bemusement when he saw they weren't ablaze this time.

It looks like something you'd see in Disneyland.

And is that Merv Griffin?

Such a glorious shitshow.

It probably would be cool to credit Metafilter since both the full YouTube video and the story were there first.

http://www.metafilter.com/125199/Never-t…

12: I love Metafilter, but it wasn't where I happened to encounter any of this. (Unless that's where Fnarf found the full vid?)

Holy cow. THE TABLES HAD PEOPLE IN THEM!
And what happened at the end? Was that Lowe crawling face-first down the stairs? Why??

@13, it is indeed. Sorry, I shoulda said "Metafilter".

@12, the story was "first" in the Hollywood Reporter article that both David and Metafilter linked to.

@13 (It is.)

Thanks. I had forgotten how hot Rob Lowe was back then... and how bad an actor he was.

"IT GETS BETTER. Meet your blind date—Rob Lowe!"

Hahaha. I wish.

I believe this is the moment in which the '80s ended.

The timeline in that one article seems off. It says Lowe got into trouble with his video AFTER this shit show. I think the video trouble was BEFORE this shit show and is one of the reasons his performance was creepy as hell.

This is the moment the 80s ended! Haha! Oh man that is fucking craptastic.

All that's missing is Divine. Walking her dog.

Whenever 80s entertainment is this grandly and inexplicably awful, there's only one question that comes to mind: how much cocaine was everyone doing?

@23) Looks like they were doing pretty much all of it!