Incest and cannibalism all wrapped into one!

I rather like this God fellow, he's so deliciously evil!

This one sent me to the Bible looking for more context. This is in a list of punishments dedicated for those who break the Lord's covenant, and the list follows a list of rewards that the good people can expect. The whole thing strikes me as being the equivalent of the old "Goofus and Gallant" comics I used to read in "Boy's Life."

That would be the Biblical justification for Social Security, I believe.

The second "ye shall eat" seem a bit unnecessary.

At least it's locally produced and organic.

NHL strike is over. Thanks buddy.

I was about to say, "that's a curse, not a commandment." But then I thought about the way fundamentalists like to take verses completely out of context in order to justify whatever crazy thing they want them to mean, so I think it's fair.

@3: Totally inaccurate! Goofus and Gallant was in Highlights.

@ 5, have you no poetry in your soul?

8- they will of course take it to mean you can molest your children with impunity as long as you only do oral.

Still waiting for something more steamy from songs of Solomon

I was raised to view these "curses" as warnings about the consequences of human actions.

In this case, the commandments are those of sabbaths and jubilee. So, every seven years, rest the land. Store enough food to last 3 years.

Every 50 years, forgive all debts. Do not permanently enslave those who are less fortunate than you. Give a fair price for land and services purchased. Treat those neighbors who are not of your tribe fairly.

These commandments are designed to prevent famine and war, and the prophet warns of the consequences of breaking them for temporary gain.

26:29 is quite the warning, really; it makes me wonder if starvation-induced cannibalism was common at the time, or just a horror story designed to seize the imagination.

(Courtesy of M. Python): And the LORD spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."[

A bunch of bullshit is christianity, and christianity is a bunch of bullshit.

@14: Yeah, there are some inconsistencies around those Jubilee rules.

That rule about letting slaves go after seven years only applies to men. Women don't get a loophole, unless the woman was married to the male slave prior to his service and she came to serve with her husband. Same for any children that might come from a male and female slave while they're in servitude. Those kids belong to the master for life. And should the male slave decide that he doesn't want to leave his wife and children when his term is up, he can stay, but he's signing up for a life sentence.

Also, the rule that says you have to release all slaves every 50 years? Pretty conveniently overlooked when most people are illiterate, sparsely populated, and venal, making the enforcement of such a rule near impossible. Not to mention the average lifespan was only 25 years, and there's a passage to justify that rule as applying only to Hebrew slaves. If they're a heathen? They might as well have SLAVE 4 LIFE tattooed on their forehead.

@9 I stand corrected.

With fava beans and a nice Chianti. f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f.

@17 Well... Leviticus has fuck-all to do with Christianity, to be honest. It has fuck-all to do with modern (i.e. the last 2000 years) of Judaism, too. It's a relic of The Temple and its priests, with animal sacrifice and all that jazz.

@24
Why aren't they picketing Catholic and Episcopal churches? Those congregations burn incense all the time.

@23 Oh, I wasn't disagreeing with @17, just clarifying a minor point. There's enough bullshit in Christianity to make disagreeing somewhat problematic.

@26, indeed.

@14 Starvation-induced cannibalism always happens in serious famines, and it would have been quite familiar to the ancient Israelites. The land of Canaan was entirely dependent on rainfall for water, and said rainfall was anything but reliable. People got through those hard times in various ways, ranging from drawing down stores to temporarily relocating to Egypt to eating one another.

I don't recall Pastor Bentley covering this in bible school.

@23,
Are you suggesting I'm a bigot? Whatever... blow me.

Religion makes people stupid.

Mmmmm...daughter flesh..