A couple named William and Nellie
Spent their honeymoon belly-to-belly
Because in their haste
They'd used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.

Okay, I take back the crap I give my niece (see earlier Slog post) about her generation not inventing a damn thing except Twitter. That's pretty awesome.

DON'T USE BABY OIL AS LUBE!!! Holy God, do not use baby oil as lube! It is straight mineral oil which is basically motor oil. It coats your skin and suffocates it. Back in the day when all the sexy ladies were using baby oil for tanning oil? The reason they all look like leather now is because they were basically seran-wrapping their epidermis. The reason there are child-safety caps on those bottles now? A toddler inhaled baby oil and suffocated because there was NO WAY to get it out. It just coated his poor lungs and he died. I totally sound like a hysterical nut, but PLEASE don't use baby oil for ANYTHING!

(If you've never read the fine print on a jar of Vaseline, me buckos, that's what it says. 100% pure.)

@3, the reasons you shouldn't use baby oil before sun exposure are a) it has no sunscreen molecules that block UV rays by absorbing their energy in chemical bonds specifically formulated to do so, and b) it renders the cornified epithelium (the layer of flattened dead skin cells at the surface) more transparent (like oiled-paper windows on sod homes), allowing UV to penetrate deeper into the skin where it can strike living cells, mutating DNA in a cancerous direction and damaging connective tissue. The latter is the reason for wrinkled, leathery skin from long sun exposure. Has nothing to do with "saran wrap" or oxygen exclusion.

But yeah, baby oil is obnoxious. So is Vaseline.

Pure. Petroleum. Jelly. Ick!

Coconut oil is the way to go. (But not if you're using condoms.)

I catch myself using "videotaped" sometimes - I'm like when grandma used to tell me to turn down the dang "hi-fi".

Yes indeed rob! Whatever you say! Either way, we can all agree, petroleum products in the genital area=bad times for all. Water based lube! Water based lube!

There are so many lubes made just for fucking, why in the hell would anyone use baby oil? For Christ sake, if you can get to the store and buy baby oil, you can get to the store and buy a decent lube.

Oh no no no, I'm taking back that lady's ladygarden card, I don't care if she wrote a book or not. She's literally insane in her membranes (down below) if she thinks baby oil lube is not going to end in tears. What's in the book that made Dan think she was an expert? Chapter Two: "Vulvas/Ham Dropped from Helicopter-Same Thing!"

holy shit—this is the most INSANE advice I've ever seen. Is this person a woman with a vagina?!? Has she never had a yeast infection? Baby oil will suffocate the walls of the vagina, block all the healthy secretions, and create horrible, awful, painful yeast infections—or worse, incredible painful vaginitis or vulvodydia. Any gynecologist on the PLANET can tell you that. Because it's oil, it's really hard to get out of your vagina once its in there. I'm so sad that so many women are going to do this to their bodies now that Dan has said it's OK! Just don't tell them to use over-the-counter yeast creams to cure the infections they're going to get, OK Dan?

@3, 5 Using baby oil in the sun is like tanning under a magnifying glass, but that's what everyone did in the 70s.

@8: I cannot for the love of jeebus quit saying "books on tape," even though I myself have downloaded the audiobooks as MP3s from the interwebs. And I listen to them on a device that elegantly allows me to watch television under the covers, my greatest wish as a child. I don't even remember when I got rid of my cassette tape player.

/facepalm

Youth is wasted on the young

Ok, I don't like the idea to use baby oil in my vagina, but her advice is more cautious than people here imply.

A) She hasn't seen good data on the link between baby oil and infections.
mitten @12: As apparently you have seen good data on suffocation of vaginal walls and baby oil, please share it with us.
(And what's your problem with OTC yeast treatment? It's exactly the same stuff my gynecologist prescribes to me when I have a yeast infection. The only problem is, if I self-diagnose yeast-infection but it turns out to be bacterial vaginosis, the yeast treatment does not help.)

B) She doesn't recommend baby oil as a lube, she just says if someone really, really wants to use it, they can try because it probably is ok = it probably does not cause severe damage.

Wait, what? Are there actually people who take Prudie's answers seriously? Has the world really sunk to such new lows? But, more importantly, who are these people, and how have they not gone bankrupt buying real estate from the unscrupulous?

It's a vagina. Just add saliva, makes its own sauce.

I'm sorry, what's your point? Do/n't use baby oil as lube? Advice columnists don't know all the answers? iPhones are great? Gaze at my navel with me?

Baby oil (mineral oil) is really not a good idea. But if you're going to tell someone it's okay, at least follow up with the caveat that they should only use the UNSCENTED stuff. (Although, that 'baby scent' might work as a reminder to use contraception.)

@15, that's marvelous! How about: I blithely type any and every sort of filth or extremist nonsense into a search engine, but whenever I search using a voice-to-type feature I automatically rein in my language and even lower my voice because, you know, the government could be listening.

@22: Ha!

Maybe I've just been lucky, but I've never had a problem with baby oil as an occassional lube. Sorry. My only problem with it is that it stains sheets/towels/underwear really badly.

Oh it's a great lube in the shower, for what it's worth.