What what what?

As someone who is unsettled by spiders, and a thousand-fold by venomous ones, I applaud your wry sense of humor, but thank God that I'm 3000 miles away.

*ahem*.... GAHHHHHHHHHHH! What the fuck!!!!

I found one in my bed once. I don't think I slept again for a week.

Careful, she bites!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

*GASP*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Just, no.

I once caught my cat playing with one, carrying it around in his mouth, dropping it on the floor all covered in his spit, picking it up again. That just about gave me a heart attack. I got it away from him and put it out of its misery, then paid close attention to see if he had been bit. He hadn't.

Every body calm down. It's not a pit bull.

(Sorry, somebody had to say it)

Neat! Are the babies cared for by the mother? Is she cannibalized by them? What will you do with them when they hatch? Can I have one?

I have so many questions this morning! I'm always bummed out by people who can't check their fear and look at spiders with any sense of curiosity or wonder. I get it, it's a spider, it has 8 legs and is all spooky and primates have an instinctual fear response to them, but jesus, get a grip. It's a photo of a spider in a container.

Shit like this is going to keep moving you up my list of favorite bloggers.

I am fine when they are on the other end of a screen, in a container in somebody else's house. I am even ok if they are outside. I am relatively calm if they are not moving, and are below head height. If they start moving quickly, I quickly lose all rationality. And if they move quickly and they are on the ceiling? Oh shit. How about I just scream for a while, while somebody who is still rational captures it and releases it outside, or just kills it as its penalty for breaking the law of inside. (All insects and things with more than 4 legs do not belong inside). I am convinced that if it is above my head, it will land in my hair, and then I will die. Do not bother to try and convince me otherwise.

I find spiders fascinating and interesting, as long as they are at "minimum safe distance", i.e. between 5-20 feet if on the loose and depending on how large they are and how fast they appear to move. Also, if they're in a container, or a photograph, that's fine.

Could we please see a shot of Mellissa III crawling up your bare arm?

I've learned to live with the hobo spiders in my apartment and expect a yearly bite or two. The first one laid me up for 3 weeks, but now just some stiffness.

One year there was an egg case in my Weber mini grill, dormant over the winter...thousands hatched one day, swarming over the lip of the black metal.

@14: Oh yeah? Well, I once had a nest of brown recluses in my jockstrap, and they didn't bother me none. One day they all crawled down my dick and flew away into space.

I find this absolutely incomprehensible. I'm not particularly freaked out by spiders, and I can appreciate keeping them for their beauty, or even cultivating them loose around the house to prey on noxious insects. But I can't imagine why anyone would keep a dangerously venomous variety. Surely you could have found another sort that was nearly as appealing, even though it would lack the vivid crimson markings of the female Black Widow. Unless it's not the beauty but the venomous nature that appeals to you, in which case you might seek help.

@16 - I used to live in AZ, and have been bitten by a black widow at least once. The spot swelled up something ferocious, and I had a discoloration there for a while, but I didn't even get sick. I believe their deadliness to be overrated. Unless you're really young, or really old, or somehow infirm, then they aren't that bad.

Oooo, she looks like a lovely lady. Good luck with all the babies and I can't wait for updates.

Seems like a bad idea.

A few years ago I found out we have them in Canada, too. Mostly in musty basements, I'm told. Such a lonely life.

Please tell us everything about your delightful creature in a mighty feature. Where did you get it? Why do you have it? How do you care for it? I yam fascinated.

Melissa looks like a classy lady. What do you feed her?

Black widows suck.
Cat spiders make better pets.

@21, flies, hornets, other spiders. Melissa III was found in the garden but her predecessors, Mellissas I and II were both found in the house. My brother, then a child, wanted to keep her as a pet. So we did. Every time we find a new one she goes in the jar.

This is the first lady to lay eggs. Some horrific book on spiders we have lying around the house says that once a black widow mates, she can store the DNA of her mate *inside her* for the rest of her life. Yay!

For unto you is born this day, in the city of Seattle, 1,000 spiders, all of which are called Christ our Lord. And Melissa III was with eggsac. And she went into the jar to be counted. But there was no room for her in the Inn. So Melissa III and Joseph's DNA rested the eggsac in the manger. And the angels upon high sang "Glory to Melissa III in the Highest!"

We don't have black widows in Toronto. Apparently it's a west coast thing. So, in my mind they're practically mythological terrors.

When I visited San Diego a few years ago, I was continually surprised by how laid back everyone was about everything. My confusion reached its nexus when a guy I was talking to said he had seen a black widow in his house that morning and had meant to do something about it, but then he got busy and forgot, so I guess there's one in there somewhere.

I think he saw the look on my face and knew I wasn't coming over for drinks.

I love the story of the Melissas I, II, and III, Cienna. In Salt Lake City, these are what crawl on our basement and bedroom walls:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1G4pRUsVcLI/Tr…

I love bugs and try to be chill about them at all times, but it's hard not lose my shit when one of those bastards the size of my kid's palm is skittering along at head height, even though I *know* it's not poisonous. Overriding the primal instinct to flee takes work.

You killed Dominic with this post, didn't you?

God no. This creeps me out so hard I can barely type this. Thank you Cienna for once again making me flip the fuck out about spiders.

@26: Good on you! I love bugs/creepy crawlies, and they still cause me to jerk back when I see them - I'm willing to chalk that up to a primal reaction to how they move. I read up on them, and not only can they not hurt us (unless they're very large - they are poisonous, but normally can't penetrate our skin), but they eat other critters in the house like silverfish and cockroaches.

If you have a lot around, then try dehumidifying rooms (especially the bathroom and basement) - that will help make it less pleasant for them.

re: OP - Add me to the "Cool spider-pet!" group. As long as you can find a way to release the young'uns safely (and preferably far from the house). It is interesting that we have such a deep fear of venomous creatures when it's very easy to die from other causes (usually involving oversized tin cans colliding or dense pieces of metal lodging in our bodies). Not a critique, just a musing - maybe it's the death we can't see that freaks us out.

I so, so want a pink toe tarantula. I used to have one years ago and they are my favorite. They're so pretty! They are glossy black with shocking pink feet. They look like they're wearing adorable little shoes. Alas, my mother, and both my husband and boyfriend, are all quite clear that none of them would ever set foot in my house again if I were to fulfill my dream of spider ownership. Sigh.

Sigh...

@23 How do you feed her ?