Comments

1
The LORD is kind of a DICK
2
But he loves you!
3
Timesaver: the Good News Translation? No better, really.
4
Other side effects of The LORD include: excessive homophobia, persecution paranoia, and rampant hypocrisy. If any of these symptoms persist longer than four hours, stop taking The LORD immediately and consult your meta-physician.
5
This is really quite tiresome.
6
Mildew. The frosting on the Lord's smiting cupcake.
7
@rainbird: if only bibles had a warning label like that.
8
What an asshole.
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@silvertears: if only bibles had a warning label like that.
10
Mildew?
11
OK, LORD, I promise I won't go back to Club Z. Really. honest . well, maybe not
12
"I am God! All powerful, but insecure! Worship, love, and fear me or die painful deaths and burn for ever!"

Who wouldn't want to be in that religion?
13
This sounds like the flu combined with the clap. Not pleasant, but I'm unimpressed. God can do better.
14
The translation is a little off. It's one of my greatest pet-peeves and I kinda figured it would end up here eventually.

If we go back to earlier texts from which today's Bible has been assembled, it was quite clearly written as 'dust bunnies' and not 'mildew'. Think about it: mildew doesn't even make sense.
15
14 comments in and this is already my favorite SBS ever.
16
Mildew!?! The Lord didn't count on Scrubbing Bubbles(TM).
17
Don't underestimate mildew! Especially in this part of the country.
18
Mildew?????
19
Mildew in a desert in the Middle East?
20
but he's changed since then! he's the god of love now. having kids mellowed him out.
21
20, That, or he started taking his meds.
22
"Praise the Lord, hallelujah, my friends! for Jesus will make you itch like nobody’s business."
23
Sounds like neither your kitchen nor your asscrack are going to be presentable for company once the LORD is done with them.
24
13

he will.
25
Jesus is a biscuit, so sop him up!
26
No wonder he threw his pansy kid out of the house.
27
Merry Christmas heathens! Jeremiah 10:2-4: "Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not." (KJV)
28
The lord will smite thee with a burning sensation.
29
Please please nominate Dirac #27 for gold star comment of the day.
30
Am I the only one here who's old enough to hear Vincent Price saying "Mildew" in the back of my mind?
31
Gracias por sus estudios de la biblia sagrada, pero all praise to your (res)erection.
32
Oh, to be smote with mildew... you were lucky!
33
Lemme see here ... I haven't been smit with the consumption (unless over-consumption counts) ... had the fever ... had the inflammation ... had the extreme burning ... not the sword ... no blasting (wait, did they even have blasting in those days???) ... had my share of mildew and/or dust bunnies, which I'm sure shall pursue me to the end of my days.

Not a bad bargain, overall, in trade for the eating of the bacon-wrapped scallops, or whatever else I did to deserve all this.
34
OH NO NOT MILDEW

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