Comments

1
Another good candidate for a follow-up letter. This poor kid was always one slippery floor away from impalement.

There's something charming about his painstakingly crafted sex toy, but I hope he found a replacement that didn't stand to kill him.
2
If his parents are that repressed a nice non-anatomical glass or ceramic toy would probably pass unnoticed as a paperweight or some such BS.
3
Poor guy. Hopefully he's learned or will soon learn how full of shit his parents are and that he can do what ever the fuck he wants once he's out of their house.

Homophobia hurts straight people too!
4
@3: What does homophobia have to do with this?
There's nothing in the letter or in Dan's response to suggest that the parents' objections would have to do with their (mis)perception of their son as gay. He says he lives in a religious house and his parents would freak out as his having a sex toy. Presumably the freakout would be as bad if they found a fleshlight, except for the shared germ issue.

I remember this letter well, and have always wondered if the kid didn't wind up in his local emergency room.
5
I just went and re-read the comments for this letter ~ There are tons of good ideas for ANUS on hiding places and/or un-suspicious looking dildos.
6
such a bullshit letter. fake.
7
@1,

These have all been great candidates for follow-up letters. I remember this one well. Dan, you've got email addresses for these people. Ever think of devoting a future column or two to getting in touch with folks (or even just attempting to) to see how things played out? I think everyone loves the back/forth exchange style entries and this would seem to appeal to that same sense of curiosity & intrigue. With all the entries you've done, surely you could choose a few that'd be incredibly interesting.
8
@4,

Oh come on. If you're not aware that there's long been a stigma of homosexuality attributed to male anal play (especially among older/conservative folk) you must have lived the bulk of your life under a rock.
9
Use carrots like a normal person! Just make sure you throw them away after.
10
@4 Tell that to all the gay kids who are in the closet or were outed by their sex toys or porn. Why do you think Christians call it gay people sodomites? Because any backdoor action is seen as The Devil's Work. It is not a stretch to connect his potential disowning with his parents perception of "sodomy" happening in their house.

11
@8, 10:
Sorry: I understand there's a lot of homophobia around, but you don't get to take anything that has anal play in it and decide that simply by its existence it is evidence of homophobia. I have a friend who grew up in very religious households, and his parents' discover of his Playboy (Playboy!) magazine was enough to occasion a meltdown because masturbation is sinful and naked women, omg. I know a woman whose mom found a dildo she had (at the age of 20, still living with her parents) and was horrified. Many parents just don't like to be confronted with the evidence of their child's sexuality--whatever that sexuality may be.
12
Food for thought for the "extremely religious" parents: your child can't climax wihtout anal stimulation, and since you think sex is designed for reproduction, wouldn't it be a major concern to your god too if your child can't climax, and isn't it great then that he found a way he can actually get all those potential newborn christians out of his balls?
13
If ever a SLLOTD screamed FAKE, FAKE, FAKE, it's this one. All the description of this elaborate prep and decommissioning- FAKE. Nobody is this stupid when there are yard tool handles, broomsticks, vegetables (disposable!) and a myriad of other useful items to stuff up one's butt that are infinitely smoother and more fun than his contraption.
I'm shocked Dan even posted it the first time, except maybe as a platform for discussing anal sex and one's teens with parents.
14
I feel obligated to warn this kid that the plunger thing could be potentially fatal. Imagine if you will, sitting on the plunger handle, having a foot slip out and a two foot plunger handle going in your ass, through your intestine and ending in your liver. Please get a toy before you die.
15
i gotta say it..... come on.... 10 years from now he's going to make some gay top a very happy man. is he str8, i doubt, bi, very likely and once he discovers the joy of a penis up there, well, he's just going to have to come to terms with his needs.
16
Still laughing here: Got siblings? Hide your dildo in the room of your least favorite....
17
@7: Dan mentioned a while back that he purges his inbox every six months or so. That's why, amid all the discussion of Rick Santorum's "Google problem," he couldn't get in touch with the reader whose originally suggested the "Name a Gay Sex Act after Santorum" contest or the one who submitted the winning entry.

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