Dan good advice but one thing, I know it seems all teens want sex and drugs but a decent amount won't do it if told no. There are teens out there who do listen to authority, shocking I know but happens. I saw this study a few years ago that said 65% of HS kids were having some form of sex. I wish I could find it but cannot. While that is a large majority its not all.

But bottom line some kids are going to have sex in HS, and the best thing to do is tell to be safe or do activities that won't lead to pregnancies like Dan just did.

I guess we could put a security guard in every bedroom in America but that would not be small government would it Republicans?

You should've suggested the copper IUD. (Although diseases are still an issue, of course.)

There are spermicide foams and jellies, too. Easy to use and effective.

...inseminating your tonsils... ha!

a 16 year old boy who doesn't like condoms? sounds like either one of his friends was bragging about not using one with a girl or his last girlfriend didn't make him use them.

It's like a 5 year old saying they don't like to brush their teeth. Get over it, dumbass, it's all in your still-developing head.

@1 Sure some teens don't want to or are unable to have sex. But really, after about 16, most are emotionally capable of handling it and there is no real problem if they do. Provided of course that they are safe and making the decision themselves. Sex is no different from anything else we teach kids to do be it critical thinking or driving. We empower them to make their own choices while educating them as to the consequences and proper practices.

We should not be telling teens they should not have sex any more than we should tell them what career to follow or what political party they should support. They need to be making those choices themselves.

@2 Though that risk is easily ascertained via test assuming either have had partners before.

Addendum, for anyone else who might be in this situation nowadays: also tell your boyfriend that if he ever hopes to enjoy vaginal or anal intercourse in the course of his life, he'd better damn well get his spoiled ass used to condoms.

And make him look up the correct way to use a condom - lube in the tip, etc. - because he's probably doing it wrong if he really hates it that much.

Ah, vintage columns from back before Mr. Savage mellowed with age and fame. What's this from, 2009?

I dunno about all these other sexual activities being "foolproof." If semen gets to the vagina (like if a woman gets semen on her hands, and then the man touches her hands, and then the man gets his hands into you-know-where), then pregnancy is not likely but possible.

The idea of "degrees of intimacy" is exactly why oral is now considered third base.

Agree with Seattle13 @1 that sexually inactive teens (whether gay or straight or other) being a minority group doesn't excuse suggesting or implying they don't count and are either brainwashed or freaks of nature.

@5: Having unprotected oral, anal, intercrural, or digital intercourse does not cause the transmission of STDs. Having sex, protected or not, with someone who carries an STD is how you get one.

In most cases, 16 year-old boys haven't had enough experience to know what they like. Every unmarried guy should suck it up and accept that condoms go hand-in-hand with having sex.

The BF should also vary his mastubatory style to see if he can train his penis to enjoy vagina with latex. Or sheep skin. Meanwhile the GF should try another kind of pill, or the Nuva ring. IUDs are great but not good for everyone.

@12: really? I used condoms for years after I got married, because we didn't want to have kids yet. Worked great, and just about the second we stopped using them so we COULD have kids, we got pregnant, so they really were working all that time. (The vasectomy has obviated the need for them since then.)

I suspect that what the BF doesn't like is *buying* condoms. Both the cost and the embarrassment. If his GF tells him that's the only way he gets in, he'll wear them.

@6: my thoughts exactly. try different condoms and if he doesn't like 'em just based on principle than dtmfa--it'll help him learn for the future.

I'm not sure why the diaphragm doesn't come up more often in these discussions -- I adore mine. Not only is it a fine method of birth control (when used with spermicide) but it also keeps menstrual blood neatly contained, making period sex easier and much less messy.

@2: A lot of doctors are really wary about inserting IUDs into women who have not been pregnant.

I despise condoms. Always have. It doesn't matter what kind you have or what you add to them or how you put them on, they're a complete turn off.

But they're necessary, and yes, he (hopefully) got used to them, as I did (before my vasectomy).

It's unfortunate that condoms are necessary, because they suck. But I agree they're better than a crying brat or an STI.

But let's not try to convince ourselves that they're fun, or cool, or anything other than an annoying necessity.

He doesn't like condoms? Tough shit. I get the feeling he'll like be a teen father or contracting and STD even less.

What 2 said: IUD! No hormones and super effective!

I agree with #20.

Condoms are annoying but they are necessary for safe sex - just like a breathing apparatus is necessary for underwater diving.

On another side, in Dan's response, the irony of unwed teen-mom Bristol Palin being an abstinence speaker has only augmented since 2009 : in her first spell on DWTS, viewers saw her (abstinently) mimic sex on the floor, and were treated with memorable views of her body undergoing its second (or third) pregnancy... which her dressers had such difficulty to hide that they resorted to putting her in a gorilla suit for her last dance !

http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.fr/20…

@18: They must not be thinking like that, then, because your number is off by half an order of magnitude.

Agree with @1
It most certainly is possible to teach children to hold off for a reasonable amount of time.
I'm not talking about scare tactics either. It never even occured to me till early 20s to seriously consider the fact that the boys I come across are possible sex partners or doubt the merits of waiting till marriage. I think that's a good thing. It's good to take a while to get used to get everything together.
I'm always surprised how american teens are depicted as a wild, uncontrollable bunch.

Man up and use a condom.

There are serious side effects from the pill... Condoms? Not so much. The Pill can screw with your emotions and physical health 24/7 -- condoms are only annoying during sex. It takes a long time to switch pills and find one that fits. It's much easier to go through different types of condoms and find one that is good. (Even though both options are expensive.)

Eventually hopefully she'll be able to use an IUD. Until then, he needs to use a condom.

@25 yea, I was like that too before I realized that was because I was really attracted to girls.

Average age for first sexual encounter is younger than 15, abstinence-only education only pushes that out 6 months. Teach kids they don't have to have sex, that there are other ways of being intimate than sex (like Dan did here) and how to care for themselves if they do have sex.

@28: He said they are foolproof ways to prevent PREGNANCY. Do you contest that?
And again, your assertion about HIV rates is false. I've been debunking it for about two years now.

@27, I'm pretty sure that information came from polling american teens (possibly post-90s). that's not a universal trend, and i'm pretty sure that's a trend that's distorted by the societal pressure american teens appear to endure from every front.
As for absinance, it doesn't have to come from 'camps' where they shame and scare kids into not exploring their sexuality. In my family, our second generation of 18-year olds seem pretty at ease with sex and the other gender. I'm sure some of them would do a cost-benefit analysis and choose to fall off the wagon with a partner they have picked up in university and learned to be comfortable with over a long while. I'm not saying it's a perfect society, on the contrary. But there must be healthier ways of doing things, while staying totally sex-positive (e.g. advices like this post here).

@29: There is no foolproof way to prevent pregnancy (well, actually, hysterectomy can't reverse itself the way tubal ligation rarely does but can - there's no 100% foolproof way that is at all reversible), including abstinence from any potentially-pregnancy-causing behaviors. The sad reality is that male rapists do sometimes attack females, and contrary to wingnut belief, it is possible for pregnancy to result from rape. Unless we want to engage in some serious victim-blaming, we can't even say abstinence from any/all sexual activity is 100% effective (and, of course, abstinence has a HUGE failure rate - people practicing abstinence as their sole method of birth control sometimes fail to abstain - so typical-use rates for it are abysmal). That said, I agree with you if we except cases of rape.

Pregnancy isn't the only thing to watch out for. He really should have pointed out STDs and why the condom is a good thing for almost all the non-pregnancy-activities he listed.