Maybe if he re-brands as "Fred Mitt"?

There are still adult theaters? Ew.

My favorite tweets by comics about this yesterday. Rob Delaney: .

.@PBS Lifelong fan of your programming but I don’t know if we’ll ever work together since I BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF MY DICK ON THE REGULAR.

The fabulous Guy Branum:

Arresting someone for jacking off at an adult movie theater is like arresting someone who goes to a car wash to get their car washed.

and Billy Eichner:

Thank God I lived long enough to see the day when we all had to talk about Fred Willard's cock.

You missed out on the title of Willard's upcoming film: The Yank.

Colbert is right, either shut these down or ignore them, you can't have these open and not expect to not pleasure themselves.

I heard that there are people who get murdered in Los Angeles, and lots of collateral damage from drive-bys and the like. So, rather than do anything dangerous, or hot and sweaty, like, you know, police work, instead they have their police concentrating on public morals laws, indoors in air conditioning? Sweet.

I am glad to hear that people in law enforcement are using their resources on these really important "crimes." We can all sleep a little easier knowing that the LAPD is protecting us from masturbation in adult cinemas.

I only went once to a porn cinema, because of reasons (I was curious). And yeah, people are jerking off. Discretely though. So I didn't come back because dirty old men masturbating ain't really my thing. And also, there's the Internet. But otherwise, christ, who cares?? Let the old farts without the Internet rub one in piece.

There could have been children in that porno theater!

Hey! Wha' happened?

Apparently LAPD runs a sweep on this theater THREE OR FOUR TIMES A DAY. Good thing there's no crime or anything in LA.

I really don't care that he was jacking off with his pants 'round his ankles at the Tiki Theater. Why go to an adult theater anyway if not to masturbate? But it is sad that a 72-year-old public figure who has a pretty respectable comedic resume will have this now as the lede paragraph of any story to come (including, unfortunately, his obit). As Stephen Colbert said last night, hasn't he heard of the Internet?

Sorry, Fred. Were you just lonely, baby?

Fernwood-y Tonight?

It's an ADULT CINEMA for christsake! It's not illegal to masturbate in the presence of others unless the others object.