Today in I, Anonymous: Thanks for No Thanks

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It's only altriusm if you do it without thought of reward. Otherwise it's mere good-deedery, where you're looking for what you'll get out of it.

gloomy gus on March 5, 2012 at 9:44 AM

no way. i lost my cell phone once. a guy found it in the street, called my mother, she got a hold of me with the message, and i was able to go to the guy's house to retrieve my phone.
you give what you can. i showed up with a $20 bill. wasn't much, but at least it was something. and i certainly said thank you!!!!

onion on March 5, 2012 at 9:46 AM

20 bucks says his wife had been bitching about losing her wallet all night and since this is just another chain in the sequence of fuck ups that is her life she was half a bottle of merlot in and being overly dramatic about her mistake.

when you showed up all the guy could think about is how this wallet would get his wife to stop bitching and maybe she'd let him fuck her after another glass or two.

realities of marriage.

Swearengen on March 5, 2012 at 9:50 AM

Agreed, @1. Quit yer whining, anonymous.

daftgiraffe on March 5, 2012 at 9:52 AM

Who cares what he said in return? You met your goal, which was to get the wallet back to the owner, and he's probably red in the face from the whole experience anyway. Let it go. Move on.

suddenlyorcas on March 5, 2012 at 9:53 AM

Oh for christ's sake.

The guy didn't return the wallet FOR a thank you. That doesn't make a little common courtesy too much to dole out, does it?

You're the fucking hipsters of manners. Yeah, the guy is such a TOOL for being surprised that someone can't get two simple, courteous words out of his mouth when a stranger goes OUT OF HIS WAY to lend a hand.

Be nice.

It's not that hard. And it's not that profoundly lame to expect it.

on March 5, 2012 at 10:01 AM

@5

This is Seattle, remember? Pleasantries rule the land. "Please" and "thank-you"s are law. If you don't utter the appropriate words in the appropriate moment, they quietly fume up inside, rush home, and write a strongly-worded, passive-aggressive letter to "I, Anonoymous."

Freaks!

Confluence on March 5, 2012 at 10:02 AM

Maybe they thought polite common curtesy wasn't dead. I don't agree that expecting a thank you, is the same as seeking a reward. A thank you is more of a polite acknowledgement than a reward. But I do agree that they should let it go and cut the guy a break. Just my $0.02.

kim in portland on March 5, 2012 at 10:11 AM

Fucking hell. Someone stole my phone on a bus, I called them, and, with a sense of entitlement, they lectured me on how much they hated Apple products and would "trade" my phone for an Android product.

Samaritan, your good dead is self-justifying. The other guy was probably so spooked and distracted that he appreciated it after the encounter. Don't be an ass.

undead ayn rand on March 5, 2012 at 10:15 AM

I found a guy's phone on the sidewalk here a few years ago. Took it home, charged it up, got into his contact list, and let him know I had it. It turned out he owned a bar about five blocks away. Need I say more?

Fifty-Two-Eighty on March 5, 2012 at 10:20 AM

It's funny, I was thinking "oh that is just classic Seattle" after reading this. The owner of the wallet didn't mean any disrespect with his statement. He was just stressed out and suffers the same horrific social idiocy we all do.

And "please" and "Thank you" are hardly social pleasentries. Those are words we use to communicate that we want someone to hurry up or get out of the way.

kathy. on March 5, 2012 at 10:21 AM

She was probably cheating on him.

Wonder why....hmmmmm.

Rujax! on March 5, 2012 at 10:30 AM

@ 11 '"please" and "Thank you" are hardly social pleasantries. Those are words we use to communicate that we want someone to hurry up or get out of the way.'
so we've evolved past acknowledgement and gratitude ?
no wonder shit gets fucked up so quickly
.. and yes i think the letter writer should have just let it go.

reverend dr dj riz on March 5, 2012 at 10:32 AM

Yes, a thank you was in order.

But imagine how messed up their life probably is, for him to say "Oh jeez," instead of "thank you."

Be glad that's not your life, and move on.

EricaP on March 5, 2012 at 10:34 AM

bang my wife

aardvark on March 5, 2012 at 10:40 AM

Burn his house down.

sirkowski on March 5, 2012 at 10:47 AM

Any posting about bad manners is helpful as far as I'm concerned. Astonishingly, I think that there are a lot out there who don't realize their being rude in the first place.

Phoebe in Wallingford on March 5, 2012 at 11:00 AM

I guess I'm in the minority here, I would have been a bit pissed off if I had gone to all the trouble of returning someone's wallet and didn't even get a word of thanks.

very bad homo on March 5, 2012 at 11:27 AM

agreed, but next time, just drop in a mailbox, and let the mailman get crapped upon instead.

wilbur@work on March 5, 2012 at 11:54 AM

In a more macro sense, this is PRECISELY why conservatives hate government social programs and demand it be done through charity instead.

Because they want acknowledgement of their own sense of superiority.

If it goes to general taxes that then go to help the needy, the conservatives don't get the public recognition of their "donation."

No, conservatives only give to others in order to get something in return, because conservatives are elitist snobs.

*gets off soapbox, ambles away*

Urgutha Forka on March 5, 2012 at 11:57 AM

The fact that you didn't get all nasty in your I, Anonymous post reinforces what we've learned about your character. It's good to know that there are others out there who care.

Approaching 40 in LA on March 5, 2012 at 12:04 PM

I think anyone kind enough to go out of their way to return a lost object would be surprised at the lack of simple thanks. The surprise is that none was forth-coming. There may be any number of reasons, perhaps the fellow's wife was on the phone cancelling credit cards and he wanted to stop her. Who knows? Anon deserved a thank you, stop picking on him, you meanies.

thatsnotright on March 5, 2012 at 12:10 PM

On behalf of the idiot and his wife - Thank you.

subwlf on March 5, 2012 at 12:47 PM

This is why Seattle is the one of the rudest cities in the country. All the "please" and "thank you" and "consensus" and driving 12 miles under the speed limit on the freeway doesn't matter if in you're heart yer a vindictive little child who just wants to be told how fab you are for being you.

chimsquared on March 5, 2012 at 12:55 PM

Agree with 18 and 22. I am FAR from being Mr. J. Politeness Social-Graces, but unless my kid was in the middle of an asthma attack or something, I'd be pretty much reflexively thankful to someone who showed up out of the blue to return my lost wallet. I could see being a little befuddled thinking "should I offer him 20 bucks, or would that be weird?" or due to wondering if anything was missing, but blurting out "Wow, thanks a lot" would seem automatic.

ScrawnyKayaker on March 5, 2012 at 1:12 PM

Wow. So, a simple "thank you" has been deemed too much to hope for when going out of your way to help someone?

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

UNPAID COMMENTER on March 5, 2012 at 1:19 PM

Returning lost valuables is basic decency, not virtue. Doing it is its own reward - not doing it its own punishment. A "thank you" is pure bonus.

gloomy gus on March 5, 2012 at 1:25 PM

I'd be minorly bummed if I returned a lost wallet or phone and wasn't thanked for it, but I'd GET THE FUCK OVER IT in about five minutes and not sit down and write a buttsore I, Anonymous.

venomlash on March 5, 2012 at 1:28 PM

1. When traveling overseas, I found an American passport and several thousand dollars of travelers checks. I called around and found out which hotel the owner was staying at and left him a message. When he returned the call, he asked me to messenger the package over to him since he was in too much of a hurry to grab a cab over to where I was staying (10 minutes away). I did messenger it over, but I'll never forget that shithead lawyer from New York.

2. I found a wallet that contained only a 16-year old's driver's license and mailed it back to him, and both he AND his mother sent me very nice thank you messages. I expect it took them only a couple of minutes, but it was nice of them, and now I don't think of them as shitheads.

the idiot formerly known as kk on March 5, 2012 at 1:43 PM

@24: These people are all over the country, let alone the world.

@29: Jesus, I'd never do that first one. I can't believe your patience.

undead ayn rand on March 5, 2012 at 1:48 PM

@27 No, not stealing it is a basic decency. Taking the extra effort to make sure it gets back to the owner is going above and beyond. This anon could have done any number of things- like turn it into the nearest shop, or (as I suspect many of the people here would do) just walk right on past. But they didn't- they instead took the time out of their day to bike across town to make sure the owner received it. Sure sounds to me like a good reason to say "thank you".

UNPAID COMMENTER on March 5, 2012 at 1:51 PM

Jesus fuck, people. Sure, he might be whining a little bit, but that's what I, Anonymous is for. Not thanking someone for returning your wallet? That's being an asshole. If you don't want to be an asshole, thank someone [i]when they find your wallet![/i]. Social pleasantries grease the wheels, and not just in Seattle. Just wait til I find your wallets.

STJA on March 5, 2012 at 1:54 PM

@20 and @32 FTW. Please & thank you are simply ways of acknowledging another person's existence and autonomy. "Oh -- you exist. And you didn't have to hold that door for me."

Not thanking someone = treating them like a servant.

this guy I know in Spokane on March 5, 2012 at 2:03 PM

@29 Here's a worse one.

One time I lost my phone in the U District and the kid who found it in the street called my mom. She works on the Metro system here in Seattle, and was trying to talk this kid into waiting for a particular bus and handing off the phone to the driver, who would meet up with her somewhere. She was taking so long to work out this scheme that the Good Samaritan in question eventually just gave up and hung up on her, and that was the last we heard of my old phone.

I mean, I love my mom and everything, but who does that? She could have had him drop the phone off at the L&F of the nearest building and solved my problem in 3 minutes. It was a brand new phone too.

I apologize on behalf of all Seattle for our incorrect usage of "please" and "thank you". But really, that's just the way we communicate. And I always know if I need something I can ask anyone in the street or on the bus, people do help eachother out here as long as you don't get too chatty.

kathy. on March 5, 2012 at 2:39 PM

I was in Busan, South Korea a few months ago when I found a wallet sitting on a chair in a large cafe. I saw the couple who had been sitting there before me, and literally chased them out of the building waving the wallet over my head and yelling "hey over here" in Korean. I don't think I got a kamsahamnida or komawoyo from them, but what I did was highly unusual and probably a little rude. I think I was supposed to leave the wallet exactly where it was and not acknowledge or interact with it in any way, as it was none of my business. I'm not Korean, though, and I couldn't comprehend leaving someone to eventually figure out they'd lost their wallet, so I acted like an American and ran after them. I also apologized profusely for bothering them, which was as close to Korean politeness as I could manage in the moment. I still feel bad for bothering them.
Moral of the story: a "thank you" is not a given. Knowing you did the right thing by your own moral compass is the best you can hope for in any situation.

stirwise on March 5, 2012 at 3:15 PM

(I should probably have noted that "kamsahamnida" and "komawoyo" are both ways of saying "thank you" in Korean. Derp.)

stirwise on March 5, 2012 at 3:16 PM

@35: Older Koreans would be embarrassed and uncomfortable with your directness, generally not willing to interact with a foreigner. Also, they generally don't give a shit about the misfortune of other Koreans. Yeah, what you describe is pretty typical of the older generations, and my mother-in-law would act just as you describe.

Youths would be happy to practice their funkily-accented English and be amused by the whole thing.

But, I think you should have turned the wallet in to the cafe's management, just as most people would anywhere.

Approaching 40 in LA on March 5, 2012 at 6:08 PM

The guy murdered his wife, and part of the cover-up scheme was for someone to find the wallet and call the cops, not return it to his house.

midwaypete on March 5, 2012 at 6:59 PM

@37: My general policy is if I know who an object belongs to, I'll bring it directly to them. Also, the couple I chased down were young, probably in their late 20's, and there was definitely no amused chitchat, they were gobsmacked.

I did find that older Koreans, especially those who had any English proficiency at all, were very eager to offer help if they thought I was even a little lost or confused. They were also eager to share food on hiking trails and at the jjimjilbang, and engage in small talk, even if they only spoke Korean.

stirwise on March 5, 2012 at 8:07 PM

Anonymous, I UNDERSTAND. I have recently found 1) An ATM card left in a machine, whose owner I chased down to give it back to and 2) a wallet at the mall, whose owner I also tracked down to give it back to. In each instance, I thought nothing other than, "Oh, I should get this back to the owner," but I was astonished to find that in each case, the guy grabbed the item out of my hand, said NOTHING, and walked quickly away! I'm sure this was partly that they were taken by surprise/worried but they were both unequivocally rude about it. WEIRD.

PetiteXL on March 6, 2012 at 12:24 AM

@38 lol

EricaP on March 6, 2012 at 9:59 AM

@28 Kind of like how you read this post and then got over it instead of writing a buttsore comment?

raggeddog on March 6, 2012 at 10:41 AM

Simply picking something up off the ground and handing it back to an owner who didn't notice they just dropped it is deserving of a "thank you." We can debate "rewards" for the return of the wallet (personally, at least $20), but "thank you" is mandatory. You thank people when they take your money (shopping, cashier/salesperson), why would you not thank someone who returned it?

Ms. D on March 6, 2012 at 1:59 PM

40 just reminded me of an incident I had in college. I found someone's ATM card poking out of a machine and rescued it before it was locked up for the weekend. Went home, looked the guy up on the student directory, and sent him an email saying I had his ATM card. After no response for 24 hours, I called. He said he'd let me know when he could come by and get it. Later that week he emailed me to ask if I could bring it all the way across campus at some ridiculous (early) hour to him. I told him I was only over in his neck of the woods once a week, but could drop it off then or meet somewhere in the middle of campus just about any time. Never heard from him again. Really, too much of an inconvenience to come up with some middle-ground meeting place to get your debit card back...you think the nice person who tried to save you a weekend without a card and $5 should walk a few miles at an inconvenient time to give it back? And his only response to my calling to say I had found it was "oh." No "thank you" or anything. The one time I left my ATM card in the machine, I practically hugged the bank manager who rescued it for me.

Ms. D on March 6, 2012 at 2:12 PM

To the people who don't think a simple thank you is in order: your parents shouldn't have procreated.

Once, I found an out-of-state ID on the sidewalk. I Googled the address, wrote a letter, and shipped the ID overnight. A week or so later, I received a huge box of gourmet goodies. It was from the woman whose ID I returned.

It's nice gestures like these that can change your whole freakin' day and viewpoint on life. Eff you to the jaded haters.

hazmatte on March 6, 2012 at 6:11 PM

@45: I'm not saying I wouldn't say "thank you," I'm saying we shouldn't jump to judge those who don't say "thank you." See, I'm not a jaded hater, unlike you.

stirwise on March 6, 2012 at 9:33 PM

@46": Right. Sometimes, people get stunned by good deeds and act awkward. Don't take that as a sign of intentional rudeness.

undead ayn rand on March 7, 2012 at 1:56 PM

Today in I, Anonymous: Thanks for No Thanks

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