Blogs Jun 3, 2011 at 10:30 am

The Most Heartrending Breakup Letter You'll Read All Day

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey
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Comments

1
Harsh note. I do think, though, that the girl's name and the school name should have been redacted...
ballard dude on June 3, 2011 at 10:39 AM Report this
2
"LOL, look, I wrote a break up letter like a black kid that I see on MTV would"

Zero percent chance this letter was written as anything other than a joke.
fetish on June 3, 2011 at 10:40 AM Report this
3
How about another poll option: fake letter, who cares?
also on June 3, 2011 at 10:41 AM Report this
4
Doesn't sound like a kid from my neighborhood. We bloods. That's why I exclusively wear a red bandanna when working in my yard.
Rotten666 on June 3, 2011 at 10:48 AM Report this
5
Dating Ebonics...
on June 3, 2011 at 10:50 AM Report this
6
I agree with @1 - those kids don't deserve their life spread on the internet. How many Asusna's at Aldine M.S.s could there be?
Jude Fawley on June 3, 2011 at 10:51 AM Report this
7
I don't care if it's fake or not. This is not funny. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Mr. J on June 3, 2011 at 10:56 AM Report this
8
Nothing funnier to a bunch of white seattle hipsters than the beginning of gang-life, youth pregnancy, and other elements of repression of minorities.

You're right assholes, these middle schoolers lives are FUCKING HILARIOUS. Just the beginning of the end right?!! Nothing funnier than that.
on June 3, 2011 at 10:56 AM Report this
9
For everyone concerned about redaction - this has been all over the internet already. It's not like Humphrey is posting something original. Damage has been done elsewhere, now it's just joke time.
SchmuckyTheCat on June 3, 2011 at 10:57 AM Report this
10
I agree with 6-8. This is kinda inappropriate don't you think? What the hell?
MarkM on June 3, 2011 at 10:58 AM Report this
11
Well, to be perfectly clear, Asusna doesn't go to the Aldine Middle... the other girl does. So even if it was real, I'm fairly sure it getting traced back to the original Asusna (who probably doesn't exist) is slim to none (like the birthday sex that this guy isn't going to get...)

But anybody who thinks it isn't real based on the language used has not spent much time trying to teach kids how to read or write lately. It actually sounds pretty real to me.
LogopolisMike on June 3, 2011 at 11:02 AM Report this
12
"gang-life, youth pregnancy, and other elements of repression of minorities. "

So when a 'repressed minority' squats on some gang banger's cock, it's whitey's fault? Somehow I dont see that.

And since when do Sloggers not make fun of stupid people or is that only acceptable for trailer trash?
on June 3, 2011 at 11:05 AM Report this
13
@11, okay she doesn't go to Aldine, but anyone who knows any of these kids will connect the dots.

@9, gee somehow that doesn't make me like this post any better.

This seems like bullying to me, and I don't care who started it. Kids are not cartoon characters.
Jude Fawley on June 3, 2011 at 11:08 AM Report this
14
The boy isn't in 7th grade, he should be in seventh grade. The poll is invalid.
dwightmoodyforgetsthings on June 3, 2011 at 11:09 AM Report this
15
What the shit.
netcrusher88 on June 3, 2011 at 11:11 AM Report this
16
"anyone who knows any of these kids will connect the dots."

Yes, because these kids probably spend all day on Slog reading Charles's meditations on Marxism, tunnel politics and the book reviews.

Maybe some public shaming of these illiterates and baby mamas is appropriate? It's not like their parent (s) are up to the job.
on June 3, 2011 at 11:13 AM Report this
17
13-year-old wannabe gang bangers don't have handwriting this neat or spelling this acute.
Fnarf on June 3, 2011 at 11:14 AM Report this
18
Yes, Poor Asusna Barajas of Houston, Texas.
Banna on June 3, 2011 at 11:17 AM Report this
19
And that's what a public education looks like...
Thank God for Teachers Unions!

Sidebar: Can we please find these Yawdies and forcibly sterilize them before they breed?
You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me on June 3, 2011 at 11:20 AM Report this
20
Agree with 1. You're being assholes. You should take the name off.
LiberatusQuirkus on June 3, 2011 at 11:27 AM Report this
21
At least he's not going to cheat on her.

And you people think chivalry is dead...
Urgutha Forka on June 3, 2011 at 11:34 AM Report this
22
@14 Agreed.
OuterCow on June 3, 2011 at 11:36 AM Report this
23
"17
13-year-old wannabe gang bangers don't have handwriting this neat or spelling this acute."

Hey, even among midgets there's tall ones.
on June 3, 2011 at 11:40 AM Report this
24
This is bringing back some bizarre memories from middle school for me - I'm white, but was in a middle school that was ~60% black and a bit ghetto. Weird.

I'm a little amused that at the time of my comment, there were 354 votes and only 21 comments.
ariane on June 3, 2011 at 11:41 AM Report this
25
This break-up letter should be titled "I wit'less news."
Keister Button on June 3, 2011 at 11:41 AM Report this
27
Wm. S. Humphrey, you are at least partly responsible for provoking the racist comments on this post. Not funny.
on June 3, 2011 at 11:54 AM Report this
28
Regardless of its authenticity or whether making fun of idiots is fair or not I find it a bit ironic that the same blog who got itself into a lather promoting the just cause of the Bush School teacher who resigned in protest over some letter making fun of black stereo types is publishing a post whose purpose is to make fun of black stereo types.

Maybe the post is meant to be ironic.
jnonymous on June 3, 2011 at 11:54 AM Report this
29
@19- If this note was really written by a sixth grader, it's actually not bad at all. Obviously the kid isn't going to win any spelling bees, but he's accurately using phonetic spelling and his sentence structure is good. I'm among those who feel this is fake, but if a real sixth grader (who'd been held back once already) wrote this note, then he just needs to be told to do all his homework in "white voice" and he'll do well.
dwightmoodyforgetsthings on June 3, 2011 at 11:59 AM Report this
30
@28- Close you're gods damn tags!
dwightmoodyforgetsthings on June 3, 2011 at 12:00 PM Report this
31
Clearly, more abstinence-only education is needed. That will solve this problem.
Reverse Polarity on June 3, 2011 at 12:20 PM Report this
32
" I find it a bit ironic that the same blog who got itself into a lather promoting the just cause of the Bush School teacher who resigned"

Didn't u hear boyz? Da Stranger is da' voice of Seattle niggaz an' wiggaz, y'all! Lol!
on June 3, 2011 at 12:21 PM Report this
33
@30, if I'm not mistaken anyone can close a tag mistakenly left open by an earlier commenter, just by inserting the appropriate closing tag:

Did it work?
Fnarf on June 3, 2011 at 12:21 PM Report this
34
"Clearly, more abstinence-only education is needed"

Actually, u can guarantee they've never heard the word 'abstinence'. Abstinence only is not taught in any inner city schools which is why black youth are doing so fabulously well with regular sex Ed.
on June 3, 2011 at 12:24 PM Report this
35
Yeah... If it were real it would be in written in spray paint on the side of a quickie-stop.
You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me on June 3, 2011 at 12:43 PM Report this
36
Oh, stewardess, I speak jive!
Anastasia Beaverhausen on June 3, 2011 at 1:01 PM Report this
37
i approve of the use of "tet tets" but he placed an apostrophe where it doesn't belong.
mr. herriman on June 3, 2011 at 1:11 PM Report this
38
Isn't young love wonderful?
Catalina Vel-DuRay on June 3, 2011 at 1:29 PM Report this
39
@34:
>implying that inner-city schools in poor neighborhoods are properly funded for classes in general, let alone sex ed
venomlash on June 3, 2011 at 1:52 PM Report this
40
@38
Nice...!
You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me on June 3, 2011 at 2:11 PM Report this
41
yeah, redact names and places. in fact, redact the entire letter.
onion on June 3, 2011 at 2:33 PM Report this
42
Stop being jerks about an obviously fake letter you guys. You're damaging my delicate sensibilities.
suddenlyorcas on June 3, 2011 at 3:10 PM Report this
43
"implying that inner-city schools in poor neighborhoods"

Seattle spends more tax money per student on south end students.
on June 3, 2011 at 3:29 PM Report this
44
@39

2008: Chicago Public Schools spent $11,300 per student.

2010: Glen Ellyn public schools spend $$10,555 per student.

Which district gets higher scores in math and reading?

Glen Ellyn.

Maybe 'acting white' shouldn't be an epithet?

Guess which district turns out more gang bangers and baby mamas?

Chicago.

Apparently there's no amount of money you can throw at failed parents to educate their kids. 

Both districts spent more than Seattle does on my kids and they both score in the top 1% for math and reading.
on June 3, 2011 at 4:03 PM Report this
45
Chicago's catholic schools spent on average 20% less than public schools per student yet get far higher results.
on June 3, 2011 at 4:18 PM Report this
46
@30 SORRY ABOUT THE TAGS but what is up with accusing me of being multiple gods?
jnonymous on June 3, 2011 at 5:17 PM Report this
47
Oh yes. Catholic schools. Such a bargain. Especially if you want to make sure your children will never grow up to be Catholic. And you don't care if they can spell.

Spend the money you would otherwise waste on Catholic (or Christian) school tuition, and buy a house in a neighborhood with good public schools. No one ever went wrong sending their child to Laurelhurst Elementary instead of st whatevers.
Catalina Vel-DuRay on June 3, 2011 at 8:53 PM Report this
48
@46. A Battlestar Galactica reference perchance?
Sandiai on June 4, 2011 at 12:04 AM Report this
49
@16 What has Asusna done to deserve any public shaming? The only information we have about her is that she wasn't willing to have sex and her boyfriend broke up with her over that when he found somebody who would. While it's a fairly classic move for men to attack females for refusing to have sex, I don't see why she should be publicly shamed for it. We also have no input about her degree or literacy. You could argue that she had poor taste in boyfriends, but she's obviously young, and really, who hasn't had bad boyfriend or girlfriend at some point? It's certainly not an issue worthy of public shaming.
on June 5, 2011 at 1:12 AM Report this
50
@45 How do you know this wasn't written by a catholic priest?
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on June 5, 2011 at 9:49 AM Report this
51
The third option must be amended. The writer says that he "should" be in seventh grade. That implies that he's been left back at least once. (I'm assuming that he's a he. I don't imagine many lesbians are out in sixth grade.)
DRF on June 5, 2011 at 10:25 PM Report this
52
Fnarf's got it.
LadyX on June 6, 2011 at 7:41 AM Report this

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