Black Velvet. Weeping Jesus. Dream Catcher.

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That is amazing. I kind of want one of my own.

care bear on June 6, 2010 at 8:34 PM

You spend a lot of time in Iowa. God bless you.

Biscuit on June 6, 2010 at 8:35 PM

It's the Three Wolf Moon of Christian/Native American kitsch art.

venomlash on June 6, 2010 at 8:35 PM

That may be the single tackiest object known to man.

Lee on June 6, 2010 at 8:36 PM

Huh. I always thought Jesus would be a pitcher.

rob! on June 6, 2010 at 8:47 PM

He's only crying because of what you did together in that bedroom... and because he wishes he could join in.

boyasunder on June 6, 2010 at 8:51 PM

I would buy it if it were also a clock.

Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on June 6, 2010 at 8:59 PM

You know Iowa is pro gay because even Dream Catcher Jesus get's good lighting.

SurlyYurmom on June 6, 2010 at 9:05 PM

Needs more Elvis.

Doctor Memory on June 6, 2010 at 9:23 PM

Well, lord knows no one's as pretty in the morning as they were the night before, but leave it to drama queen Jesus to shed tears over the fact. How rude to you both.

gloomy gus on June 6, 2010 at 9:26 PM

Aaw, shucks, I was in the same state as my favorite columnist this weekend and didn't know it. And yes, tacky Christian art is common. You should see my uncle's house (though I think most of it is his wife's influence).

lqtm on June 6, 2010 at 9:41 PM

Dan they are going to kill and lockup gay people in Uganda make an announcement on the podcast, tell people to right to their senators and congressional representatives

Deramerikaner on June 6, 2010 at 9:52 PM

Jesus is way too sensitive.

very bad homo on June 6, 2010 at 9:53 PM

Are dreamcatchers a karmic punishment for the genocide of the american indians? Because the retribution seems disproportionate...

sirkowski on June 6, 2010 at 10:05 PM

Don't forget that it was the dreamcatcherin' Jesus Iowans who elected those homo-lovin' representatives that passed a law in favor of gay marriage.

Viva fucking Iowa, and keep your tongue off those doorknobs, Dan.

TVDinner on June 6, 2010 at 10:37 PM

@ 15: That must have been the first time the phrase "the dreamcatcherin' Jesus Iowans" has ever been used in the history of the English language. bravo!

Dod on June 6, 2010 at 11:27 PM

You ask people to be tolerant of your lifestyle, but you make fun of others most closely held beliefs. Fucking hypocrite as always.

mrbombit on June 6, 2010 at 11:49 PM

It is really hard to reconcile that horrendously tacky "art" with the fact that Iowa passed gay marriage before we did. Could we get gay marriage if we allow Black-Velvet-Weeping-Jezuz-Dream-Catcher in WA?

Reverse Polarity on June 7, 2010 at 12:07 AM

@17 I don't think Weeping Jesus dream catcher on black velvet is part of anyones "most closely held beliefs" (well maybe those 'White Buffalo' nut bars). The "lifestyle" equivalent would be making fun of those little pride flag waving, leather daddy teddy bears.

Ben Weldon on June 7, 2010 at 12:28 AM

As far as I know, Jesus is a 500-lb black woman.

blackhook on June 7, 2010 at 12:35 AM

@16: Try the flound-uh! I'll be here all night!

TVDinner on June 7, 2010 at 1:01 AM

@15

Too Late!

I FUCKIN can't Help Myself!....

on June 7, 2010 at 4:37 AM

This is not quite as ugly as a vase which my grandmother used to keep. But it's got Jesus, which makes it oh so much worse. Although the plaques of Jesus and Mary watching me sleeping whenever I stayed there did always give me the fear a little, and I wasn't even old enough to do anything then to offend them...

RidingTheLightning on June 7, 2010 at 5:29 AM

17, How sad that your most closely held beliefs involve a black velvet Jesus crying on a dream catcher...

Rob in Baltimore on June 7, 2010 at 5:31 AM

@17: He's making fun of a tacky black velvet dream catcher, not Michelangelo's Pieta, for Christ's sake.

MegaLindyHopper on June 7, 2010 at 5:57 AM

Aw, that's nothing compared to some of the things I've seen on hotel room walls.

Fifty-Two-Eighty on June 7, 2010 at 6:01 AM

I'd take weird ass art over the bland art normally found in hotel rooms.

Hope you enjoyed our state. :)

IowaIan on June 7, 2010 at 6:40 AM

Maybe it's just a really keenly observed statement on Christianity's historical tendency to envelop and swallow preceding non-Christian religions as it spreads itself, (Yule becomes Christmas, Halloween iconography, etc).

Though I don't think actual Native American spiritual art was ever quite like... that...

Salmon on June 7, 2010 at 7:00 AM

@17 - despite mocking velvet Jesus dreamcatchers, I'm pretty sure that Dan has never tried to legislate against them. Feel free to fact check me.

Seriously, how can people equate attempting to make someone's existence against the law with making jokes about someone? Make fun of gay people all you want, @17, we don't care -- just don't try to kill them or outlaw their relationships. Then we'll be even.

Kee-velvet-RIST!

singing cynic on June 7, 2010 at 7:18 AM

@17 Try thinking about what you wrote. It might hurt a bit, but it will be rewarding in the end.

American Christians are fighting for the right to harm and oppress people they disagree with. We're making fun of their hotel room decor.

Speaking of hypocrisy. Christians should stop themselves from co-opting cultural artifacts from cultures they purposely destroyed. The greatest genocide in history is the Christian European conquest of the Americas.

It's a bit like a Blonde German Grand Child of a Nazi putting up a Menorah in their window because they think it's pretty. It's just not in the best taste.

Toasterhedgehog on June 7, 2010 at 7:48 AM

Oh man... I read Black Velvet and thought of whisky. And, I gleefully clicked thinking there would be a lively discussion of one of my sweetest taboos. I was all prepared to tell ya all about my delightful weekend consumption: Jefferson's Small Batch (bourbon), Wild Turkey American Spirit (bourbon), and Redbreast (pure pot still Irish Whiskey). Needless to say that I'm sorely disappointed.

kim in portland on June 7, 2010 at 8:09 AM

Always in Iowa and you never visit. Sheesh!

Lola, Missing Iowa City on June 7, 2010 at 8:19 AM

I saw one of these several years ago while visiting the Grand Canyon in Native American run gift shop.

I thought it was kind of odd. But, I guess it's a form of marketing. Now your audience I suppose.

roadtripboy on June 7, 2010 at 8:25 AM

Make that know your audience. argh.....

roadtripboy on June 7, 2010 at 8:26 AM

that is sadder than an indian in a cowboy hat.

SeMe on June 7, 2010 at 8:33 AM

Was he crying because you were following your own advice for stained guest sheets?

LukeJoe on June 7, 2010 at 8:34 AM

'Kay, so the whole point of a dream catcher is that they are "porous," you know, the centre is criss-crossed with string, and the bad dreams get "caught" in the webbing....what is velvet Jesus trying to say? "I reject your bad dreams, they bounce right back on you"?

But, more importantly, I think we need a LITTLE more information as to why you were sleeping with velvet Jesus? Were you being punished?

Canuck on June 7, 2010 at 8:37 AM

Hoe. Lee. Shit.

Though, to be fair, it's an interesting thought experiment to picture things I've seen in "cool" decor stores in Seattle that are at least as tacky (albeit in different ways).

Judah on June 7, 2010 at 9:21 AM

That photo threw me into a fit of hysterical laughter, if only because of the similarity to my parents' guest room. They have a beautiful sun room attached to their guest room upstairs, which my mother decided to turn into a prayer and meditation room, complete with flickering electric votive candle, hand-painted murals of Jesus on the walls, a kneeler for prayer (or whatever), and a photo of my dead grandmother. I stayed there once. Since then it's been a hotel for me when I visit.

Jaydog5280 on June 7, 2010 at 9:52 AM

http://www.tarryl.com/Western/Paintings/…

Rob in Baltimore on June 7, 2010 at 10:05 AM

@ 9 my sister once drove past a a velvet depiction of elvis knocking on the gold pearly gates with jesus standing on the opposite side pondering his entrance. she went up the highway a few miles before she decided she had to turn around and go purchase it. when she got back there it was gone.

reverend dr dj riz on June 7, 2010 at 10:19 AM

@17, How "deeply held" could a person's beliefs possibly be if they're willing to mix-n-match incompatible religious/spiritual iconography in such a clumsy and tacky way? This bizarre tchotchke makes me think that whoever created it is having a good laugh at both Christianity and Native American superstition, while trying to make a quick buck off of undiscerning tourists.

john t on June 7, 2010 at 10:27 AM

Hey Dan, heres a Black Velvet a bit more to your tastes..

http://fuckyeahblackvelvet.tumblr.com/po…

DrBrown on June 7, 2010 at 11:05 AM

@41: That is a most excellent story. The ending definitely makes it.

Gloria on June 7, 2010 at 11:20 AM

http://i50.tinypic.com/fdrd4z.jpg

on June 7, 2010 at 12:40 PM

WTF???! you were in iowa? we could have hung out. call next time.

aoeustnh on June 7, 2010 at 3:07 PM

@42 I couldn't have said that better. That thing is extremely Tacky. I came on here because I saw a black velvet wolf very similar to this in design, it was called a "Dream Catcher", but I had never seen one without center webbing. Is this really considered a "Dream Catcher?" All hideousness aside.

on October 20, 2010 at 5:46 AM

Black Velvet. Weeping Jesus. Dream Catcher.

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