I used to like Garrison Keillor and now I can't figure out why.

I wish he'd just shut up already.

It'd be even better if we could hear him breathing through his well-bristled nostrils while reading.

I don't know.

Maybe, the point is that people should celebrate what they celebrate, enjoy the beauty, focus on the positive, and leave everyone else the heck alone?

Maybe, it's in response to the "War on Christmas" and the boycotts of various establishments, because they have the audacity to acknowledge other celelbrations, or just cover their bases with "Season's Greetings" that groups like AFA are promoting and claiming religious persecution?

Maybe, he should skip the egg nog, Tom and Jerry, and Hot Buttered Rum?

Maybe, he's being a jerk.

Could be all of the above.

Most of the time, I wish I'd shut up already. Is Keillor really still alive? I only listen to NPR for "Wait, Wait Don't tell me (to piss into Peter Sagel's mouth" And who would read the dreck the jerk writes anyway? Oh, that's right, the Enemy. We must fight, fight -- eh, no thanks, I'll be happy with our family's Yule, robes, solstice and Figgy Pudding! Don't know what it is, but it sounds like a tasty dip for latka and oplatki.

@3 If was it just hey here is some neat Christmas shit I like, then I might agree that it was like the first two things you mentioned. But he has to attack people who celebrate Christmas different from him.

Where I have a problem is when people go beyond simply celebrating how they like and start insisting that I do the same. You want to say Merry Christmas knock yourself out. But don't come and tell me I am doing something wrong when I say happy holidays. That's what he seems to be doing.

Hard to reconcile this with the Keillor I once knew.

Senility?

But Geezuz was a Jew.

@5: I agree.

Fuck Garrison Keillor. Up the ass.

In the immortal words of The Joker: "If you have to explain the joke, it's not a joke!"

Unitarians listen to the Inner Voice and so they have no creed that they all stand up and recite in unison, and that's their perfect right, but it is wrong, wrong, wrong to rewrite "Silent Night."

So, Garrison, was it also wrong to rewrite that English drinking song and "God Save the Queen" to become "The Star-Spangled Banner" and "My Country, 'Tis of Thee"? How many other Christian hymns have been tweaked or re-written wholesale to serve different denominations?

And instead of the archaic, useless, and generally mumbled phrasings of the Nicene or Apostle's Creed, how about this Unitarian credo as a genuinely relevant kick-in-the-pants:

May love be the spirit of this church,
May the quest for truth be its sacrament,
And service be its prayer.

To dwell together in peace,
To seek knowledge in freedom,
And to help one another in fellowship,
This is our aspiration.

He's just presenting the same old caricature of himself as the fusty Lutheran, reconciling tolerance with curmudgeonliness, bristling at some aspect of how the world is changing, but in a way that doesn't reinforce republican politics. And actually I sort of agree. You probably shouldn't just rewrite a hymn because you don't like the fundamental premise of the theology behind it. It's a little bit smug. Of course, that's naive given the context of religious history, which is one appropriation or accommodation after another--e.g. christmas being moved to appropriate pagan solstice celebrations. But naive longing for a time that's gone by or may have never existed, sincerely expressing that impulse while lovingly satirizing it is his shtick. Call it Lutheran camp. His point isn't that jewish beliefs or unitarian beliefs are wrong or bad, he just wishes they'd leave the stuff that's important or sacred to him alone. It's sort of like not wanting the peas and the mashed potatoes on your dinner plate to touch; I love hearing traditional jewish musics, and I love hearing Christian carols, and I love hearing non-dogmatic transcendentalist odes to nature and whatever but personally, I would be okay with not having to hear another Kenny G christmas album ever.

Think Frederic Jameson: postmodernism is the cultural language of late capitalism. So the more subtle move is he's using the traditional religious concern for the preservation of christmas in a way that has a diametrically opposite relationship to commercialism from the right-wingers who talk about the "war on christmas." The right wants Christian hegemony--this is threatened by failure to appropriate religious symbols into a sales pitch. Keillor wants a rich, diverse pluralism--this is threatened by appropriation of religious symbols into a sales pitch.

That said, I understand why people don't get the tone of the humor if they don't have a lot of direct experience amongst northern protestants of the type Keillor represents/speaks to/satirizes. (This is probably similar to why most white folks don't get Tyler Perry's humor, even if they know a bunch of black people). Again, outrage is only coming from people who don't listen to the radio show and thus lack experience in the unique tone & subject position Keillor writes from.

One vote here for "impaired douche". Satire, irony, character shtick, whatever.

If Keillor is too deep for you, try reading Dave Barry literally.

And thanks for the link - I'd hate to have missed GK's hilarious rip on Larry Summers.

Garrison Keillor has become a grumpy, old curmudgeon. Even if this is satire or irony or whatever - it's just not fucking funny or interesting at all.

Did someone really write secular lyrics for "Silent Night"? That is pretty low. Link please.

I was raised in the Unitarian/Universalist Church (I attended Sunday School and services at University Unitarian in Wedgewood as a child and teenager) and I can confirm that the hymnal used does include many hymns and songs that have been rewritten to include gender neutral language and pretty much excise the words Jesus, God, or any reference to spirituality and Christian references. I always thought it was a mistake and made the church and religion seem insufferable and boorish.

I agree with Garrison Keillor here that hymns should not be rewritten like the Unitarians are wont to do.

Personally I enjoy Keillor on the radio much more than I do in print. His irony, satire, or whatever comes off much better in the medium.

I like how Dan is still hurt over people disagreeing with him the last time. You might be right this time, Dan, but god, you're insufferable yourself sometimes.

@22, if you haven't revisited any of this since you were in your teens, I think the point is to avoid creating either the impression or the reality of a body of doctrine--specific beliefs in virgin birth, immaculate conception, Jesus as lord, how and why to pray, the nature of sin, life after death, etc., etc. From what I know of Unitarian Universalism, the major emphasis is on our responsibility to seek truth on our own and to care for others. There is in fact no wish to deny spiritual feeling or to suppress the elements of truth or wisdom one may find in the many spiritual traditions around the world. Parts of these traditions are often included in services in a kaleidoscopic manner. The "hymnal" has been updated several times and includes many original works, and the church I was able to attend for a time had a brilliant musical director who enriched the services with an incredible variety of instrumental and vocal works from the whole of musical history and invention. I always departed invigorated.

The best Christmas songs are the secular ones, written by the great American songwriters, in a short, short burst following "White Christmas". "Winter Wonderland", "Sleigh Ride", "I'll Be Home For Christmas", even "Baby It's Cold Outside -- these are the true classics, more than the rubbish hymns (though I kind of dig "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen".

This gay, liberal atheist loves Garrison Keillor. And Christmas. And those secular carols written by Jews. I'm post- all that.

Blech. I'm all about agnosticism and atheism, but most of the secular songs are drek. Not this one, but 95% of them. I think Fnarf named all the good ones, but unfortunately included "Sleigh Ride" in his list.

I can't believe Garrison Keillor has an audience. Lake Woebegone days was more boring than listening to paint dry. Christ, what a dullard.

If this is satire, it's not very good. I write satire myself from time to time, and I could write it better, I think...

If I'd written this, it'd sound more like this...

"Christmas is a Christian holiday: I mean, it's not like Jesus was born to promote kindness and tolerance towards other religions and their followers - psh, dream on. Jesus was born to sell my bratty and unappreciative kid a Furby. Stop trying to make MY Christmas joyful and happy for everybody. Jesus would be ashamed."

I'm partial to some of those old english folk tunes; e.g., the Ditching Carol.

http://www.hymnsandcarolsofchristmas.com…

Full of rousing sentiments of nascent socialism.

@27
Those songs are alright, but Christmas music went to a whole nother level when Elvis got into the business.

@31

Wow. You and Garrison Keillor should go on tour together. You might not sell out Madison Square Garden. Just a wager.

@34 - Ouch... I've been burned. But hey, all I can do is try, and I consider myself to be halfway decent at the process of writing ironically. Nice one, though - I do like a good joke :)

I dunno, I guess if you're familiar enough with his style to know what tone to read into his comments, then maybe you can tell it's humor/satire/spoof? The problem, for those of us who are uninitiated, is that it reads EXACTLY like the ravings of someone who actually means it. It looks like a transcript of a Glenn Beck monologue.

If you have to be in the club to think it's funny, then OK, I'm not in the club. Guess I'll just have to go on living my sad little life as best I can.

I used to enjoy Keillor. Now he's turning into one of those people whose attempts at humor are laced with hostility.

This Unitarian will be singing "Silent Night" on Christmas eve with her one and only husband of 20+ plus years and beloved adult son who is gay. I've never valued Keillor's opinion on family or religion and I'm certainly not going to start now.

Dan, take a chill pill. Honestly, Keilor is on your side, but you're too fucking politically correct to get it. He's an old fashioned liberal who clings to his old fashioned values and vocally wants you to cling to yours. If you think this is your hill to die on, then the battle is lost man.

GK is old and boring, and soon only old and boring people will enjoy him.

So a writer tries something creative and fails.

Charles Mudede does so several times a day, and you don't crap all over him.

Fnarf: I can't believe you forgot "Santa Baby." :-)

@42 Yes. If Garrison Keillor doesn't want to hear things that disturb is quaint sensibilities at church, he should go to a church that doesn't require him to think so much. Go UUs!

@ 40,
Clearly you don't read the comments on Mudede's posts, if you think that.

Sounds like someone needs to read Getting Acquainted with Jewish Neighbors: A Guide Book for Church School Leaders of Children.

http://awfullibrarybooks.wordpress.com/2…

Learn to tell your enemies from your allies Dan. And learn how to accept an apology graciously.

http://www.sfbaytimes.com/index.php?sec=…

Keillor is one of the precious few voices of tolerance, reason and humanism speaking to the great wide middle of America. He's the antidote to Limbaugh and Hannity and Beck to a huge swath of the population that very much needs to hear that. These people are not listening to your podcast.

He's approaching 70 and suffered a stroke this past year. There is no one to replace him when he dies.

You can call out your friends when they're out of line but "Garrison Keillor is an asshole" pretty much ends the conversation. And you're wrong.

@40, it's not fair to pick on Charles all that much. He banged his head as youth, diving into the family swimming pool.

I just wish these Christians would lay off of Saturnalia for ONCE. Uptight prude-y squares. Nothing ruins the Season like those terminally un-hip presumptors, bringing their piety and their sanctimony and their whole big bunch of no-fun, guilt trip scene to the best party of the year. Who needs that tired old crap?

Not this born-and-raised Unitarian, that's for damn sure.

What he needs is a kick in the nuts, all in a joking kind of way, I could laugh while I kick him. People could look for a variety of ways that this is something other than it appears.

Sometimes things are exactly as they appear.

I live in hope that someday, the tedious pile of bullshit known as Prairie Home Companion will vanish from the earth, and all over the US Croc-wearing, expensive stroller pushing bobos will suddenly ask themselves, "What the fuck were we thinking, listening to that?" and it will be as though it were all a bad dream. One that's over.

Before reading this thread, I wouldn't have thought it possible to fit so much cluelessness into so small a space. What's next, Dan, attacking Stephen Colbert?

And don't you just hate it when some self-righteous prigs can't take a joke about the "Tard Supper" :
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
Cause, you know, savage is so enlightened an all that. See how that works?

Christ, what an asshole.

The higher the monkey goes on the pole, the more ass you see.

Garrison Keillor, shut the hell up.

Good satire shouldn't have to be pointed out as satire ... and as for the gay parents column, he's the douche who has been married 4 times having 2 kids 30 years apart! Kind of rips his argument - satire or not - to shreads.

He was MUCH funnier when he drank. Excessively.

@22 I was born and raised in Eastshore UUC in Bellevue, and still attend Christmas services there, where the Christmassy Christ-centric stuff is still sung in its original forms. Obviously every UU church approaches this stuff based on the congregational views, but mine seemed to stick with the original wording. I don't have a problem, however, with removing some references. I attended with people who considered themselves agnostic or atheist, but we all were there because it was a place where we could pursue our free and responsible search for truth and meaning with other like-minded people. It made us uncomfortable to sing a bunch of stuff about Jesus, especially when many of our members had Jewish heritage.

He's doing what Stephen Colbert does every Monday-Thursday on The Colbert Report...mocking the people who would say these things and actually mean them, except that they never quite say so blatantly what it's obvious they're thinking. Keillor's mockery is by way of kind of asking "What's that? I didn't quite hear you...here, let me turn up the volume a little...oh, that's what I thought you were saying, but I wasn't sure." He's exposing it and they what what and who they are. I get it. I love it. As a Unitarian who was shot because she was taken for a Jew, that is.

Garrison is a national treasure.

The culture will be poorer when he is gone.

Prairie Home Companion is a crime against humanity...

Keillor caught a case of Andy Rooney™

It's always the Jews and homosexuals.

GK's humor on the radio can really subtle. It always takes me up until the moment before they say "You should try Katsup" to realize what I am hearing is a comedy sketch and not a dramatic dialogue about somebody going through a tough time.

Imagine his piece in spoken form. Think it can be said in such a way that conveys satire? I think so. He just doesn't translate well to the written form.

I don’t know, I kind of get it.

I’m the kind of Jew who likes Christmas. My folks, on the other hand, are veritable Scrooges. Christmas isn’t a secular holiday for them, it’s a Christian holiday, with all the tell-tale traits of the incorrigible Gentile: annoying naivete, choral arrangements, enthusiastic group activities, fattening but bland food, overemphasis on interior decorating and lawn care. Feh! They thread their way through the city, trying to avoid even momentary contact with a Christmas carol. The notion that “Christmas is for Christians” would strike them as too obvious to bear repeating.

Honestly, I get the whole point of even the “Put the Christ back in Christmas” sincere types. As a religious holiday, Christmas is a pretty lovely, inspiring thing. As That Time Of The Year When You Buy Stuff for People You Hate, it can bring out the worst in everyone. I can understand Garrison Keillor wanting to fight that trend.

Irving Berlin, though … don’t mess with Irving Berlin.

Garrison Keillor reminds me of Steve Martin - I can see how he could be funny, but only old folks actually laugh at it.

This kind of shtick bores me.

73: don't forget the virgin birth! :)

Good satire here, Dan.

Like Bill O'Reilly, Kathy Griffin, Mary Matalin, and countless other public "personalities" you take seemingly nonsensical stances to get to get column inches (or blog pixels or whatever) and wait to see how many people take your persona seriously. Then MSNBC and your syndicate sends you cash. I really wish I were that creative and intelligent.

I once took a test online to assess my spirituality. It told me that my spritual beliefs were most in line with UU. I read about it, agreed with the online assessment, and decided to visit a UU church, in hopes of finding a like-minded community. Three times during this service, everyone stood and opened hymnals and sang. THREE TIMES. While the hymns were stripped of religious references, they were still as stupid as church hymns ever are. I was aghast that, with the opportunity to completely reinvent church service as something new and interesting, they chose to retain this loathsome practice. HYMNS?! WHY? Ugh.

@76- People like singing together. I don't attend any church, but back in my prep school days we had a Wednesday campus meeting where songs (including hymns) were sung and I enjoyed the heck out of it.

And Did Those Feet
In Ancient Times
Walk upon Englands Mountains Green?
And was the Holy
Lamb of God
On England's Pleasant pastures Seen?

Bring me my bowl
of burning weed
Bring me the needles I desire
Bring me my spear
Oh legs unfold
Let's watch Chariots of Fire!

I absolutely believe that Keillot's piece was intended as satire. Nothing else he does is funny, so why should his attempts at irony be any different?

Well, looks like no one has added a comment to this in a long time, but I'll go ahead anyway.

While searching for a satirical piece that Keillor did on aging and Christmas, I found the link to this column. Read the excerpt from a column Keillor wrote a few years ago, and was, like some of the other commenters here, puzzled.

The excerpt doesn't sound like Keillor--it sounds mean-spirited, and narrow, and biased, and while Keillor might seem archaic and out of it to many today, he is not ill-liberal. He's very much, as anyone who has listened to him for years knows, the opposite.

So I read the column in full. The excerpt, read in context, reads very differently, and is not, as D Savage suggests here, full of bias and anti-this and that...

More interestingly to me, though, is how beautifully this column illustrates the dangers of taking out of context anything written or said...Mr Savage, as a writer, advice giver, and columnist, should know better than to do that.

Well, looks like no one has added a comment to this in a long time, but I'll go ahead anyway.

While searching for a satirical piece that Keillor did on aging and Christmas, I found the link to this column. Read the excerpt from a column Keillor wrote a few years ago, and was, like some of the other commenters here, puzzled.

The excerpt doesn't sound like Keillor--it sounds mean-spirited, and narrow, and biased, and while Keillor might seem archaic and out of it to many today, he is not ill-liberal. He's very much, as anyone who has listened to him for years knows, the opposite.

So I read the column in full. The excerpt, read in context, reads very differently, and is not, as D Savage suggests here, full of bias and anti-this and that...

More interestingly to me, though, is how beautifully this column illustrates the dangers of taking out of context anything written or said...Mr Savage, as a writer, advice giver, and columnist, should know better than to do that.