Blogs Apr 13, 2009 at 11:25 am

Polar Bear "Attacks" Idiot

Bethany Jean Clement
Back to article

Comments

1
I saw that photo yesterday and thought for sure it was photoshopped. But, no, apparently someone actually is that stupid.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:30 AM Report this
2
There was a news report stating that the woman was 'mentally challenged.'

Gee, no shit, Sherlock.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:31 AM Report this
3
the german gov't should make a deal w/her: we'll pay for cosmetic surgery on these wounds if you let the doctors tie your tubes while they're at it.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:36 AM Report this
4
Darwin Award

or as the bear refers to her "Snack!"
on April 13, 2009 at 11:38 AM Report this
5
Why must people mess with animals at zoos? She completely deserved to be chewed on.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:40 AM Report this
6
Drama queen. It was just a little love nip.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:40 AM Report this
7
I assumed it was a suicide attempt, but she changed her mind.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:42 AM Report this
8
Technically not a Darwin Award, since she survived (and can still propagate). Still, a worthy attempt. Purposely jumping into an enclosure of bears, during feeding time no less. Well done!!1!

If these bears are punished in any way, it will be a gross miscarriage of justice.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:44 AM Report this
9
Man, I can think of dozens of ways I might want to off myself, but "getting eaten by bear" is seriously, seriously a messed up way to go. Netflix "The Edge" if you don't believe me.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:44 AM Report this
10
why does this invariably happen in germany? 'bout eight years ago some scheisskopf did this in another teutonic zoo. the bears just ignored him. the headline in the sun said 'i can't bear it anymore!'.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:45 AM Report this
11
They shouldn't have saved her.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:47 AM Report this
12
this is what happens when your citizens don't have unrestricted access to firearms.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:47 AM Report this
13
the zoo authorities stated that the bears would not be punished in any way, due to the fact that they're fucking bears and that's what bears tend to do. one of the bears she approached was a famous cub raised by people, so i'm guessing she thought it would be all friendly and stuff. but there was three other non-human-raised bears in there too and those bears were the ones that stole her sweater.

i think what needs to be noted is that if these bears did in fact "viciously attack" this woman, she would be dead and everyone witnessing the event would have barfed. that bear was playing with her...i hate sensationalistic journalism.
on April 13, 2009 at 11:56 AM Report this
14
follow the link to the story and watch the video. Bears don't look really committed to killing or anything, more like they are driven by agressive curiousity. It's why I'm glad I'm much much bigger than my cats...
on April 13, 2009 at 12:06 PM Report this
15
@12: You got that right, your lordship.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:07 PM Report this
16
Oh the things people will do for fame these days.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:08 PM Report this
17
If Charles posted this, you'd all be trashing him for displaying a wet t-shirt picture.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:10 PM Report this
18
Global warming.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:14 PM Report this
19
What douglas@13 said. A vicious polar bear is a very different thing. That woman was very, very, very lucky. Also, I hope these bears do not now have a taste for human flesh. I plan to ride to Prudhoe one of these days. I would be very pissed if I got eaten by this bear because of her stupidity.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:16 PM Report this
20
Ok, she just missed being a Darwin Award winner. That award instead goes to this guy.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnew…
on April 13, 2009 at 12:22 PM Report this
21
Based on the photo, I'd say pound-for-pound it was a fair fight.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:24 PM Report this
22
And this is why I support the right to arm bears.

on April 13, 2009 at 12:27 PM Report this
23
Oh, but they look so cute. Surely they must be harmless.

I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often with pandas.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:28 PM Report this
24
Everyone should watch the VIDEO. It's hilarious. I hate to be mean, but...she could have easily been mistake for a seal. She is lucky they didn't kill her.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:30 PM Report this
25
i love that the paper used the phrase "at feeding time" twice in a 200-word blurb.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:40 PM Report this
26
@24 - OK, I am a horrible person, but that really was hilarious.

@19 - unless polar bears share some sort of universal hive mind, I doubt the one that eats you in Alaska will do so because the one that chomped this woman in Berlin sent out a message saying humans are yummy.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:42 PM Report this
27
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHHIl2Lkx…

The video is like a horror film- the polar bears are circling, and just a one dives below the surface to devour her, they lift her to safety...

that is, until she falls out of the rescue float straight into the maw of her pursuer.
on April 13, 2009 at 12:43 PM Report this
28
Did the beer garden open early that morning?
on April 13, 2009 at 12:59 PM Report this
29
Do you remember that Tim fellow who followed grizzlies around blowing kisses and singing happy birthday? He was also eaten. His visiting girlfriend cowered in the tent while he was screaming "I'm being eaten... please help!" A video camera was running in the tent so only the sound was recording. He was yelling she should hit the bear with something so it would stop chewing him. She complied and was eaten as well. Some people are soooo stupid.
on April 13, 2009 at 1:15 PM Report this
30
lucky kraut. polar bears are mean mo fos. these bears were obviously not interested in tearing her to pieces or they were bored.
on April 13, 2009 at 1:18 PM Report this
31
Maybe she just saw one too many Werner Herzog movies and cracked.
on April 13, 2009 at 1:30 PM Report this
32
I love how the opening sentence in the CNN story develops.

"A polar bear attacked a woman at Berlin Zoo Friday afternoon....": Okay, this could go a few directions. Maybe the bear escaped and went on a woman-biting rampage. Maybe she fell in the bear's lair.....

"... after she climbed a fence and jumped into its habitat...": Oh, so she wanted to be in there. With polar bears. hmmm

"... during feeding time ....": That must be the least opportune time to snuggle with polar bears. Or was she trying to get their food? Odd, then, that she nearly became the object of her desire.

I have zero sympathy for that fool. I hope she gets a bill for the ambulance, EMTs, zoo personnel, etc. that had to save her dumb ass. And, if any actual accident victim in Berlin suffered for one extra second because this ambulance was directed to collect this idiot, well, then she should pay those victims for their suffering. What a waste of resources.

So, here's to the bears: Congratulations, bears! You done good. Just next time, don't release your jaws or get bugged out by a bright red life preserver.
on April 13, 2009 at 1:32 PM Report this
33
Her family needs to sue coca-cola...all those damn, cute Christmas ads with adorable polar bears drinking coke has obviously messed with people's brains.
on April 13, 2009 at 1:35 PM Report this
34
Where was the Bear Patrol during this attack? My taxes are paying for them to keep the bears controlled.
on April 13, 2009 at 1:37 PM Report this
35
@29,

No, he told her to run, but she decided to hit the bear with a frying pan instead. Then the bear ate her. There's a whole movie about it. It's good. You should watch it.
on April 13, 2009 at 1:46 PM Report this
36
Obviously it was a suicide attempt. Hopefully the woman will get the help that she needs. I didn't find the video terribly funny myself...
on April 13, 2009 at 2:59 PM Report this
37
@29 That was a great Herzog film..that guy was an effin moron...it was like the bears could sense his CRAZY and tolerated him until one day they just couldn't.

I think Richard Thompson did the music for it to, which made it even better.
on April 13, 2009 at 3:09 PM Report this
38
That woman is incredibly lucky to be alive. Remember the boy who was half eaten by a polar bear at the Prospect Park Zoo in 1987? Only half eaten because the bears were killed by police.
on April 13, 2009 at 3:16 PM Report this
39
@26: I meant that they might release the bear someday, and that it would be my luck that he would wander over to Alaska (the Arctic is one big ice flow most of the year) and eat me right off my motorcycle.
on April 13, 2009 at 3:46 PM Report this
40
Someone needs to add "Yakkity Sax" to that video
on April 13, 2009 at 4:04 PM Report this
41
@9 Ooh, I had nightmares about that scene in "The Edge." That's one fucked-up way to die.
on April 13, 2009 at 5:41 PM Report this
42
Folks, The Polar Bear Club's annual swim does not include actual polar bears.

on April 13, 2009 at 7:32 PM Report this
43
Looks like that bear took one bite out of her fat ass then had to rinse his mouth out.Nasty!
on April 14, 2009 at 6:38 AM Report this
44
Why do we rescue these people?
on April 14, 2009 at 7:49 AM Report this
45
I would rephrase the article as "Polar bears defend themselves from crazed home invader."

But I'm glad that the zoo keepers are saying they don't plan to do anything about the polar bears because *they reacted exactly the way they should under the circumstances*. Check it out, take a nibble, see if it's edible.

I think they should have left her in.
on April 15, 2009 at 7:35 AM Report this

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview
Posted by (your name here)

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.

Editors' Picks

Vote “Approved” on King County’s Crisis Care Centers Levy
Washington’s War on Drugs Starts Up Again in July
Liquor Control Busts Flowers Bar & Restaurant on the Ave
The YIMBY vs PHIMBY Battle in Seattle
Primary Election Night 2023: The Results Are In and The Stranger's Still Got It! 💅
Wanting to Stay
The Stranger
is a proud member of the media network
Masthead Ad Info & Rates Jobs at The Stranger Contact Privacy Policy Terms of Use Takedown Policy Find The Stranger Near You
Support The Stranger
All contents © Index Newspapers LLC
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134