I need your help. I used to have an awesome adventurous sex life with my partner, which has slowly devolved into really, really terrible sex as of late.I’m 30-year-old woman and have been with my partner for the last 4 years. We got together through a mutual interest in pegging. I love guys who crossdress, and while this was new to him, he really got into it. We shared fantasies about threesomes of various kinds, though nothing has eventuated yet. We’ve done lots of light bondage and S&M.
In the last year he went through a rough patch and put on some weight. He pretty much stopped dressing up, because while it used to make him feel sexy now it just makes him feel bad about his weight. Picking up people for threesomes is off the table because he wants to lose weight and feel more confident first. We are having a lot less sex because he doesn’t feel sexy. He told me that while he was happy with the kinky stuff in the past, but now it makes him feel bad. Like he’s not enough for me as he is, because there’s always some element of fantasy in the stuff that gets me off.
So he wants to have only vanilla sex for a while, to prove that I can be just as attracted to him without any of the kinky stuff. I enjoy vanilla sex with him but the crossdressing stuff gets me noticeably more hot and bothered than the other stuff. I can’t change that. So I’m unhappy because the things I enjoy are being phased out, he’s unhappy because with all this extra pressure the vanilla sex isn’t working, and it makes him feel worse about himself, and the sex is getting progressively worse and worse.
Can you help me find a way out of this mess Dan? Apart from “he should lose weight,” which he is but progress is slow. It makes me feel awful that what I want makes my partner feel worse about himself, but I really miss taking him out dancing in a cute dress, then coming home and fucking his ass, and just generally being adventurous and having heaps of fun sex.
Depression Ruins Erotic Success Story
My response after the jump…
Posted by news intern Sarah Anne Lloyd
Just before midnight on February 1, Seattle police officers responded to a report of a hit-and-run collision involving a cyclist on North 143rd Street, according to a police report. A witness told officers that a sedan had hit the male cyclist after making a "violent U-turn," driving onto the planting strip and sidewalk, and then driving eastbound toward Linden Ave. North. "Once the pedalcyclist fell to the ground," says the police report, "the male driver and male front seat passenger exited the sedan and began yelling at the pedalcyclist as he lay on the ground."
The cyclist told officers that the men were yelling, "are you [name redacted]? Are you [name redacted]?" The cyclist said he repeatedly told the men that he was not that person, and "then realized the vehicle driver had intentionally run him down," the report says.
The driver, described as a white male in his mid-20s with brown hair and a black, baggy jacket, then "put his hand into his jacket as if he had a gun inside," and the passenger, described as a male in his mid-20's with a heavy build, a brown beard and a black jacket, "clenched his fists as if he planned to punch [the cyclist] out," the police report says. The victim described the car as a black 2-door Lexus coupe.
The cyclist told police that the men noticed there was a witness watching so they fled the scene, turning southbound on Linden Ave N. The suspects were not found by police.
There actually is something I think Google Buzz could do well that it doesn't do yet: Collecting all the strands of all your social networks into one searchable database. Not quite like what Friendfeed does; what I'm suggesting instead is that Google should drop out of the social networking game altogether and instead work as a personal social networking archive. Twitter's search doesn't go backward very well at all, and trying to find anything on Facebook's mail system is a joke (which is one of many huge problems with the idea of Facebook getting into the public e-mail game, as some are theorizing.)
But in lighter social networking news, Pete Warden has analyzed the Seven Facebook Regions of the United States of America. You can see the overall map to the left here (click to enlarge), but you'll want to go and read his blog for more analysis. (I especially like "Mormonia," which is the only region that is completely surrounded by another region.) He calls Seattle's region, Pacifica, "the most boring of the clusters."
What should I be, um, looking for? Avoiding? Give me your erotic art advice, people. Or forever rest your...cases.
Photo: Kelly O holding a plaster cast of Jimi Hendrix's penis at last year's SEAF; more photos here!
Sad and macabre: his body was 69 inches long, he had a small pink tattoo near his lips, he had vitiligo, he was wigged.
By comparing bushes and trees, a scholar figured out the precise location of John Constable's 1814-15 painting The Stour Valley.
It will be more of a challenge to pin down the barren real-life venues of Michael Brophy's South of Twenty series, showing this month at G. Gibson. They're from the southeast corner of Oregon, on the eastern side of the Cascades.
But surely somebody's up to the task.
As I posted last Friday, we have three bills in the state legislature pushing to privatize WA liquor sales (SB 6204, SB 6839, and SB 6840), their sponsors arguing that the role of government isn't to peddle booze. In the midst of state and local budget crises, privatization would generate over a $100 million a year in additional revenue, advocates say. But even if it didn’t, they argue it’s more appropriate to be cutting employees’ health care and pension plans at 315 state liquor stores than to lose more teachers.
What's the other side of the debate?
Jim Cooper, vice president of the Washington Association for Substance Abuse and Violence Prevention, testified against state senator Sheldon’s bill (SB 6204) and thinks the revenue argument for privatization is bullshit (my words, not his). Successful privatization, he argues, would mean thousands of new liquor stores would flood the state, which would drive up underage drinking rates.
Right now the WSLCB brings in $850 million in revenue from selling booze, a little less than half of which goes to state and local governments ($332.7 million in 2009). Currently, the state gets money from both liquor markup and taxes, but if liquor stores go private, the state loses out on markup.
If we were to privatize liquor stores—thereby putting the state simply in the business of selling licenses— Cooper says the state would have to open up between 3,000 and 6,000 new stores to generate the same amount of revenue we are now. He adds, "We have to sell that much more booze to generate the same amount in taxes."
Then there's the case to be made regarding increased underage drinking. The liquor enforcement officers and police regularly execute compliance checks, sending teenagers into liquor stores to try and buy alcohol. “In state stores,” Cooper continues, “compliance is above 90 percent, in private stores, it’s below 70 percent.”
“We know from research that when you have a higher liquor density, there are higher rates of youth and adult abuse of alcohol," says Cooper. "In the 12th grade we have 60 percent using alcohol in last 30 days [according to AskHys, which sponsors Healthy Youth Surveys throughout Washington]. In 10th grade, the percentage is about 35 or 40. With higher access, there’s more availability, and a direct correlation to more youth drinking."
Cooper adds, “It’s an American myth" that European kids can handle their liquor. "Several states in the EU are looking to change their drinking age to 21 because of high rates of abuse.”
Which is partly true: France, Australia, Scotland, Italy, and Scotland have all explored raising their legal drinking ages in the last few years to curb youth binge drinking—but most to 18 or 19, not 21. Only France succeeded in raising its drinking age from 16 to 18 in 2009.
“The bottom line is, there’s no huge revenue increase for the state unless we drastically increase the amount of liquor we sell,” says Cooper. “We don’t know what it’s going to cost in prevention and treatment when alcohol abuse goes up that much.”
It's what's for dinner:

(CNN) — A new fast food sensation has hit the Emirates' culinary scene.The day will come when everyone is bored of beef, chicken, and camel meat. When that day happens, what animal will we turn to for the revival our excitement?Right now, Dubai diners can't seem to get enough of the "camel burger."
"It's a sensation," Ramesh, restaurant manager at "Local House" the restaurant chain behind the burgers told CNN. "Everyone's bored of beef and chicken. So, as soon as the word got out, we had queues of customers eager to give it a try."
Not only are the exotic burgers a novelty, they are also a healthier alternative to their beefy American cousins, the restaurant claims. The $6 "camel quarter-pounder" is virtually fat and cholesterol-free, according to Ramesh.
The photo is by David Dennis.
Let us know over on Line Out.

Unfortunately, Little Green is the furthest thing from "Essential." The history of absinthe is glossed over in the first twelve pages (with a few info-boxes spread through the book later on), and the rest of the book is just a bunch of recipes for absinthe cocktails. This isn't a problem if you're looking to make, say, a G.W.'s Cherry Tree (absinthe, cherry liqueur, cherry sorbet, and cherries). But if you're reading this book to learn about, say, lore and trivia, you'll come away disappointed. If you're looking to read about the history of absinthe, you'll have to look somewhere else. But if you're looking for sickly sweet-looking absinthe cocktail recipes, this looks like a great start. For bartenders and serious party-throwers only.
The GOP has made some hi-larious internet cards for St. Valentine's Day:

Ha HA, Republicans! Good one! Total burn!
Dorks.
h/t xom.
A friend tipped me off about this post at Arthur, which likens the successful uprising of the Bougainville Revolutionary Army (BRA) against two governments, (Papua New Guinea, and Australia) a division of mercenaries, and a giant mining corporation to the story of Avatar. It's a great parallel, and for this you don't need $20 or 3-D glasses or any of that shit.
Here's the first five minutes or so of The Coconut Revolution, which documents the BRA and the Bougavillians. It's not on Netfilx, and Scarecrow doesn't have it, but you can watch the whole thing here. You can also apparently buy it here. Not to take away from the first five minutes, but you should watch further in to get to some amazing-type stuff. Maybe wait until your boss takes his two-hour lunch or something. These dudes started out fighting helicopters and guns with bows and arrows, then got trapped with a gunboat blockade around the island, and they still came out on top. Look at how they make fuel. Look at how the leader carries two machine guns even though one of his arms is all fucked up. Look at the shot of a kid carrying a rifle past a long-ago sabotaged earth mover. I want to join these people.
Here is some text quoted from somewhere:
This is an incredible modern-day story of a native people’s victory over Western globalization. Sick of seeing their environment ruined and their people exploited by the Panguna Mine, the Pacific island of Bougainville rose up against the giant mining corporation, Rio Tinto Zinc. The newly formed Bougainville Revolutionary Army (BRA) began fighting with bows and arrows and sticks and stones against a heavily armed adversary. In an attempt to put down the rebellion the Papua New Guinean Army swiftly established a gunboat blockade around the island, backed by Australian Military personnel and equipment. With no shipments allowed in or out of the island, the People of Bougainville learned to become self-dependent and self-sustained.
Take that, Cameron!
h/t: Danny Noonan
Readers ask me for book recommendations in Questionland all the time. Match Book is about helping you find the right book, at the right time.

Books with Pace, Plot and Setting. Recommendations?Some of my favorite things to read are true stories of world war II especially submarine patrols, short poetry, Raymond Chandler, mysteries that take place in Nordic countries (Per Wahloo is great, not Henning Mankell for some reason). I've read the Stieg Larsson books (so-so).
I'd like something in that realm. or something completely new with those characteristics so that I branch out a bit.
That's a tall order I know. So thanks.
CB C@L
Howdy CB C@L:
Well, it's not a true World War II story, but you should give Every Man Dies Alone by Hans Fallada a shot. It's a novel written by an author who participated in German underground activities against the Nazis. You can read more about it in my interview with Alan Furst, who has written ten espionage novels set in World War II that you might find interesting, too. (A counterpart novel to Every Man is Irene Némirovsky, whose recently discovered novel Suite Francaise is the French side of the story.)
You might enjoy Fred Vargas's Inspector Adamsberg mysteries, too. They're very French and not Nordic, but there are some similarities to Wahloo's work.
And I think everyone should give Richard Stark's Parker novels a try. They're revenge crime fiction, and they're brutally, brilliantly written novels.
Are you about to go on a long vacation? Have you read everything by your favorite author but you still want more? Do you want to learn about a new subject, but don't know where to start? I can help. Ask me for book recommendations on Questionland

The McItaly is made with all-Italian ingredients and recommended by the Italian government, and everybody's mad (especially, and very understandably, the Slow Food people).
Now, courtesy of the Daily Telegraph, the definitive review:
Rachel Diacono, 17, on holiday from England, told Reuters she wished she'd gone for a pizza instead."I love trying out different McDonald's in every country I go to—France is great—but here it's like they couldn't be bothered to make the effort. They should have put mozzarella and sun-dried tomatoes in or something," she said.
Note: The McItaly (like every fast-food product known to humankind) resembles its glamour shot above only vaguely. It actually looks like this.
*Can I say that? Or will McDonalds sue me?
Posted by Sarah Anne Lloyd
Last Tuesday around 8:04 p.m., Seattle cops responded to an assault at the Downtown Emergency Service Center Supportive Housing, which provides housing to homeless individuals with chronic alcohol addiction, on Eastlake Ave. According to a police report, two men were hanging out discussing the Super Bowl when the suspect overheard their conversation and "became angry for an unknown reason, but [the victim] thinks it may have been because they were talking about the Colts and Saints."
The suspect, according to the report, is "a known Seahawks fan." The victim told police that the suspect started yelling at him stating, "I'm going to kill you," while "swinging a small portable stereo by its cord in the direction of [the victim]," the report continues. The victim told police that the stereo almost hit him twice but missed, and that he "did not believe [the suspect] would actually kill him, but was afraid of being hit by the stereo." After a little while, the suspect just walked away.
Police then contacted the suspect, who was "very intoxicated and wearing a Seahawks NFC championship cap." The suspect insisted he didn't do anything, but an on-site manager told police he'd been picking fights all evening, and said, "we tried to keep him distracted." The man was arrested for assault.
..but other than that, Paul Proulx's 7-minute montage of the films of the 2000s is remarkably well done.
Holy cow that Dark Knight scene is amazing.
Thanks for the heads-up, MetaFilter.
Posted by news intern Sarah Anne Lloyd
Last Tuesday, a Nordstrom employee went out for a smoke break on 6th Avenue; she "lit her cigarette and the suspect approached her and put his face right in front of her face and asked for a light," a Seattle police report says. She said she didn't have a light, so the suspect asked for a cigarette, but she refused to give him one. According to the police report, the man then "became very upset and cocked his hand back as if he was going to hit her," so she pulled her head back so only the man's fingertips hit her. The man started to run southbound, but when he heard her yelling to the "valet guys" to call 911, the woman said he came at her again, calling her a "bitch" and a "cunt".
The woman said she tried to run across the street to the "valet guys," but there were too many cars, so she "stood on the sidewalk and braced herself as the suspect approached her," the report continues. She told police that the suspect "again got right in her face and this time spit in her face." The man, according to the report, escaped southbound on 6th Avenue. The report says, the suspect "had blond hair and was wearing a gray zipper hoodie and green baggy cargo pants" and "had a very noticeable bruise under his left eye."

Publius is outraged for many reasons, but here is the first: "Naturally, the people in these crowds are depicted as being filled with nothing but white folks." Um? The only non-whites I've ever seen at Tea Parties, either in my own experience or from watching videos, have been onstage, speaking. An all-white teabagger crowd is probably the most realistic thing going on in that issue of Captain America. And Publius goes on:
So, there you have it, America. Tea Party protesters just “hate the government,” they are racists, they are all white folks, they are angry, and they associate with secretive white supremacist groups that want to over throw the U.S. government...Nice going Marvel Comics. Thanks for making patriotic Americans into your newest super villains.
Captain America has advanced the liberal agenda several times before, of course. Once, he fought Ronald Reagan, who had turned into a snake-man, and once he was in the room when a disgraced Richard Nixon shot himself.
(Thanks to Matt Hickey for the tip.)
Efforts to strip same-sex couples of their right to wed failed today in Iowa and New Hampshire.
Posted to The Stranger's Flickr pool by kjten22
...are planning a protest designed to drive home the absurdity of denying marriage licenses to gays and lesbians. Same-sex couples are going to apply for marriage licenses this Friday morning at the City Marriage Bureau in New York and, after their applications are rejected, one opposite-sex couple—a gay man and a lesbian—will apply for and receive a marriage license. Here's the plan for the action this Friday in NYC:
A gathering of same-sex marriage equality proponents for a press conference and rally in the park opposite the bureau; The application—and subsequent rejection—of several same-sex couples hoping to obtain a marriage license inside of the bureau; The application—and subsequent approval—of a lesbian and gay man, whom according to New York State law may legally marry each other, for a marriage license; and a significant act of civil disobedience to rival the lunch-counter sit-ins of the 1960s, in which black Americans asserted their rights of equal treatment by society at large.
If part of that plan sounds familiar—a gay man and a lesbian getting a marriage license?—it's because a co-worker and I did it here back in 2004...
The clerk called over her manager, a nice older white man, who explained that Amy and Sonia couldn't have a marriage license. So I asked if Amy and I could have one—even though I'm gay and live with my boyfriend, and Amy's a lesbian and lives with her girlfriend. We emphasized to the clerk and her manager that Amy and I don't live together, don't love each other, and don't plan to have kids together, and that we're going to go on living and sleeping with our same-sex partners after we get married. So could we still get a marriage license? "Sure," the license-department manager said, "If you've got $54, you can have a marriage license."...
Amy and Sonia and I didn't show up at the county building last Friday because we were planning to sue. We came to make a point about the absurdity of our marriage laws. Amy can't marry Sonia, I can't marry Terry—why? Because the sanctity of marriage must be protected from the queers! But Amy and I can get a marriage license and enter into a sham marriage, if we care to, a joke marriage, one that I promise you won't produce children. And we can do this with the state's blessing—why? Because one of us is a man and one of us is a woman. Who cares that one of us is a gay man and one of us is a lesbian?
So marriage has to be protected from the homos—unless, of course, the homos marry each other.
The New York activists—a new group called Queer Rising—is also planning acts of civil disobedience for Friday. I'm all for it. I'm all for gay men and lesbians obtaining marriage licenses to demonstrate the absurdity of bans on "gay marriage" and I've already called for acts of civil disobedience. It's time, people.
Though the government has refrained from arresting the principal leaders of the opposition, the category of people it has pursued has grown broader over time. While a number of well-known reformists were detained shortly after the contested presidential election in June, the ranks of those imprisoned now include artists, photographers, children’s rights advocates, women’s rights activists, students and scores of journalists. Iran now has more journalists in prison than any other country in the world, with at least 65 in custody, according to Reporters Without Borders.
Only two days until the anniversary of the Iranian Revolution...
...come on, give me water dessert!
Mashable has the story on Google's latest attempt to turn Gmail into a social networking hub: Google Buzz. It's kind of confusing:
So, apparently, it's like Twitter, Google Wave, and Facebook all at once in your e-mail, and you can connect to Twitter (but not Facebok) with it. It remains to be seen if yet another interface is what the internet needs, but Google at least has an enormous captive audience. You can try Google Buzz right now; it's live in your Gmail.
Meet Matthew Cooke, a Stranger reader who has vowed to do everything The Stranger suggests for the entire month of February. Look for his reports daily on Slog. —Eds.
Contemplating an event like last night’s film festival at Re-bar, I am reminded again of the incredible breadth of human endeavor. Our endless curiosity drives us into the deepest, darkest corners of the psyche, and before you know it, Herve Villechaize is dry-humping Danny Elfman’s sister-in-law while a man in his underwear floats above them holding lit candles between his toes.

You know you’re in for some wild shit when Kelly O recommends it, and I wish I’d had the energy to be there for the whole thing; no doubt, I missed some seriously bizarre cinema. But it was a Monday night and after working all day, not to mention a long week of Stranger-recommended events, I didn’t have much left.
Nevertheless, I soldiered on downtown, ordered a drink, and watched the crazy happen for an hour or so. As fate would have it, I got there right at the beginning of the Villechaize opus, “Forbidden Zone,” and while the parade of lunacy unfolded onscreen, I had a recurring sense of déjà vu. I couldn’t tell if it was the guy in the giant frog costume or the horny Grandpa wearing a propeller beanie, but something was undeniably familiar.
Then Danny Elfman showed up (as the Devil, natch), and it was all clear to me. I was once a pretty big Elfman fan you see, and was aware of this movie even though I didn’t recognize it from the title. Now that I have finally seen it, I am fulfilled. Praise the Lord!
So yes, I approve of last night’s recommendation, despite the Monday night aspect. What the hell else is there to do on a Monday? I suppose The Stranger could recommend sitting on your ass and recovering from the Super Bowl, but wouldn’t you rather watch a boy who thinks he’s a chicken be decapitated, only to have his still-living head grow wings and offer additional plot commentary?
Of course you would.