Religion Today in Mormon
posted by on November 11 at 14:00 PM
Pleasant Grove City*, in Utah, is going to court because a crazy-ass religion wants to put up a tribute to their religion in a P.G.City park. Could the crazy-ass religion be Mormonism? Why, no: it’s the Summum faith:
In 2003, the president of the Summum church wrote to the mayor here with a proposal: the church wanted to erect a monument inscribed with the Seven Aphorisms in the city park, “similar in size and nature” to the one devoted to the Ten Commandments.
Summums believe Moses delivered the Seven Aphorisms around the same time he came out with the Ten Commandments. Here are the Seven Aphorisms:
* The Principle of Psychokinesis: Summum is mind, thought; the universe is a mental creation. * The Principle of Correspondence: As above, so below; as below, so above. * The Principle of Vibration: Nothing rests; everything moves; everything vibrates. * The Principle of Opposition: Everything is dual; everything has an opposing point; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes bond; all truths are but partial truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled. * The Principle of Rhythm: Everything flows out and in; everything has its season; all things rise and fall; the pendulum swing expresses itself in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates. * The Principle of Cause and Effect: Every cause has its effect; every effect has its cause; everything happens according to Law; Chance is just a name for Law not recognized; there are many fields of causation, but nothing escapes the Law of Destiny. * The Principle of Gender: Everything has its masculine and feminine principles; Gender manifests on all levels
That’s crazy talk, of course. How do I know? God told me so, via inscriptions on some golden plates that only I can translate. The town is arguing against the monument to Summumism thusly:
A town accepting a Sept. 11 memorial would also have to display a donated tribute to Al Qaeda, the briefs said. “Accepting a Statue of Liberty,” the city’s brief said, should not “compel a government to accept a Statue of Tyranny.”
Classy to connect the weird vibrational religion to terrorism. Speaking of Mormon classiness: Mormons keep posthumously baptizing victims of the Holocaust, even though they were supposed to have stopped doing that shit 13 years ago.
* I know, technically it’s a town in Iowa and not the Mormon Church directly, but come on. We know the Mormons love to stick their nose in matters of state.
As long as they agree to erect a monument to the core principles of the Jedi Faith, I'm cool with it.
The posthumous baptizing of Holocaust victims really irritates me. It just feels like a willful distortion of history, declaring people who were killed for being Jewish Mormon in a database of record.
The only retaliation I can figure out is posthumously baptizing Mormons as adherents of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
I would object to publicly displaying any monument that abuses the semicolon that badly - do we want our children growing up thinking it's okay to just throw punctuation around at random?
@3 - I know! What if my kid sees two semicolons holding hands or kissing in the park. I'll have to explain *punctuation* to him!
I had to participate in 1 baptism for the dead when I was growing up. It was creepy and I hated it.
They baptize everyone, not just holocaust survivors. The people I was "baptizing" were from the 1700's i think. They were probably Catholic or something. Can you imagine if their actually *was* an afterlife, and some Catholic dude is chilling and then POOF the motherfucker gets sent to hell cause some 12 year old mormon "baptized" him. HAHAHA
Ok fuck, in that senario at least it's funny
A statue of Zeus would satisfy me.
I had to participate in 1 baptism for the dead when I was growing up. It was creepy and I hated it.
They baptize everyone, not just holocaust survivors. The people I was "baptizing" were from the 1700's i think. They were probably Catholic or something. Can you imagine if their actually *was* an afterlife, and some Catholic dude is chilling and then POOF the motherfucker gets sent to hell cause some 12 year old mormon "baptized" him. HAHAHA
Ok fuck, in that senario at least it's funny
I knew next to nothing about the Mormons until I recently watched that South Park episode about Mormonism. Holy smokes; that's one crazy religion. For reals.
But wait, so String Theory really is just another religion. Crap. Now I can't be an atheist?
Wait. A hot, sexy Zeus. Nude. Throwing a bolt of lightening. Sexy lightening. Hmmmm. I need to get laid.
@2 - The Mormons are also accused in the NYT article of baptizing deceased Catholics. Probably any other people whose names appear on some birth records somewhere are at some point vulnerable to this posthumous 'conversion' to the Mormon faith. Is this the underlying reason for the Mormons' obsession with preserving genealogical records?
hey, so we all are trying to run a campaign against mormons I hear. How bout jamming there "chat line"
I found on of all places Huffpost.com
http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/ask-a-question/chat-live
also, you can call them too.. oh fun!
1-888-537-6600
Those Summum aphorism sound pretty right on to me, except maybe the last one, depending how you interpret it.
I like the idea of posthumously baptizing Mormons as gay.