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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The Morning News

posted by on November 4 at 8:39 AM

Hell on wheels: Man in wheelchair sought in sexual assault in Seattle, another man in another wheelchair found sitting on a cache of guns in Boston.

Hell on wheels 2: Pennsylvania man arrested for DUI twice in six hours.

Hell on wheels 3: No one is buying cars.

Third probe’s a charm?: Second probe clears Sarah Palin of Troopergate wrongdoing.

Never again will you wonder where your bitches be at: Feminist-angering lingerie comes equipped with GPS.

This just doesn’t seem right: Study finds women much germier than men.

Why must everything I love be forbidden?: Ear experts discourage use of cotton swabs.

While the rest of the nation frets about the election: The Supreme Court will hear arguments about the dirty words you can’t say on television.

Speaking of the Supremes, here’s today’s dose of election-anxiety-mitigating musical uplift. (If you’re looking for Diana Ross, you will not find her, as by this point she’d fled the group for her ever-less-interesting solo career. Good riddance, I say—skinny bitch would’ve never climbed a ladder to a roof, unless Berry Gordy airlifted her in a mink helicopter. These Supremes are Jean Terrell, Mary Wilson, and Cindy Birdsong.)

Vote vote vote!

RSS icon Comments

1

"why must everything I love be forbidden" is why I love David Schmader.

Posted by smiller555 | November 4, 2008 8:45 AM
2

I'm not voting unless Obama wins.

Posted by Cookie W. Monster | November 4, 2008 8:45 AM
3

It's gonna be a looooong day.

Posted by CP | November 4, 2008 8:47 AM
4

It's "where your bitches at" not "bitches bitches be at." You know where they be at; the GPS tell you where they at. Word.

Posted by elenchos | November 4, 2008 8:50 AM
5

While I'll fully admit the greatness of The Supremes, this song deserves to be the official Slog Election Day theme song, IMHO. Please post it on Slog ASAP. C'mon, Schmader, I know you've got good taste!

Posted by Cookie W. Monster | November 4, 2008 8:51 AM
6

4: Don't tell me how to question the location of my bitches.

5: Oh I love that song (and have weird warm feelings for Dream of Life in general...)

Posted by David Schmader | November 4, 2008 8:56 AM
7

FYI. The germ story links to the wheelchair sexual assault story.

Posted by keshmeshi | November 4, 2008 9:02 AM
8

Your "Study finds women much germier than men" link doesn't look right ... maybe check what you meant to put, or try http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/11/03/hand.wash.women.ap/index.html?

Posted by EcoEclipse | November 4, 2008 9:02 AM
9

Germ link fixed, thanks.

Posted by David Schmader | November 4, 2008 9:06 AM
10

You guys should add that the Seattle Center tuba guy died from an assault. A very sad story.

Posted by Matthew | November 4, 2008 9:07 AM
11

I'm still laughing about the cotton-swabs-in-ears warning, and Dave's despair.

I know I'LL never stop--a friend once called the pleasure of a good Q-Tip ream job an "eargasm," and that's what they'll always be to me.

Posted by rob | November 4, 2008 9:09 AM
12

This will make seeing a lady going at a Purell dispenser like it's a gumball machine all the cuter from here on out.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | November 4, 2008 9:11 AM
13

"While the researchers stressed the importance of regular hand washing, they also noted that washing did not eliminate bacteria."

Posted by germy | November 4, 2008 9:12 AM
14

The tuba guy is dead?! How sad. I remember how bad the music was, but still...
Thanks for the info.

Posted by germy | November 4, 2008 9:16 AM
15

I'm very skeptical about the germ story. A diversity of bacteria is often a good thing. If you have a healthy supply of bacteria in your gut, it can protect you from bad bacteria and yeast problems. Why can't the same be true for bacteria on your skin? Until these scientists can prove that this poses some kind of health risk, I fail to see the study's relevance.

Posted by keshmeshi | November 4, 2008 11:02 AM
16

I haven't told you in the last couple of days that I adore you, Schmader!!

"Never again will you wonder where your bitches be at"

Posted by Non | November 4, 2008 12:09 PM
17

shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker and tits

RIP George Carlin

Posted by Mrs. Jarvie | November 4, 2008 2:16 PM

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