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Thursday, November 6, 2008

Savage Love Letter of the Day

posted by on November 6 at 16:03 PM

May I suggest that the gay community respond to Mormon church—which pushed through the anti-gay marriage amendment in California—by politely yet firmly sexually harassing Mormon missionaries whenever they come to the door? I plan to come out to every Mormon missionary I meet for the foreseeable future. If they’re hot, I’ll offer them a chance to make their case—but only after I blow them.

I want these people to absolutely wince with fear each time a guy opens the door. I want them to feel as violated as all gay Californians do.

Latter Day Sinner

P.S. Two years ago you helped my boyfriend and me through a rough patch. Thanks! We’re celebrating ten years next month (9.75 of which have been great), in part due to your help.

I was planning to blow up in the faces of the very next Mormon “elders” who dared to show up on my porch, LDS, but I like your plan better. But I’m going to offer to let ‘em make their case after they’ve finished blowing me.

RSS icon Comments


You can still blow on their faces, Dan. Oh, I mean UP ON their faces yah.

Posted by Non | November 6, 2008 4:12 PM

This is a perfect idea. The worst thing that can happen is a BJ.

Posted by Mr. Poe | November 6, 2008 4:14 PM

I still say not to punish all Mormons for a decision made by their church. Not all Mormons are anti-gay, even the missionaries. Sure you can bring it up, but not in a hateful way.

Posted by Jesse | November 6, 2008 4:21 PM

Wouldn't it be more effective to take the proactive step and bring the issue to them?

Why not just go to temple and make out in the back (or front).

If they have no qualms disrupting my life, I've got no qualms disrupting theirs.

Posted by Fawxer | November 6, 2008 4:23 PM

Jesse, sooner or later you're going to have to learn their tricks. Hate works wonders if work it right.

Posted by grow some balls | November 6, 2008 4:24 PM

Christ man, don't be such a pussy. If they really support equality then they'll say "Woah man back of I'm cool with gays." In that case then you get them to say it on camera and post it on YouTube. Win/win.

Posted by Dubcek | November 6, 2008 4:28 PM

Better yet, do your part to send the IRS after their bigoted asses:

Posted by Afreet | November 6, 2008 4:30 PM

Respond to the perfectly legal process of amending the California constitution by sexually harassing people associated with the side you don't like. Makes perfect sense.

Posted by w7ngman | November 6, 2008 4:34 PM

Um....Dan, you DO know that there have been young, nubile mormons hanging out on Red Square all summer and are still there right? I think it's time for you to take a field trip. Oh and don't worry about UW administration. Red Square is considered public property, which is the only reason the mormons are permitted there anyway.

Posted by zephsright | November 6, 2008 4:35 PM

The next Mormon that knocks on my door will be greeted by a shotgun and a demand to get the fuck of my doorstep.

Posted by Reverse Polarity | November 6, 2008 4:39 PM

I went off on a young mormon woman on the UW campus today. She might have been a nice person (the conversation was a bit one-directional--I wasn't trying to convince her of anything, just lower her morale a bit and let her know that people are very angry with the group she advocated).

She belongs to a not-nice organization. Whatever her personal feelings are on gay rights, she's promoting an evil organization. If there are non-bigoted mormons (as #3 suggests), they need to dissassociate themselves. It's no more okay to be a Mormon than a Klansman.

Posted by lusk | November 6, 2008 4:48 PM


Easy, Spock, don't go and try reasoning with the itchy-blowjob-fingered gays on the Slog. They're likely to turn their oral reprisals on you once you've outed yourself as a 'sympathizer of things that make sense.'

Posted by w7ngman fan | November 6, 2008 4:50 PM

The LGBT community does not understand how to communicate its issues to people in the center and people on the right. When you sit down and chat on a person-to-person level with most Christian (and Mormon) conservatives, and give them concrete examples of what things a gay couple can and cannot do because of their inability to get married, and how these things affect children (especially important for Mormons)--inheritance, SS benefits, hospital visitation rights, etc.--I have almost always found surprise and a receptive ear by the other person.

But somehow when the LGBT communicates as a "community," the tone gets shrill, which causes the other side to turn off their ears and hearts and just go with that they think they understand.

I understand the argument that whether sexual orientation is a choice or not should be irrelevant; however, in the minds of the people standing in the way of LGBT rights *everything* hinges on that--this is why people of other ethnic and racial minorities are not always natural allies when you would otherwise expect them to be.

The LGBT community has no organized public way of dealing with the issue of sexual orientation and choice; there is no coherent public discourse or conversation on this issue, yet this issue is the keystone holding up the other side's arguments. We have leaped to the marriage issue without laying the foundations for better understanding, and the California vote is the result. That's my take, anyway.

So, no, I don't think flirting with and coming on to (and onto) Mormon missionaries is really the way to keep the conversation going.

Posted by Simac | November 6, 2008 4:58 PM

You could just boycott their businesses.

Posted by Y.F. | November 6, 2008 5:26 PM

I still want to burn their churches

Posted by William | November 6, 2008 5:37 PM

I still want to burn their churches

Posted by William | November 6, 2008 5:38 PM

#10 -- and you sir will go to prison for life

Queers lost marriage in three states - what role did Mormons play in Florida?

America is not ripe on this issue, let's face it as horrible as that feels.

Time is on our side.

To me, the issue is how do we educate better, more widespread and more effectively ...

There are tons of gay Mormon guys, I have partnered with a couple. And tons of ex Mormons in any bar in the west.

We lost, we need better strategies and educational efforts and less stupid bravado ...and maybe some patience.

Posted by Art | November 6, 2008 5:41 PM

You'd think a super unpopular minority group would be a little weary of majority vote process that could take away their civil rights, rights that include being able to come to people's door and pester them about religion in the early hours of the morning. I bet the margin against them on that one would be a lot bigger than the one on gay marriage here.

Posted by Court | November 6, 2008 5:42 PM

I don't want their scripture-sprouting lips to touch me so blow jobs are out of the question, but I'd definitely rip a hole in their sacred underwear and fuck the jeebus out of them. Why are bigots so often cute?

Posted by Rubbermaid | November 6, 2008 5:55 PM

Well said #13.

Still, it gets harder to tolerate ignorance every day... and I'm not even gay. I'm just a socially liberal guy living in Texas... 0.0

Posted by Bright Lies | November 6, 2008 6:17 PM

#13: (gay = choice or not is important, even if it shouldn't be)
The solution to this one is easy: we don't discriminate based on choices people make, like....
political views
veteran status
marital status
and of course,

So discrimination is wrong whether sexual orientation is a choice or not. Doesn't matter. Don't waste time arguing over it, IMHO. And more importantly, I do not believe people when they say, well if it's proven not to be a choice, then I won't discriminate. They're gonna keep fucking us over until they're replaced by the next generation or the one after that.

Posted by tjc | November 6, 2008 7:07 PM

I've been doing this ever since I saw Latter Days.

Posted by mchk | November 6, 2008 7:54 PM

Personally if I owned a home where missionaries might frequent, I'd invite them in, telling them that they get to talk to me and then I get to have a talk with them and tell them how I feel, then send them on their way. Hearing what they believe doesn't offend me so much as their forcing the issue on everyone else.

Posted by Arsenic7 | November 6, 2008 9:11 PM

Art @17 -

** We lost, we need better strategies and educational efforts and less stupid bravado ...and maybe some patience. **

I suspect you're right - but I'm in too much pain to be sensible right now.

However, since we have no other choices...

Posted by Ayden/VA | November 6, 2008 9:24 PM

I think this would be much more effective. What Latter Day Sinner offers might make us feel better for a little while, but it's not going to accomplish anything.

Posted by Benvy | November 6, 2008 9:30 PM

Sounds like too much work. I'm just gonna spray them in the face with mace. Treat them like the disgusting insects that the are.

Posted by Jersey | November 6, 2008 9:41 PM

i dunno... the mormon church seems only to flourish under violent opposition - the blowjob thing might just work, if only because it isn't aggressive. but stripping the tax-exempt status could take the wind out of their sails. or the gold out of their lobbying coffers, more to the point.

Posted by happyhedonist | November 6, 2008 11:05 PM

@13: Mormons are so extreme in their hate-mongering that they aren't a viable target for convincing. Our tactic must be to attack their ability to wrongly influence those who *can* be convinced.

@27: The Mormon church has more money than it knows how to spend. Per a 1996 Time Magazine estimate, the church's net assets were conservatively assessed at $30 billion. And that was twelve years ago. The tax-exemption thing is a nice touch, but unlikely to influence their ability to spend, and runs the risk of feeding their persecution complex, which makes them even crazier.

Posted by Andrew Pendleton | November 6, 2008 11:25 PM

Wait, so you're saying I could potentially go from door to door getting blowjobs just by pretending to be Mormon? Are girls in on this too?

Posted by zachd | November 7, 2008 2:05 AM

HERE IS THE PLAN. Although I have liked the suggestions to start Gay Days SLC and sexually harassing Mormon missionaries, I have come up with a foolproof plan to get Mormons to start THROWING money into pro-gay legislation, and here it is:
Declare that polygamous marriages are GAY MARRIAGES.
After all, if one man is marrying two ladies, aren't those ladies also marrying EACH OTHER? That's gay marriage, Mormons!

Posted by movedawayfromCA | November 7, 2008 5:18 AM

@7 just to reiterate: everyone do your part to revoke the tax exempt status of the LDS, which is a political organization:

Posted by stew | November 7, 2008 8:50 AM

Actually, I don't think he'd be breaking any laws if it's done on his property and no one invited the Mormon.

Posted by Anna | November 7, 2008 8:51 AM

I wouldn't waste my time on any of these. Your rights shouldn't be decided by a popularity contest. It's not about what other people want, it's about what you have a right to.

Gay people are human beings, and are legally and CONSTITUTIONALLY entitled to the same human rights as all other human beings. Fuck voting, take it to court. That is how it was done here when the Ontario Court of Appeal in Halpern v. Canada upheld a lower court ruling which declared that defining marriage in heterosexual-only terms violated the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Now I know you don't have a Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, I've just given myself a really brief crash course in the American Constitution, and it would seem that either the 9th or 14th Amendment applies here.

Enough voting. Stupid popularity contests got you George W. Bush. Letting the uneducated, and easily manipulated masses decide your rights is foolishness. Fight for them in the courts.

Posted by Charm | November 7, 2008 9:07 AM

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