Yes. Only because I don't want those retards eating my dog, Checkers.

Well, first off, dwarves aren't *technically* retards. Though the jury's still out on Dopey.

Who cares about retarded people living next door? This question might have been more interesting if it was a halfway house for ex-cons, or a public housing site or something.

they say seven of them but what sort of retards are we talking about? are they all DS? cerebral palsy? how retarded are they?

Haha. The '80s were such a strange time.

Remember homeowners?

@ 4: for argument's sake, let's say they are REALLY fucking retarded. Like Sarah Palin level retarded.

And my answer is: I would not oppose such a neighbor. I love retards!

I don't understand how this game worked at all.

no! more scruples!! this is my favorite slog feature.

HAHAHA! Last night my friend told me about the retarded guy next door at her mother's house and how he just stares at them through the window all the time. He took his shade down and cut down the shrubs and he sits there in his bathrobe in the dark and stares at them. So the other day, my friends father put a window frame up on their fence in front of the neighbor's window, mounted a window shade, waved at the guy and pulled the shade down. Are the 7 Scruples retarded people also pervy? Because that makes a big difference.

Okay, here's a thought. Would 7 retarded people living next door bring your property value down? I mean, a halfway house probably would. But, a retard house? I don't see why that would.

I would think having 7 retarded neighbors would be lots of fun. Think of the hijinx! I suppose if they got out of line a pellet gun would keep the peace.

God, there was a time when American politics revolved around dog controversy.

@ 6: Really retarded as in too retarded to do yard work for a quarter or beanie baby?

Funny how retards always come in sevens. Are they dwarfs? If it's seven retarded dwarfs, then definitely, I'm all over that. Especially if you can see the seven dwarfs from my yard, toddling about in that droll way they do.

I will totally do your yard work for a Beanie Baby.

Best comments ever? I say yes. And, Julie in Chicago is a great addition to Slog. Someone get her, a, um, whatever is you get for slogging.

Love Scrupples!

I would only sign the petition if all of them were also homosexual school teachers.

As long as they weren't allowed to own large yappy dogs, or park their cars on the lawn, sure. I already have retarded neighbors who leave their dogs outside to yap all day. I can tell they're retarded because they owe more on their homes now than they did when they initially bought into the area.

Been there.

As long as no one would get upset when I dress the 'tards up in funny costumes and stage pageants in my backyard, I would not sign the petition.

Yeah, that is all I need is a house load of republican living next to me. By the way, how many of them where Sarah Palin's kids again?

The author of this question obviously saw The Boys Next Door, and it freaked them the fuck out.

I'm with @11. Sounds lively and exciting! There was a retarded kid living at the end of my cousin's cul-de-sac, and once he ran down the street naked. It was awesome.

His shenanigans were later upstaged by Maury, the brain damaged hang glider dude at the other end of the street. He built a giant cage for Bigfoot, hung a slab of meat in it, and put in the woods. Again: awesome!

I love Scruples! Please keep posting them!

...How *did* one win this game? I like to think of these as questions with correct, "most-scrupulous" answers, and answering correctly gives you points, and the person with the Most Scruples (no retards! no black son-in-law! no homosexual teachers!) wins.

As to the question: For the size of houses in my neighborhood, a seventard (!) house would be really awfully crowded, so from a quality-of-life perspective, no.

I like the idea that this situation would add primarily hi-jinx to the neighborhood, along with healthy doses each of shinanigans and wacky fun.

@ 13: OK, not that retarded. We gotta be reasonable here.

Also, @ 14: if the retards are dwarfs, this ins't even a question. The only question is how much time to spend watching them waddle around.

Also, also, @ !8: and black!

Finally, @ 16: I second that. I hearby nominate Julie in Chicago for the next Freaky Friday. (that's what you get for prolific commenting on the Slog)

Yes. Seven is the luckiest number of retards. Which reminds me. One is the loneliest number of retards.

I wouldn't sign but if it were proposed in practically any middle-class neighborhood in Seattle the NIMBY's would block it anyway.

Could I just mention to you, in a moment of seriousness, that I spent five-and-a-half years in a prison cell. I didn't have a lawn. I didn't have a door. And I spent those five-and-a-half years because I love this country, not because I was looking for a house full of retards when I got out.

OK, I'll bite. Yes, I would sign the petition.

Once upon a time, I lived in Los Angeles directly next door to a residence for profoundly retarded adults. Daily and nightly -- and i mean daily and nightly -- there was some kind of significant disruption of the peace: screaming; smashing of dishes; endlessly repeating guttural bellowings like a cow with the aftosa and more...it drove all of us in the complex insane (including, god love him, John Henson, then the host of Talk Soup).

Knowing that, and knowing the toll it took on our quality of life as neighbors of that facility, I would calmly sign the petition, with the hope that the home for the retarded could be located in an environment where the impact on residents would be largely reduced.

That's my answer. And no, I have no scruples...

I say yes not because I have anything against retards but parking could become a hassle what with their having their 'special needs' van coming by every day to pick them up.

I am near tears with laughter at @24 and 27. Actually, scratch that, now there are actual tears as I am thinking about singing "One is the Loneliest Number (of Retards)".

We are seriously all bad people for mocking the retarded, but I'll be damned if this isn't the funniest comment thread in awhile. There should be some sort of penance you can do to atone for this (is there a patron saint of retards to pray to?).

@30 You have the scruples to be honest.

No way.

Six, I could tolerate, but seven? That's just crazy.

....

I remember that there also used to be a Scruples for kids, which my brother and I were given by some judgmental aunt. Most of the questions were about stealing candy and cheating on homework and tattling.

@27
5 star lols, would lol again

Also, I would totally not sign a petition opposing the retard house. I don't like petitions.

seven? why seven? and would they have a caretaker or would this be some sort of twisted sociological experiment, like the real world, but with retards.

and i agree with julie in chicago, we are all bad people. i'm shocked we haven't been scolded by now for the use of the term retard, and i think the patron saint of retards is named corky or something.

I have enjoyed the comments from outsider Julie.

Julie makes this blog work better.

It depends, which of my current next door neighbors will the retarded people be replacing? If it's the ones to the right, sign me up for the welcoming committee.