Isn't this what kissing and holding hands are for?

Dan, he got past the hangup of not wanting to be a pig. He decided to be a pig go for it -- but he couldn't! Why? He's a coward!

That's the problem he wrote you to fix, not his old problem of, uh, deciding that he wasn't going to even try.

So. How does one make a man?

@1: ??

I hope the guy I hooked up with on Monday night reads this. Wait, maybe this IS the guy I hooked up with on Monday night... GET OVER YOURSELF. Be aggressive. You want it? Get it. Be decisive. There is nothing hotter than being wanted (if you reciprocate, naturally). If a woman is giving you signals, verbal or otherwise, that she is receptive, get in there and make a move.

@4 but she was ASKING for it, the way she was dancing.

This guy needs to get his ass kicked.

actually, I rescind snarky comment after reading your blog post on it. what a lame dickwad.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with everyone here; if he so much looks at a woman he is raping them. mentally. with his gazes.

i believe mr. poe would tell you to throw it in her butt.

And Jesus Christ, whatever you do, don't ever, ever, EVER, tell your first lover that you are a virgin if you are a man over 18. Lie if you have to. Lie, lie, lie. I sure wish I did. If you do tell her the truth, it will destroy everything, and even if you do get laid, the relationship will quickly turn ugly.

This may sound nasty, and it's extremely politically inncorrect, but in my experience most women have total contempt for sexually inexperienced men -it's a self-esteem thing, they feel like they are getting stuck with something nobody else wanted.

I don't know. Maybe this guy is a hideously ugly douchebag, and women everywhere should count our lucky stars that he's so inhibited. Perhaps we should be encouraging him to continue his solitary, onanistic lifestyle. He certainly sounds vaguely douchey. And without a photo, I have to assume he's hideous. Dan, I'm afraid you may be doing the single gals of the world a disservice.

Ugh. I'm guessing that this guy is from Seattle. Poor bastard. (If not, the guy who was with Suze definitely was from Seattle, and the described behavior is typical for the beast.)

I've never lived anywhere with a bigger concentration of either a) angry, hostile, self-absorbed women, or b) the passive, wimpy men who (ever-so-secretly) love them. It's probably worth pondering why there are so many of 'em here, but Seattle is definitely the world capital for wussy male behavior.

If INTC does happen to live here, he needs to move away as soon as humanly possible. If he can get somewhere with decent weather, where men and women both actually like to flirt, date and fuck (without the need for "sex-positive" movements, classes, or special hardware), and the whole "acting like a man" thing will almost automatically follow....

from the standpoint of a stepfather of a 20 year old, i have some sympathy for the kid. my daughter describes every guy who expresses interest in her or any of her friends as a "stalker".

Bullshit on lying about virginity if you're over 18. Speaking from experience (as a female who slept with a male virgin in his mid-twenties - and then proceeded to have a great long-term relationship with him): if she point-blank asks and you lie, she'll know you're lying and _then_ of course your chances won't be so great. Nobody wants to date a liar. Be disarmingly charming (and truthful!) instead, and you'll be handsomely rewarded.

Oh dear, a nice guy. Not to be confused with the prototypical Nice Guy (well, probably not), but just someone who drank the Kool-Aid that expressing any interest whatsoever in a woman automatically relegated him to the creepy player/The Secret asshole category. Five'll get you ten this guy probably has a decent sized circle of platonic girl friends to boot and that they all complain about those guys in the bar who come up and ogle their tits and ask for phone numbers.

That's where I spent a lot of time in those formative social years, assuming (incorrectly) that expressing interest was a Bad Thing and that it was much smarter to do nothing and hope for the best. Big mistake and it's taken me a lot of time to get over that.

However! I learned something absolutely fascinating after a while. There's a world of difference between expressing your interest, in saying you like her, and being that drunk, mouth-breathing asshole. If you screw up your confidence, if you can ask questions or make statements without hemming and hawing and dancing around the goddamned topic ("I was wondering if maybe perhaps that is to say that I was curious because...") you'd be amazed at what you get.

At the right time, in the right place, saying "I'd really like to kiss you" is a more potent attractor than anything else.

The dude sounds shy the way I was shy back like 10 years ago. He's got to say what he wants, ask for little at first (i.e. I want to kiss you) and LISTEN, on the off chance that "she" wants the same thing. He must of course be ready to accept "no" at any time, but seriously a guy who communicates what he wants is far hotter than someone passive agressively lurking, waiting for some hard to decipher response from the woman he is near. If he keeps getting the same negative response he should run it past other people. I found my lesbian friends had the best advice.

@10--I don't think it's politically incorrect at all, it's actually mostly true. (outside of maybe very religious women, and maybe desperate/depressed women who already know/think there is something wrong with themselves).

I once went on a date with a 25 year old guy (I was 18) who told me it was the first date he ever had. :I Punching me in the tits would have done less to ruin the mood.

INTC, you ARE a pig (to some extent). so is every other dude. and women expect a certain amount of piggishness. so you need to own it, just don't turn into a total asshole. also, listen to 14 and not 10.

Argh! This type of guy bothers me so much!

Has he ever considered how even more disrespectful it is for a man to "protect" a woman by not showing any sexual desire? Women have sexual desires of their own, and we don't need your misguided chivalry.

You get branded "stalker" by 13-25 y/o females if you are someone who expresses interest in her/her friends multiple times when she isn't interested in you.

For most females, it can be really hard to tell a guy who likes you to his face that you hate his guts. Most females try to show common courtesy while kind of making excuses, and a lot of guys mistake that for interest/friendliness so they will repeatedly approach a female and that's where a lot of the unfair "stalker" rumors get started.

Whatever the hell happened to women showing a little agression? I mean, yeah, the guy should get in touch with his inner pig, but it bugs me that no one ever suggests that if women were doing more pursuing (and I don't mean 'signals', which men pretty much always read wrong), this sort of thing would be less of a problem.

I don't get the whole thing where women find a man who doesn't make a move unnatractive. Why not make the move yourself and save the time?

Newsflash. Women are also pigs. That's why they call the act of physical love 'Making Bacon'.

I'll add that even if she doesn't like him, I don't think she'll think he's a pig. Here's where pig comes in: you make a move, she says no, and you don't take no for an answer. That's where pig comes in. All else is welcome, or at least "flattering".

Most people are pigs.

Most people are also idiots.

Coincidence? I think not.

at 17, this would be cute. at 28, it's just pathetic. grow a pair already, dude.

Whatever ... women are brutal. For starters, ANY advance that is unwelcome can turn into fucking drama. ESPECIALLY if the guy isn't exactly sure of what he is doing. Oh god it took me years, to gain any confidence whatsoever ...

Honestly women, 95% of the time it's on your terms anyways, regardless of the guys confidence level. To be successful, it's almost like we have to appear interested, but your opinion of us doesn't really matter. What the hell does that mean? It's almost like you fought for respect so much, that most guys are put of by the work in getting to know you. Chivalry is nearly dead.

And now it's ridiculous because the stakes seem to be even higher. It's almost to the point of ... you ask a girl out you are expected to be wanting to go steady with them. How the fuck are women so sure of themselve? How the fuck am I so sure I want to be steady with you? It's taken all the fun and mystery out of dating as every god damn relationship we have has to be a "serious relationship" or we risk social ostrisation.

So I don't know ... I do have two issues. One, it seems that all unwelcome advances are met with hostility. and Two, all welcome advances come with the expectation of a serious relationship (or at least serious on your terms.) Or maybe I haven't lived in the east coast in a while ...

I have no desire to go back to the days of "stand by your man". And yes, I am man enough to want to be held accountable when i genuinely fuck up, and learn how to treat a woman with respect.

I don't know.

#26, you are dead on.

I live in a very conservative area. The last time I tried to date, it was with a young lady that I got along with very well...because in all of brief conversations, she had just assumed that I was divorced like her (the topic of past marriges just never came up -honestly, we mostly talked movies right up until "Hey, want to go out to dinner?"). Right before our big date, she found out that I had GASP!)Never. Been. Married. Not. Even. Once.

This caused her to freak the fuck out. She automatically assumed I was a virgin (not true, but not far from the truth either), which was honestly hurtfull and just plain weird -really, that's the first thing she assumes when a guy doesn't have a ring? I had no idea any woman without a bonnet on thought that way anymore. She instantly got really cold and distant. It was an extremely awkward and brief meal.

It seems like the lower I aim, the angrier and more insulting the rejections get. After awhile the wall of hostility gets so acidic that I don't even want to risk touching it again.

tear that pussy up, pussy.

@27: Holy shit, dude. Move. Before your dick freezes off.

Yours truly,
An Honest-to-God Woman

God that's terrible (and brings back memories). The culture that made this boy that way is sick.

Get yourself a hooker and pay for a good hand job. Act like a pig just once. Let a woman act like a pig, just once. Get over it and move on. Sometimes people obsess about things and don't know how to stop. This should stop it.

hey dan give him my email- closetr4clothes@yahoo.com... im a chick and i really dig virgins... he sounds like a fun challage.. ill bring the pig out in him in no time.. ;)

One more thing ...

At the end of the day being OVERLY respectful of women. In the long run doesn't help you respect women.

Dude needs to stop being so afraid of rejection, say what he wants, and not waste his time and attention on ladies who aren't into him enough to give him more than 'signals.' In other words, he needs to act like a man who wants to date.

And finally, I AM a sex-crazed maniac and I'm damn proud of it.

Was he raised by rad-feminists? I have a straight friend who was raised by a lesbian couple who really did not like mixing with men. Relating to women sexually is fraugt with anxiety for him. He is always self-checking for latent sexism. He is perpetually being dumped for women who end up going for the bad-boy type.

If the only reason you're trying to date women is to get laid then that does make you a pig. And at this point you're so self conscious of your virginity its making you think and act like a pig, because you've gotta get over your shyness and pursue women so that you can finally lose it. I find it weird that you're 28 and haven't had a relationship. If you'd had a real relationship, you would have had sex in it.

But really, there's tons of women out there who would love to devirginize you. Its fun to be that special first, so I think you should just get the word that you're a virgin out there and be a pig and lose it to someone who's only interested in that aspect of you, have it be a casual encounter. Then maybe you can start talking to women you like and pursue an actual relationship.

This what happens when you treat your little kid that all men are scum.

And also why sports, ie NONemotional bonding isn't such a bad thing.

This what happens when you teach your little kid that all men are scum.

And also why sports, ie NONemotional bonding isn't such a bad thing.

Ignore the haters. Plenty of women are willing to "stoop" to sleeping with a virgin.

Start being a pig now, before you get involved in a lengthy relationship, else your fear of being a pig will carry over into the relationship - which will lead to frustrations all around.

What would help in being a pig is if you start looking forward to getting laid, instead of fearing it.

I was you two years ago. Embrace your inner pig and don't become me two years from now.