Slog - Comments on Savage Love Letter of the Day

Comment by Fnarf

Fnarf — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:12:33 -0800

I don't even know what it is. Rectal pain? Suggesting that someone has been penetrated there, voluntarily or otherwise? It sounds like something that should be offlimits just on stupidity grounds, not necessarily homophobic ones.

Comment by Mikki

Mikki — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:15:13 -0800

People use it all the time. I'm with Fnarf, it is stupid.

Comment by KK

KK — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:18:35 -0800

Dan I saw you on tv for the other night. My husband pointed out that it was you. I was in shock. You are a fucking hottie. We both agree. I hope I see you on tv more often.

Comment by Dean P

Dean P — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:19:09 -0800

I have never heard the phrase butthurt, and I like to think I'm pretty gay (in the literal sense) and also have a fair amount of big boy sex (i.e. teh buttseks). I'm with Fnarf too.

Comment by Soupytwist

Soupytwist — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:21:59 -0800

Sounds like someone needs a stool softener!

Comment by --MC

--MC — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:22:02 -0800

Huh. Go figure. I've been reading it for years online, and this is the first time I've ever read anybody linking it to anything gay. I thought it was a more general term than that, like somebody being cranky like they had a rectal itch or 'rhoids.

Comment by w7ngman

w7ngman — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:23:37 -0800

Please use in a sentence.

Comment by L

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:25:19 -0800

"Butthurt" poses no problems for me... unless I'm the one butthurt. ^_~

But I do have a gay language question for you, Mr. Savage that I hope isn't too off topic:
The internet language phenomenon I wonder about is using "fag" as a suffix. I've seen it used in clearly derogatory manners (i.e. "Stupid Christfags.") but also used in an almost affectionate manner (i.e. "CAfags/Britfags/VAfags/etc, report in!" as a call to other members of a geographical region.)
What's your take on that Dan, Sloggers?

Comment by scott

scott — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:30:16 -0800

"butthurt" has no gay connotations, or, for that matter, associations with anal sex as far as I am aware. None of the seven definitions on urbandictionary.com mention anything queer. The last one claims that the term is meant to evoke the feelings of a puppy that is being shooed out the door by being hit in the butt.

Comment by Bellevue Ave

Bellevue Ave — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:32:30 -0800

Dear Reader,

Did it ever occur to you that in the 9 to 10 years you've been reading my column, you had become to dependent on my advice? I find it hard to believe you couldn't have figured this out on your own, being an adult, and apparently having the ability to read. Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

Why are you an idiot in spite of reading my column? I'm not "Dan Savage; Linguistic Lawyer for the Politically Correct." I am not "Dan Savage; Final Arbiter of Anti-Gay Slurs." How do your friends even handle being around you? Do you ask them, "Is Swisher Sweet an pro gay cigar?" or perhaps "Do Toms of Finland paintings make gays seem like totalitarian fascists?"

The answer to both these questions and subsequent ones you might have are "WHO THE FUCK CARES!"

Humbly Yours,

Dan Savage

Comment by K

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:32:44 -0800

I thought butthurt referred to what happens when you fall, as they say, "flat on your ass".

Takes a real sexual dev... uh, pervert to jump a conclusion of gay sex innuendo.

Or maybe it's the other way around.

Comment by stainer

stainer — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:34:38 -0800

i say butthurt all the time, to let someone know they hurt my feelings.

for example: "i was a little butthurt that you didn't invite me to your bubi's syna-go-go jewish dance party"

no idea where i picked it up from though.

Comment by douglas

douglas — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:36:49 -0800

sheesh bellevue ave, loosen your tie or something.

Comment by johan

johan — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:37:33 -0800

I always read "butthurt" as "got something up in your ass about", as in: "I made an offhand comment about X to Bob, and now he's all butthurt about it. WTF?"

Nothing gay about it. It's equivalent to "what got up YOUR ass about [subject x]?"

Everyone gets something up their ass sooner or later. No big whoop. Wanna fight about it?

Comment by johan

johan — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:39:10 -0800

And in answer to @8 about "britfags, christfags, etc", [x]fag is used to indicate that someone is being totally gay about their chosen subject. Not homosexual gay, just pussy gay.

Comment by Bellevue Ave

Bellevue Ave — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:39:56 -0800

@13 I'm tired and fussy

Comment by Dean P

Dean P — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:39:58 -0800

Still, douglas, doesn't the reader know how to go on the Google?

Comment by Aislinn

Aislinn — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:41:34 -0800

@7: "Matt's all butthurt because I keep laughing at his beard." Provided by Dana.

I say "butthurt" aloud, not just online, and have for years. I'm also a 14-year-old boy trapped in a 24-year-old woman's body.

Comment by monkey

monkey — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:43:51 -0800

I'm going to start saying "butthurt" from now on.

And I'm real gay.

Comment by Gitai

Gitai — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:44:08 -0800

Wow. I haven't heard that term used since high school. We always used it to mean when someone had a legitimate grievance, and were milking it a bit more than was appropriate, to the point that it was irritating to the rest of us, but not so much that you wanted them to shut the fuck up about it, like when you do something dumb to your bf/gf and they act all hurt until you do some token thing like bring them a favorite dessert or rub their feet.

Comment by E

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:47:47 -0800

Prior to Aislinn's provided usage example, my first impression was "butthurt" = "pain in the ass"... Is this expression the new "sweeeeeeeeeeeet"?

Comment by Cow

Cow — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:48:55 -0800

Sounds like some of the other moderators are butthurt.

Comment by try again

try again — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:49:26 -0800

#18-24 year old woman's body.....or 14 year old girl's body?

Comment by dkl

dkl — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:51:53 -0800

In a celebrity roast of Bob Saget, Gilbert Godfrey did a joke using "asshurts" and the Olsen twins.....enjoy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8wOTcv5E38

Comment by try again

try again — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:55:14 -0800

#23, 24 year old woman's body.

Comment by try again

try again — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:00:23 -0800

@25: I don't know...are you in close proximity to a mirror?

Comment by StC

StC — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:00:31 -0800

afaik, butthurt isn't gay, it's rape.

Comment by Jeremy from Seattle

Jeremy from Seattle — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:03:57 -0800

I only got a problem with it when it does.

Comment by Greg

Greg — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:06:13 -0800

@26: ??!

. ? ? . ?! . !

Comment by Smokes

Smokes — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:07:06 -0800

Butthurt isn't gay... it's bi-curious.

(ME TOO!!!)

Comment by w7ngman

w7ngman — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:08:25 -0800

#26, whoever you are, I think you are confused.

Comment by Julie in Chicago

Julie in Chicago — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:09:03 -0800

The only problem I have with "butthurt" is that it is making me feel old, since I have never heard of it before.

Kids these days and their "internet slang".

Comment by Aislinn

Aislinn — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:13:31 -0800

@23, 25, 26: What? No, I meant 24-year-old woman. I look my age, but I like teenage boy things like comic books and dick jokes and belching.

Comment by yucca flower

yucca flower — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:35:12 -0800

I think its like a hemorrhoid of righteous indignation...or similar.

Comment by Original Monique

Original Monique — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:39:33 -0800

I use butthurt all the time. It's hilarious and demeaning. Much like "don't get your panties in a bunch". Which I am sure some people find sexist for some reason. Maybe because the word panty is in it, and not undergarment?

Comment by jrrrl

jrrrl — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:39:36 -0800

omgrofl@shrivs

myspace!

Comment by TVDinner

TVDinner — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:18:59 -0800

Can we talk about MY favorite word now?

Asshat. This butthurt of which you speak is so pass�.

Comment by Gay blade!

Gay blade! — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:21:12 -0800

Au tres gay!

Comment by Rachel

Rachel — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:22:25 -0800

Ugh, I've hated 'asshat' since I first saw it in a 'which circle of hell are you in' meme like four years ago.

Comment by RainMan

RainMan — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:41:41 -0800

Greg @29: Watch your language. I know what that means in Morse code...

Comment by jnonymous

jnonymous — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:59:38 -0800

OMG what I wouldn't do to 14 year old boy in a 24 year old woman's body. I think I just found my type.

Comment by Deric in LA

Deric in LA — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 20:03:35 -0800

I'm butthurt that i never heard of butthurt before.

Comment by KevinE

KevinE — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 20:55:03 -0800

Although a tad sophomoric, it is a useful neologism to refer to excessive sensitivity or irritability due to overly minor provocation. And as noted by johan, there is nothing particularly anti-gay about it--especially if you buy his account of it as equivalent to saying someone has something up their ass about something. (Which I wouldn't buy that as being anti-gay either).

Comment by MissyMiss

MissyMiss — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 00:07:57 -0800

#15 - what does "not homosexual gay but pussy gay" mean?

Comment by ian

ian — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 01:42:57 -0800

Dudes, butt pain is butt pain. Like what if one of your parents/uncles calls you a "pain in the ass"? Or what if your sister/best friend/cousin just "beat your ass" at Monopoly? Then there's "what's up his/her ass?" Which I feel is more closely related to being "butthurt" than either of the former. But "what's up his/her ass" is most likely implying a boot, stick, or some sort of unpleasant foreign object, not a dong.

Comment by Greg

Greg — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 07:37:03 -0800

@40: It's semaphore, dummy.

Comment by Johan

Johan — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 08:21:13 -0800

@44, it's standard teenage distinction.

Calling someone "gay" in a lot of cases doesn't refer to a perceived homosexuality at all, but a tendency towards being "soft" or "wimpy".

You know, "pussy" gay. As in "don't be a pussy". Sophomoric, but widespread.

Comment by ellarosa

ellarosa — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 08:31:47 -0800

couldn't a "vagfag" be a gay guy who hangs out with faghags?

Comment by Charm

Charm — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 10:30:03 -0800

Okay as long as we're getting into offensive terms, is it okay for a faghag to refer to herself as a faghag?

Comment by inkweary

inkweary — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 11:59:51 -0800

Some of the defintions in Urban Dictionary on pages 2 and 3 use terms such as faggot and reference anal sex so it would seem that there is a negative homosexual component to this phrase.

Comment by mynamehere

mynamehere — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:28:36 -0800

http://wiki.fandomwank.com/index.php/Butthurt

Basically, butthurt is getting offended/upset/snotty because you're taking it all a little bit too seriously. In fandom, anyway.

Comment by Alex

Alex — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 11:34:22 -0800

"Butthurt" definitely has anti-gay connotations. Almost anyone I've ever heard use it also uses "that's gay" to mean "that's no good." It's anti-gay by association, perhaps...

The only time straight dudes will mention male butts and NOT have it be anti-gay: when it's about farting. Lighting farts, "oh I just did a sweet one," etc... Which, in its own way, is pretty gay: "let's talk about my butt now. I want to draw attention to my butt."

Um yeah: I think "butthurt" has enough inherent anti-gay sentiment for me to avoid it (that is, phonetic aesthetics aside--it just sounds hiskoolerey to me, and I'm hella older than that bro).

Great post.