Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day
posted by October 13 at 16:04 PM
onDoes the term “butthurt” have an antigay connotation regardless of context? Does anyone even use this off the internet anymore? I moderate a frequently read website and there’s currently a debate as to whether the term—used in a critical but not quite inflammatory context—should be allowed.I’ve been reading your column since eighth grade. I’m 22 now.
T.
I don’t have a problem with “butthurt,” T. But I don’t have a problem with “that’s so gay” either, so maybe I’m not the best person to ask.
Any Sloggers got a problem with “butthurt”?
Comments
I don't even know what it is. Rectal pain? Suggesting that someone has been penetrated there, voluntarily or otherwise? It sounds like something that should be offlimits just on stupidity grounds, not necessarily homophobic ones.
People use it all the time. I'm with Fnarf, it is stupid.
Dan I saw you on tv for the other night. My husband pointed out that it was you. I was in shock. You are a fucking hottie. We both agree. I hope I see you on tv more often.
I have never heard the phrase butthurt, and I like to think I'm pretty gay (in the literal sense) and also have a fair amount of big boy sex (i.e. teh buttseks). I'm with Fnarf too.
Sounds like someone needs a stool softener!
Huh. Go figure. I've been reading it for years online, and this is the first time I've ever read anybody linking it to anything gay. I thought it was a more general term than that, like somebody being cranky like they had a rectal itch or 'rhoids.
Please use in a sentence.
"Butthurt" poses no problems for me... unless I'm the one butthurt. ^_~
But I do have a gay language question for you, Mr. Savage that I hope isn't too off topic:
The internet language phenomenon I wonder about is using "fag" as a suffix. I've seen it used in clearly derogatory manners (i.e. "Stupid Christfags.") but also used in an almost affectionate manner (i.e. "CAfags/Britfags/VAfags/etc, report in!" as a call to other members of a geographical region.)
What's your take on that Dan, Sloggers?
"butthurt" has no gay connotations, or, for that matter, associations with anal sex as far as I am aware. None of the seven definitions on urbandictionary.com mention anything queer. The last one claims that the term is meant to evoke the feelings of a puppy that is being shooed out the door by being hit in the butt.
Dear Reader,
Did it ever occur to you that in the 9 to 10 years you've been reading my column, you had become to dependent on my advice? I find it hard to believe you couldn't have figured this out on your own, being an adult, and apparently having the ability to read. Let's cut to the chase, shall we?
Why are you an idiot in spite of reading my column? I'm not "Dan Savage; Linguistic Lawyer for the Politically Correct." I am not "Dan Savage; Final Arbiter of Anti-Gay Slurs." How do your friends even handle being around you? Do you ask them, "Is Swisher Sweet an pro gay cigar?" or perhaps "Do Toms of Finland paintings make gays seem like totalitarian fascists?"
The answer to both these questions and subsequent ones you might have are "WHO THE FUCK CARES!"
Humbly Yours,
Dan Savage
I thought butthurt referred to what happens when you fall, as they say, "flat on your ass".
Takes a real sexual dev... uh, pervert to jump a conclusion of gay sex innuendo.
Or maybe it's the other way around.
i say butthurt all the time, to let someone know they hurt my feelings.
for example: "i was a little butthurt that you didn't invite me to your bubi's syna-go-go jewish dance party"
no idea where i picked it up from though.
sheesh bellevue ave, loosen your tie or something.
I always read "butthurt" as "got something up in your ass about", as in: "I made an offhand comment about X to Bob, and now he's all butthurt about it. WTF?"
Nothing gay about it. It's equivalent to "what got up YOUR ass about [subject x]?"
Everyone gets something up their ass sooner or later. No big whoop. Wanna fight about it?
And in answer to @8 about "britfags, christfags, etc", [x]fag is used to indicate that someone is being totally gay about their chosen subject. Not homosexual gay, just pussy gay.
@13 I'm tired and fussy
Still, douglas, doesn't the reader know how to go on the Google?
@7: "Matt's all butthurt because I keep laughing at his beard." Provided by Dana.
I say "butthurt" aloud, not just online, and have for years. I'm also a 14-year-old boy trapped in a 24-year-old woman's body.
I'm going to start saying "butthurt" from now on.
And I'm real gay.
Wow. I haven't heard that term used since high school. We always used it to mean when someone had a legitimate grievance, and were milking it a bit more than was appropriate, to the point that it was irritating to the rest of us, but not so much that you wanted them to shut the fuck up about it, like when you do something dumb to your bf/gf and they act all hurt until you do some token thing like bring them a favorite dessert or rub their feet.
Prior to Aislinn's provided usage example, my first impression was "butthurt" = "pain in the ass"... Is this expression the new "sweeeeeeeeeeeet"?
Sounds like some of the other moderators are butthurt.
#18-24 year old woman's body.....or 14 year old girl's body?
In a celebrity roast of Bob Saget, Gilbert Godfrey did a joke using "asshurts" and the Olsen twins.....enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8wOTcv5E38
#23, 24 year old woman's body.
@25: I don't know...are you in close proximity to a mirror?
afaik, butthurt isn't gay, it's rape.
I only got a problem with it when it does.
@26: ??!
. ? ? . ?! . !
.
Butthurt isn't gay... it's bi-curious.
(ME TOO!!!)
#26, whoever you are, I think you are confused.
The only problem I have with "butthurt" is that it is making me feel old, since I have never heard of it before.
Kids these days and their "internet slang".
@23, 25, 26: What? No, I meant 24-year-old woman. I look my age, but I like teenage boy things like comic books and dick jokes and belching.
I think its like a hemorrhoid of righteous indignation...or similar.
I use butthurt all the time. It's hilarious and demeaning. Much like "don't get your panties in a bunch". Which I am sure some people find sexist for some reason. Maybe because the word panty is in it, and not undergarment?
omgrofl@shrivs
myspace!
Can we talk about MY favorite word now?
Asshat. This butthurt of which you speak is so passé.
Au tres gay!
Ugh, I've hated 'asshat' since I first saw it in a 'which circle of hell are you in' meme like four years ago.
Greg @29: Watch your language. I know what that means in Morse code...
OMG what I wouldn't do to 14 year old boy in a 24 year old woman's body. I think I just found my type.
I'm butthurt that i never heard of butthurt before.
Although a tad sophomoric, it is a useful neologism to refer to excessive sensitivity or irritability due to overly minor provocation. And as noted by johan, there is nothing particularly anti-gay about it--especially if you buy his account of it as equivalent to saying someone has something up their ass about something. (Which I wouldn't buy that as being anti-gay either).
#15 - what does "not homosexual gay but pussy gay" mean?
Dudes, butt pain is butt pain. Like what if one of your parents/uncles calls you a "pain in the ass"? Or what if your sister/best friend/cousin just "beat your ass" at Monopoly? Then there's "what's up his/her ass?" Which I feel is more closely related to being "butthurt" than either of the former. But "what's up his/her ass" is most likely implying a boot, stick, or some sort of unpleasant foreign object, not a dong.
@40: It's semaphore, dummy.
@44, it's standard teenage distinction.
Calling someone "gay" in a lot of cases doesn't refer to a perceived homosexuality at all, but a tendency towards being "soft" or "wimpy".
You know, "pussy" gay. As in "don't be a pussy". Sophomoric, but widespread.
couldn't a "vagfag" be a gay guy who hangs out with faghags?
Okay as long as we're getting into offensive terms, is it okay for a faghag to refer to herself as a faghag?
Some of the defintions in Urban Dictionary on pages 2 and 3 use terms such as faggot and reference anal sex so it would seem that there is a negative homosexual component to this phrase.
http://wiki.fandomwank.com/index.php/Butthurt
Basically, butthurt is getting offended/upset/snotty because you're taking it all a little bit too seriously. In fandom, anyway.
"Butthurt" definitely has anti-gay connotations. Almost anyone I've ever heard use it also uses "that's gay" to mean "that's no good." It's anti-gay by association, perhaps...
The only time straight dudes will mention male butts and NOT have it be anti-gay: when it's about farting. Lighting farts, "oh I just did a sweet one," etc... Which, in its own way, is pretty gay: "let's talk about my butt now. I want to draw attention to my butt."
Um yeah: I think "butthurt" has enough inherent anti-gay sentiment for me to avoid it (that is, phonetic aesthetics aside--it just sounds hiskoolerey to me, and I'm hella older than that bro).
Great post.
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