Slog - Comments on Savage Love Letter of the Day http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62 I get more letters at "Savage Love" than I could ever hope respond to in the column or in print. But until October 16 you can get a guaranteed response by going to www.noonprop8.com, making a donation of $25 or more, and sending me your question along with your donation confirmation email. I donated money to No On 8. Cool idea to set this up; thanks for taking the time to read and answer this. I'm a 21-year-old gay guy. I used to think I had a clear type of guy I was into: small, twinky, feminine, boyish bottom. I've... Copyright 2008 Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:57:51 -0800 Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:30:45 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.34 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Comment by Non He didn't say he was getting into fatties, just "traditional-looking"


Being into fatties requires self projection of worth, and it sounds like this one actually has some.

]]> Non http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165867 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165867 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:06:24 -0800 Comment by Tom I can't be the only who noticed that the letter as printed doesn't contain a question.

Even a Yale undergrad should have spotted that.

]]> Tom http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165873 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165873 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:07:09 -0800 Comment by Mr. Poe I can't say or think of anything that you haven't already said. I mean I can but it would be retarded.

Solid advice.

]]> Mr. Poe http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165902 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165902 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:15:59 -0800 Comment by Mr. Poe @2

They're not looking for an answer, they're looking for advice. They've supplied everything they've come to discover, and they're clearly looking for guidance, as their tastes are changing and those tastes obviously don't fit in to what one would normally term a typical relationship. It doesn't take more than a high school dropout to spot that.

And then there's the whole www.noonprop8.com /SL letter thing you might have missed.

]]> Mr. Poe http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165930 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165930 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:22:41 -0800 Comment by Vince This conversation is making me horny. Bye.

]]> Vince http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165952 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165952 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:28:33 -0800 Comment by Tom Yeah, I regretted my snarky post right after I clicked "post." Sorry all.

]]> Tom http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165976 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1165976 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:35:27 -0800 Comment by hmmmm most successful gay couples have some form of non-monogamy sexual encounters? really? you pulled that out of your ass, savage. without even getting into the semantics of what constitutes a "gay couple" (sexual, financial, spacial, emotional, etc.) there is no study or reputable survey that says "most successful" gay couples are open. i'm not saying it's wrong to have an open relationship, but lying to someone looking for advice to make the world conform to your viewpoint is pretty fucking pathetic.

]]> hmmmm http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166020 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166020 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:47:01 -0800 Comment by Dan Savage In his book, The Soul Beneath the Skin, David Nimmons cites numerous studies which show that 75% of gay male couples are in successful open relationships. He makes it clear that whatever you decide as a couple you should be up front, direct and honest about what the contract of your relationship is on both sides.

http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/gay039s-anatomy/200809/are-gay-male-couples-monogamous-ever-after

A researcher at the University of Windsor, Ontario, conducted a fascinating study examining gay male monogamy. What he found was that:

Monogamous value systems were most often present in:

*Younger gay couples
*Men new to gay relationships
*Men whose younger years were spent in cultures with little exposure to same-sex life

More common was an “allegiance” to masculine values of adventure and autonomy, and this extended to sexual life. Non-monogamy was often an assertion of sexual self-determination.

http://www.gaycouplesinstitute.org/blog/category/monogamy/

Blah blah blah.

]]> Dan Savage http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166121 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166121 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 14:16:23 -0800 Comment by max solomon most gay couples i know have some form of an open relationship. many are monogamous for the same reason straight couples are monogamous: pure lazyness.

]]> max solomon http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166333 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166333 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:24:33 -0800 Comment by James Excellent advice! Wish you'd been around to write to when I was 18.

]]> James http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166402 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166402 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:53:55 -0800 Comment by Providence Max @9 is absolutely write. Me and my bf have been monogamous for 17 years. We're also the laziest two fags on the planet!

]]> Providence http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166448 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166448 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 16:12:52 -0800 Comment by Non So Dan, I'm in a supposedly monogamous m/m relationship. Does that mean that I should be inherently suspicious because they don't exist?

]]> Non http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166541 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166541 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 16:50:43 -0800 Comment by chris Just cause Terry is screwing around on you when he's out on his own doesn't mean every gay relationship is open.

]]> chris http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166581 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166581 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:13:05 -0800 Comment by Greg Gettin' some catty ones up on Slog today, huh?

]]> Greg http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166604 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166604 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:22:37 -0800 Comment by Tracy Well, #14, I think it's getting kind of old. First Dan says that, for most people, committed partnerships traditionally haven't been considered as important or as worthy of respect as marriages. Now he's saying that more often than not, the basis of many successful gay relationships is due to a degree of openness.

He's right, but that doesn't make it any less annoying to read.

]]> Tracy http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166644 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166644 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:43:30 -0800 Comment by Mr. Poe Honesty will only hurt your partner when it's the honesty about last night. So obviously, you should talk about these things before you declare a relationship. It's called dating.

If you didn't think you would want to see others during dating, it's better to be honest about what you're feeling now instead of bottling it up and then having to be honest about that last night I mentioned above, where you'll hurt your partner more than anything. It's called not being a shithead.

If you met someone you really like--like a lot, but you know there are things you'll have to BS and hide in order to make that relationship happen, then you're just a creep.

Relationships are (usually) only hard when people are selfish and riddled with double-standards. Wouldn't you be happier if you played The Game the right way? M-hm. But if you're anything like me, you only learn through your mistakes. M-hm.

]]> Mr. Poe http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166720 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1166720 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:34:22 -0800 Comment by Will in Seattle Wow, Mr. Poe wins most insightful.

Seriously!

]]> Will in Seattle http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1167039 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1167039 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:27:05 -0800 Comment by Non 16 gas GOT to be a sock-puppet

lol

]]> Non http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1167061 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1167061 Savage Love Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:55:24 -0800 Comment by Dan Re: #1 It sounds that you're saying that people into fatter people lack self-worth? I think that you're wrong.

]]> Dan http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1167108 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1167108 Savage Love Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:59:52 -0800 Comment by Rich I think Dan's advice is right-on.

I'm in a long-term relationship with a man that I love deeply. Are we married? Nope, can't do that in this state. Yet, all our friends (gay and str8) say we're the most married couple they know.

Monagomous? Yes and no. Sometimes we have a three-way or play with another couple. We agreed to this from the very beginning. We both enjoy it and have never exhibited any jealousy during it. Come on guys, it gives you a chance to experience different things and kinks than you normally would at home. We don't play without eachother although we have both said we wouldn't be bothered if the other did. I will admit to being tempted but I can honestly say that my partner means too much to me to do that. Above all, I respect him and wouldn't want him to question my love for him or to hurt him. It just isn't worth it.

Hopefully, Mr. Bright College Guy will do his exploring now and then someday be mature enough to have a relationship based on respect and honesty. It sounds like he at least has a shot. I've sure met a lot of guys who never seem to figure that one out.

]]> Rich http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1167288 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/10/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_62#c1167288 Savage Love Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:30:45 -0800