Slog - Comments on My Boyfriend Doesn't Like Me to Write About Our Sex Life...

Comment by Mr. Poe

Mr. Poe — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 09:54:40 -0800

Baaahahahahah!

Comment by tiffany

tiffany — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 09:58:07 -0800

feministing generally makes good points, but they are known to err on occasion.

for instance, they supported katy perry in her endeavors to destroy the world.

i'll reluctantly admit that i'm with dan on this one.

Comment by Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:03:38 -0800

I like reading their website, but that's just fucking lame. They took what you wrote way out of context and they should of put up the whole q&a instead of just an excerpt.

Comment by Ariel

Ariel — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:05:33 -0800

Yes, it's called compromise. Compromising with someone because you love them. I feel like I learned that one from PBS as a child. Except not in relation to "milking."

Comment by Bellevue Ave

Bellevue Ave — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:05:48 -0800

some feminists are the new charles mudede; everything is framed within a context that conforms to their preconcieved worldview.

Dan Savage saying "maybe massage them balls" is now "you must have sex with men at any time, anywhere"

Comment by Providence

Providence — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:06:17 -0800

Please, oh please stop calling it "milking". What in gods' name am I going to put in my coffee now?!

Comment by Sir Learnsalot

Sir Learnsalot — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:07:02 -0800

Compromise is awesome!

Comment by Lucky

Lucky — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:09:37 -0800

Dan, you're referring to a post on Feministing Community, not a post by the Feministing writers/editors. Community posts are not edited, chosen or otherwise sanctioned by Feministing.

Comment by Sargon Bighorn

Sargon Bighorn — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:10:01 -0800

Duly Noted.

Comment by Gloria

Gloria — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:11:48 -0800

I really don't get the uproar over being a "masturbatory aid." I thought sex was all being about a masturbatory aid, just you know, more directly.

Comment by Chris in Tampa

Chris in Tampa — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:12:11 -0800

I love this comment:
"The problem I have with this, is that I was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend who badgered me for oral sex when I had a yeast infection. I said no then he grabbed my hand and tried to get me to jerk him off. I was *really* not in *any* mood for sex. Then he started fucking me in the ass and I literally had to push him off. Bye bye boyfriend. He must have been reading Dan Savage. My advice is this: masturbate!!!!"

My boyfriend sexually assaulted me; Fuck you, Dan Savage!

Comment by Bellevue Ave

Bellevue Ave — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:16:24 -0800

LMAO, Dan Savage encouraged my ex boyfriend anally rape me...

Comment by michael strangeways

michael strangeways — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:21:48 -0800

Does this "milking" thing involve a cow costume?

Comment by elenchos

elenchos — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:21:58 -0800

"Please make a note of it" is one of those Internet phrases that will get you punched in the face if you said it in person.

Comment by jonathan

jonathan — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:24:16 -0800

We arent cows, and we dont give milk!
I dunno what it is, but the terms "rubbing one out" and "milking" sound icky.

Comment by Gloria

Gloria — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:26:17 -0800

@15: Mostly because it is! Sexy times are messy. Embrace the mess.

Comment by Dominic Holden

Dominic Holden — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:28:36 -0800

jonathan @ 15) The term "rubbing one out" is hilarious. Milking, agreed, is sort of gross.

Comment by E

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:37:49 -0800

And then some feminists, like NOW Los Angeles's president Shelly Mandell, believe Sarah Palin is the apotheosis of feminism:
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2008/10/la-now-prez-on.html

Comment by Dubcek

Dubcek — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:50:33 -0800

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Comment by crazycatguy

crazycatguy — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:54:10 -0800

What's the big deal about waiting until you both feel like it? It's not like your weeny is going to fall off or your balls explode if you don't get it when you want it.

Comment by brandon

brandon — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:55:07 -0800

this is awful advice. who wants to have sex with someone who's phoning it in? this is why god invented xtube, people.

Comment by Ariel

Ariel — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:10:54 -0800

Rub the bump?

The thing is, you shouldn't be phoning it in, even when it's a compromise. That's where the "cheerfully" part comes in. The least you can do is adopt a Mother Theresa-like attitude of benevolence and kindness. Hott, right?

Comment by K

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:19:02 -0800

Feministing -- totalitarian misandry hiding behind the ubiquitous Ferarroesque shield of sexism accusations and a mantra of "men suck". Valerie Solanas would be proud.

Comment by breklor

breklor — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:19:13 -0800

90% of the commenters are defending Dan's advice. I admit, when I read it at first, I had to think it through before concluding that it was, in fact, good advice (and, in fact, my g/f does exactly that occasionally, and so have I.)

Comment by Erstegeiger

Erstegeiger — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:32:27 -0800

I just want to know what Dan and his BF were doing last night....and of course I want pics, or I won't believe it happened!

Comment by DENVEROPOLIS

DENVEROPOLIS — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:37:13 -0800

Yeah, I kind of want to know what the big secret is too. Did Terry make you dig through stacks of terrible disco vinyl? Also, you milk a prostate not a penis.

Comment by kyle [TCBITR]

kyle [TCBITR] — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:55:57 -0800

I love hearing about Dan and Terry's sex life. They are HOTTIES!

Comment by Charm

Charm — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 12:08:32 -0800

Y'know, if memory serves, the person who asked for the advice was very pleased with Dan's response, which came at the end of their correspondence. She didn't want to just tell her BF to jerk himself off, she wanted to become more sexual herself. Dan gave the lady what she wanted. Maybe it's not for you, but he wasn't answering your question.

I take comfort in seeing the number of responses supporting Dan's advice on the Feministing site. It won't do any good, but it's nice to see the clear thinkers out there. Gives me hope for your upcoming election.

Comment by Chris

Chris — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 12:10:48 -0800

Generally good advice, Dan, but keep in mind that jerking off your boyfriend (regardless of whether you're a guy or a gal) is STILL SEX, and still requires effort on the part of the giver. And there are going to be times where you're not into any sort of sexual involvement whatsoever. What, if you're flat on your back in bed with a temperature of 105, you still have to give your boyfriend a handjob if he wants it? Uh, no, don't think so.

Comment by onewink3

onewink3 — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 12:22:55 -0800

@6: How about non-dairy creamer?

Thought not.

Comment by Charm

Charm — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 12:43:26 -0800

@29 - Did you read the original letter, and the back and forth between Dan and WWW - the WWW standing for Wanna Want More? What do you suppose she wants more of? She wanted to increase her libido. Good advice for her.

And he is not suggesting that you have sex while you have viral pneumonia, just pleasure your partner occasionally even if you're not in the mood.

And last I checked, sitting on someone's face while jerking them off didn't require much effort. You'd take a bullet for someone you love, but you wouldn't jerk them off?

Comment by Gloria

Gloria — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 12:45:19 -0800

@29: Since the letter writer specifically mentioned her problem was lack of sexual desire, not a raging illness, I'm pretty sure reasonable exceptions were implied.

I'd be tempted to further say your advice to keep this in mind is silly, but it's needed, what with the commentator who basically says that Dan's advice condones rape. What next?

"Dan Savage says I still need to service my boyfriend if I'm too weak from my cancer-killing chemotherapy/just got an abortion/my grandmother just got run over by a truck? Dan, you monster!"

Comment by DeanP

DeanP — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 13:19:37 -0800

#20--are you on CRACK? Or pre-pubescent maybe?

Comment by Kat

Kat — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:44:21 -0800

Although this post originated on the Community, and not on the blog, it's not very far-fetched to think it might have been on the blog. They are not exactly pro-sex on Feministing, and I say this as someone who has been reading them for over two years.

In fact, any time Dan posts his opinion on something sexual, and Feministing does as well, they're almost always on opposite sides of the spectrum. They've tried to call him out a couple times as well, I believe.

Comment by Mike in MO

Mike in MO — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:30:29 -0800

@ 6: cum.

Comment by axm

axm — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:53:24 -0800

@34 - I agree with your comment. I actually stopped visiting that site because of that reason. It just got too depressing.

Comment by axm

axm — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:56:32 -0800

Though right after I posted that I went to their main website and they have an article up about enjoyable anal sex play. Oops.

Comment by ofelia

ofelia — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 06:22:05 -0800

@ 37: The Valenti sisters (the main forces behind the site) in particular are pretty pro sex. The sex debate still hasn't been settled among the feminist community, it really depends whether you're influenced by second or third wave.

Dan, feminists love you. Ignore the crazies!

Comment by tired of copy edting lazy Dan

tired of copy edting lazy Dan — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 07:52:47 -0800

"A" partner or "your" partner. Please pick one or the other in your second paragraph.

For fuck's sake.

Comment by Laurelgardner

Laurelgardner — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 08:26:18 -0800

Dan, please edit your post to point out that this was a feministing COMMUNITY post, not anything written by the main writers of feministing (Jessica Valenti, et al).

Not that the main writers don't say silly things or go too far from time to time (overall it's a great site, but it does suffer from feminist oversensitive paranoia occasionally), but community posts can be written by anybody and they tend to overdo things a bit more often.