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Friday, October 17, 2008

Janky Eyeball Watch 2008!

posted by on October 17 at 18:55 PM

Big thanks to everyone who participated in yesterday’s Great Fucked-Up Red Eyeball Diagnose-Off. Without your help, I might never have known that I have eyeball AIDS, and eye cancer, and I got cum in there (so that’s where I left it!). I decided to go with the “put a really hot washcloth on it and go to sleep” treatment regimen, which, I think, did my rogue eyeball a world of good. It is not nearly so rogue today. Photographic updates after the jump because they are kind of gross and boring.

Last night at midnight:
midnight.jpeg
WHOOOOOA! WTF, EYEBALL!? As you can see, the eyeball continued to get redder and more on fire over the course of the evening.

This morning at 10 am:
10am.jpeg
See? Better! Not so red. But still buuuuuuurning.

And right now:
645pm.jpeg
Even better, I think. Hooray! Great job, immune system! Fuck, I have so much backlogged navelgazing to catch up on. Gotta go. Love you guys.

RSS icon Comments

1

It's spelled c-o-m-e.

Posted by elenchos | October 17, 2008 6:58 PM
2

@1: I agree, but I'm just spelling it how the internet-doctors spelled it!

Posted by Lindy West | October 17, 2008 7:00 PM
3

Only if you were to come over for me to show you, elenchos. Lindy, the third eye pic has a WAY sexier dimension if that counts as cured.

Posted by KCip | October 17, 2008 7:02 PM
4

Your eyes are beautiful. Well, when not aflamed.

And it's spelled "cum."

Posted by sepiolida | October 17, 2008 7:42 PM
5

cum + 1

Posted by I | October 17, 2008 8:04 PM
6

You have some sexy eyes there, girlfriend.

How 'bout cumming over to my place for a little rammin' and jammin'...

Posted by Frank Sinclair | October 17, 2008 8:09 PM
7

You have some sexy eyes there, girlfriend.

How 'bout cumming over to my place for a little rammin' and jammin'...

Posted by Frank Sinclair | October 17, 2008 8:18 PM
8

Thanks for the update. I was a little concerned. And I'm not being saracstic, OK?? I really was. A little.

Posted by Creepy McWeirdo | October 17, 2008 8:42 PM
9

SoI'm guessing it was a minor case of conjuctivitis. Were you at an internet cafe or at a public computer in the past couple of days? You should be happy you didn't get MRSA.

Posted by Mr. Sa | October 17, 2008 9:02 PM
10

@1
That's how uncomfortable 6th grade sex-ed teachers introduce the "slang" word to you. Nobody spells it like that.

Posted by The CHZA | October 17, 2008 9:10 PM
11

Cum in my eye my Lord
Cum in my eye
Oh Lord
Cum in my eye

Posted by Gibby Haines | October 17, 2008 9:32 PM
12

Do not characterize your eyeball as rogue. It's a maverick.

Posted by Chingy | October 17, 2008 9:48 PM
13

@11 ==

Who broke my heart?
You did, you did
Bow to the target,
Blame cupid, cupid
You think youre smart
Stupid, stupid.

Shoot that poison cum shot in my eye
Shoot that poison cum shot
Shoot that poison cum shot in my eye
Shoot that poison cum shot!

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | October 17, 2008 11:34 PM
14


Word to the wise:

"...their neighbors allegedly unleashed a harrowing cyber attack of harassment and identity fraud that left the family fearing for their lives.

Bill and Gail Johnson, 50, who run a construction company, were charged yesterday in Lawrence District Court with identity fraud, harassment, conspiracy and filing a frivolous child abuse report. An acquaintance of the Johnsons was charged in June in connection with the case."

http://news.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view/2008_10_18_Next-Door_Nightmare:_Couple_accused_of_un-neighborly_behavior/srvc=home&position=0

Posted by Slog Lawyers | October 17, 2008 11:47 PM
15

"I have so much backlogged navelgazing to catch up on."

Let us know what you "see"!

Posted by PC | October 18, 2008 7:13 AM
16

You misspelled "rouge"

Posted by puschkin | October 18, 2008 9:33 AM
17

um, if you've ever taken a human sexuality course or read a box of condoms, it's COME you friggin ass clowns.

Posted by mike | October 18, 2008 9:52 AM
18

You can actually use either spelling. Depending whether you're illiterate or not.

Posted by elenchos | October 18, 2008 10:02 AM
19

@18 For the win.

Posted by six shooter | October 18, 2008 10:21 AM
20

I'm akshully gonna be a doctor in a few years, and I stand by my AIDS diagnosis. Please disclose to future eyeball-sex partners so that they can make informed healthcare decisions.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | October 18, 2008 12:07 PM
21

Cum on feel the noize
Girls rock your boys
We'll get wild, wild, wild!
Wild, wild, wild!

So you think I got an evil mind,
I'll tell you honey

I don't know why
I don't know why

So you think my singing's out of time,
it makes me money

I don't know why
I don't know why, anymore
Oh no

So cum on feel the noize
Girls rock your boys
We'll get wild, wild, wild
Wild, wild, wild

Cum on feel the noize
Girls rock your boys
We'll get wild, wild, wild,
get wild

So you see I got a funny face,
I got no worries
And don't know why
I don't know why

Oh i gotta sing with some disgrace,
I'm in no hurry
And I don't know why
I don't know why, anymore
no, no, no

Cum on feel the noize
Girls rock your boys
We'll get wild, wild, wild,
wild, wild, wild

Cum on feel the noize
Girls rock your boys
We'll get wild, wild, wild,
get wild
Cum on

Well you think we have a lazy time,
You should know better
I don't know why
I don't know why

So you say I got a dirty mind,
I'm a mean go getter
I don't know why
I don't know why, anymore
Oh no

Cum on feel the noize
Girls rock your boys
We'll get wild, wild, wild,
Wild, wild, wild

Cum on, feel the noize
Girls rock your boys
We'll get wild, wild, wild
get wild

Cum on (cum on) feel it
Girls rock your boys (girls rock it)
We'll get wild, wild, wild
We're gonna get wild (wild,wild,wild)

We're gonna get rocked tonight (cum on feel the noize)

Rock it tonight (girls rock your boys)
We'll get wild, wild, wild
OH YEAH!!

Ah, ah, ah (wooooo)
Ah, ah, ah

Cum on feel the noize
Girls rock your boys
We'll get wild, wild, wild

Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah.

Posted by Quiet Riot | October 18, 2008 2:46 PM
22

lindsey, i fell asleep with my hand on my pillow and made a fist somehow. after sleeping with my eye rested on my fist the entire evening, in the morning i had broken the blood vessels in my eye just by sleeping on it. my eyeball was all red and drippy for about 4 days, but also seemed more swollen than yours looks. maybe this is something that could have happened to you?

Posted by josh bomb | October 18, 2008 4:19 PM
23

that's quite the panic. I had that for over 48 hours and found out it was staph. In my EYEBALL. Didn't know it could happen. Blind for over a month and still shook up but now have a deeeeeppp appreciation for the care of auch a sensitive jello ball in my skull.

Posted by Derrick | October 18, 2008 8:13 PM

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