Comments on It's a Beautiful Day...

It'll be plenty dark outside by the 8 screening I'm going to.

OR OHIO STATE FOOTBALL!!!

O-H!

I-O, from a fan at our house!

If you'll indulge me I have a few questions for you Mr. Savage (A.K.A Grandmaster of Smut)

1. How many submissions did HUMP! get this year and how many of those made it into the festival
2. What are the Strangers criteria for wither a movie is accepted or rejected
3. Does it ever get boring or (ahem) frustrating to watch the same 8 min porn clips over and over and over again?

If you have any spare time I'd really enjoy hearing your responses…

thanks eliza, we need all the help we can get today.

Yeah! My wife and I are going with 8 of our friends to the 10pm screening tonight! We all had so much fun at last year's Hump! Do we get to watch the tapes be destroyed when it's over?

1. We got 50 submissions this year; 20 made it into the festival.

2. A jury of Stranger staff folks with an, ahem, interest in porn gather to and watch all the films, and jury members decide which films go in basically by consensus. There's no formal vote, as we're usually all in agreement. Some films are rejected for being too long; some for really poor production values (if the plot is really important and we can't hear the dialogue, that's a problem); some weren't as funny/sexy as others. We also want to make sure the festival strikes a rough balance between queer and straight, humor and hardcore, full sex and erotica—but we've never had to reject something we liked for that reason; that always seems to work itself out.

3. No!

A wonderful collection. It was a pleasure, sir.

It was a lot of fun, thanks again for all the hard work that goes into Hump each year.

Can't wait to hear which films won!

My friend and I attended out first ever Hump! this evening and we both had a great time. We only wish we had decided to check it out years ago.

It was, indeed, fabulous. Love living in this city, love the Stranger for doing shit like this. . , thanks!

@4

I think of myself as a grandmaster of smut, sadly.

3. Yes it gets boring, and I often want to stop. Fortunately, weeks go by without it. Still keep coming back to the quickies though, like a some unfulfilled faggot.

i thought most of the movies were quite boring this year... and there were too many "funny" ones that didn't show any sex... seattle isn't funny! hump 2 is still my favorite...

I am now a HUMP! 4 veteran... and i will never look at my rubber ducky the same way again

:-D

@13

I agree that it leaned a little too far towards comedy at the expense of teh hotness this year. But it was still great.

Bravo! I really enjoyed the afternoon. Thanks for putting this on and making it an annual event.

Best of show (I thought) was "Edged," but I was surprised at how many films I enjoyed. There were only two that I disliked. It seems that folks in my new city are pretty creative. Maybe I'll submit something myself next year.

@ # 4 & 7:

If anyone would like to see one of the films cut from the festival that was "too long" (@ 8 min.) please write to BoltEnterprises (at) hotmail (dot) com. There were a lot of politics behind the scenes at HUMP! 4, and certainly not all the "best" films were selected to be screened. If enough people respond, a free public screening will be arranged of the film "In Bloom." See below for comments by the HUMP! 4 Jurors themselves about this film. Please contact me if intrigued.

“Is he going to turn her completely inside out?”
“Do I have one of those inside me too?”
“That proves the existence of an evil God.”
“I can’t believe Kelly left right before that.”
“It’s like Goatse live.”
“I’ve never seen anything like that.”
“I’d like to talk to the medical board about revoking Dr. Bloom’s license.”
“What do you think her job is?”
“I expect she’s a smuggler of some sort.”

To stay on topic AND pour salt on @2 and @3 I'll add that Penn State cracked some nuts on Saturday!!

Go state! Beat the Bucks!

RUDE! when I pay 25 bucks to see film, I expect to be allowed to piss before I go home. Instead I was shoved by staff into a crowd of people causing every one to freak! Like I was a threat to the whole operation. The security staff also bragged of stealing cell phones from patrons and selling them on ebay. I loved the show but was totaly disappointed with the Strangers idea of customer service. why not take the thousands in ticket sales you made and hire real event staff? The stranger should know better.

Monkey Biz was WAY TOO LONG and frankly, I'm still wondering why people thought it was so funny. Yes, the slam on Mars Hill was great, but it just kept going and going. You guys asked them to cut In Bloom, but THIS was kept in the festival?

As in the words of the old grunge rockers on Almost Live, ULTRA LAME!

Dear Dan,

You were holding back the last 40 or so stragglers at my screening, waiting for more blank ballots. I collected extras from the people around me and handed them over and you looked right at me and said "thank you."

Thanks for that tiny, civilized moment (which was more than I get from 3/4 of my customers at work when I've gone waaaaaaaaay out of my way to fix stupid problems that were their fault) and again for all the work you and your coworkers have done these last four years.

I can't believe that you had 50 entries and you continue to put in the sexist shit that Booker Hoss puts out. Its just gross. I felt bad for a doll!!!! I am a 3 time veteran..absolutely LOVED this years entries (except above noted).

YES - i HATE Booker Hoss too. i Love the fest, but when his shit shows up i get really uncomfortable and want to leave. it is the type of thing that gives porn a bad name. It is sexist and demeaning to women. if someone submitted a movie that was racist or homophobic would you show it? i just don't think anyone is the better for seeing that film. ick

Last night, my husband and I got our Hump! cherries popped. It was great fun, and as previously mentioned, heavy on the humor and glimpses of hotness in-between. "Edged" was by far the hottest. (Just for my own thing, wish it had a straight counterpart.) I was most troubled by "Billy Learns the Hard Way" - that there was some brutal drawing of blood towards the end. It made my face hurt. Funniest - "Le Petite Mort".
Lastly, I totally, completely understand the 'cell-phones away' policy. However, I had a problem insisting that they stay turned off. I had promised someone that I could be reached in case of emergency (planned to keep phone on vibrate and would exit the theater to check the phone). Instead, with the phone off, I sat during the 1:40 on eggshells, not able to enjoy myself. I think that if someone had the intent to use a cellphone to record a vid of the event, (1) It would be quite obvious, and (2) the quality of that video would be crap. Before the screening, Dan had said something to the effect, "If you're a cardiac surgeon, plan on being unavailable for an hour and 40 minutes." I just hope you don't show up in an ER, Dan, having a heart attack, while the on-call cardiologist who is supposed to open up your choking arteries is attending Hump! (Mooting that point, actually, is that on-call docs carry pagers, anyway.) Point being, it would be helpful to emphasize this rule at the time of ticket purchase. I dunno, maybe I missed it.
BTW, there's a documentary out about the Real Doll, saw it on BBC America. Creepy, sad, and fascinating. Worth a watch.

Mad - Dr. Bloom couldn't cover?

Come on Booker Hoss was hilarious. I thought he was mocking the pay for sex porno.

so hump was exactly what I thought it would be according to viewers...comedy with sex involved. Should Hump! really be billed as a porn festival? especially with the terrible advert photos kelly O made?

I'm not a fan of Booker Hoss either, but his contribution this year wasn't as bad as what he submitted last year for Hump. That was just horrible.

Fortunately, there was nothing this year that was difficult to watch like last year's Lauren Likes Candy. That was brutal.

Another face of Booker Hoss:

http://www.youtube.com/user/lotuslova

The Ol Flag Blues clip is how I originally arrived at the channel some time ago...and saw that one of his friends outed him as BH in the comment section. A quick look at other clips on the channel (he's in most of them) confirmed his identity.

Cute kids! Doggies wearing American flags! Who knew?

Personally I like the absolutist policy on cell phones. Not just because of the danger of someone filming, but because it's fucking rude to use your cell phone in a movie.

Even with the repeated warnings I've seen people get their cell phones taken away in the last two years at Hump.

Now imagine if they said "vibrate is OK," people would figure a little texting is OK, or a short conversation is OK, if it's an emergency. And everyone thinks their stupid personal business is an emergency.

Technically, there's nothing that would stopped you from getting up and going to the bathroom to check your cell if you really had such a pressing need.

@30 - We were being told to turn off our phones *before even entering the theater*. There IS a difference between vibrate vs texting and the other things you mention. If I'd had it my way, the rule would be no cell phones out of pockets or purses, period. If you must have your phone on vibrate, you do not take your phone out until you go outside. That way, one can relax and enjoy the show. Then if gawd forbid an emergency call comes in, then one can deal with it.
Someone might say if you have such important calls to wait for then you shouldn't be watching a movie. To them I say, well. excuse me, maybe I need a little diversion in my life from serious business. I also would like some peace of mind while enjoying a good porn or 20.

"And everyone thinks their stupid personal business is an emergency."

30 - I suppose then, that someone's health and safety is stupid personal business. With all due respect, fuck you.

hump was fun! thanks stranger.

It was indeed a great festival. Loved Douche! And Humpoween! But Edging was my fave for hardcore. And Butthole Lickin'!
Monkey Business was too long.
And while I'm not a big fan of Booker Hoss, he has been submitting something since the first Hump, so it's kinda nice to reward the vets.
But thanks again Stranger. Can't wait for Porn '09.

Man, WAY TOO LONG. What DIDN'T get into this festival??? It could have been cut by a 1/3 or a half and been much better. Also, the price...21.50, pretty steep for this...to be herded in and out like cattle...geez, couldn't even use the toilet on the way out!

Also, what's with "no comments..be nice" etc??? Since when does the Stranger care about being nice to people? There were some really funny moments, but some really comment worthy moments too. It would've been a lot funner. If you submit a film to this, you should expect reactions good and bad.

It was definitely worth checking out once, but it was actually on the boring side. And incest? Not funny. Clown make up guy? Lame. Monkey film? Long and stupid. Ride the Duck? Pointless. Sunset one? OMG...what did you guys leave OUT of the festival???

I noticed during the gay films, many of the women in the audience become noticeably uncomfortable and started heckling. Not cool.

The incest film was not funny, just downright bizarre... I don't really see why it was included. The sex tour film was my least favorite, maybe because it reeked of sexism and the Obama thing at the end was not funny in the slightest.

The two funniest films, Butthole Licking and Le Petite Mort, did not include any nudity... not sure if that's bad or not.

Oh, and dedicating a film about edging to Estelle Getty? PRICELESS.

I was in a bad mood coming in due to the crowding, some weird aggression when I asked someone if I was in the right line, and the sort of over-the-top cellphone speech (I get it, privacy is important) but I was enchanted by Humpoween, straight-crushing on whoever made the rubber ducky video, and uncomfortably turned on by "Teaching Billy a Lesson."

Monkey Business was awesome but way too long (should have ended after the first dance number). Butthole Licking was incredibly funny, and the one with the witches made me wonder if it might actually be fun to have a vagina.

The fisting in the Queer montage video was a little too much for me (it also seemed a little too conscious to represent every gender, race, sexuality -- like a PC porno) and the straight couple who met on craigslist was really boring until the explosive ending. The one video that upset and confused me was the sex interview one... WTF? I felt like it was vaguely misogynist, kind-of-gross, and weirdly anti-trans? Am I being hypersensitive?

Long story short -- I left happy, laughing, and momentarily celibate.

An aside: Was I the only person who started ruminating on copyright issues involved in the soundtracks? Is charity p*rn considered "Fair Use?"

Regarding Cell Phones :
The people that give up hundreds of dollars in personal property to Stranger staffers at HUMP! are being bullied by their own ignorance. They are not the police. They can ask you to leave at any time for any reason, but that's about it.

It does, however, reflect an attitude I can't disagree with "if you're that stupid, and that much of a push-over, you deserve what you get"

I'd be doubtful if The Stranger has ever confiscated anything from anyone.

This year's HUMP! was awesome. The films are getting better and more hardcore every year. Most of them were geared toward comedy, it's true, but HUMP! never did take itself too seriously. I liked "Billy Learns the Hard Way" the best. It was the most hardcore (the violence was unexpected) and it was cool to see a film that made the audience so uncomfortable. And damn! Dad's dick was HUGE! "Douche Dry and Sandy" was great, too, especially for sci-fi fans. "Edged" had sexy guys, and the scenario was totally hot, but they lose major points for being too chicken to show there faces. I hate faceless porn! The monkey one was not really porn and waaaaayyy too long. I loved the lesbians talking about "Butthole Lickin," That shit was fucking hilarious. Way to go Seattle! You impressed me this year for sure. It must take some guts to make a movie where all your junk is hanging out there. Props to everyone who did and to The Stranger for putting on the show.