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Friday, October 3, 2008

I Am Officially Looking Forward to Soccer Coming to Seattle Now

posted by on October 3 at 13:46 PM

Edward Champion’s Reluctant Habits points to this transcript of a press conference held by Newcastle manager Joe Kinnear. If our soccer club manager holds press conferences like this one, I will buy season tickets and follow the club loyally.

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror’s north-east football writer]?

SB Me.

JK You’re a cunt.

SB Thank you.

JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you’re saying I turned up and they [Newcastle’s players] fucked off.

SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesn’t actually say that. Have you read it?

JK I’ve fucking read it, I’ve read it.

SB It doesn’t say that. Have you read it?

JK You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.

SB Have you read it, it doesn’t say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK Fuck off. Fuck off. It’s your last fucking chance.

SB You read the copy? It doesn’t say that you didn’t know.

JK What about the headline, you think that’s a good headline?

SB I didn’t write the headline, you read the copy.

JK You are negative bastards, the pair of you.

There is much more to enjoy.

RSS icon Comments


That's Newcastle for you...Sir Alex Ferguson would never speak like that in public.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | October 3, 2008 1:48 PM

JTC- perhaps that's because Sir Alex is ending cooperation with the press, apparently?

Posted by Abby | October 3, 2008 1:53 PM

Cooperation or not, he never would have done that.

Fecking Geordies...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | October 3, 2008 1:54 PM

Hey, they said expletives removed. Who knows how many there were?

Newcastle are such a mess, though. It's almost hard to laugh at them.

Posted by Abby | October 3, 2008 1:57 PM

He would if he had Newcastle's management to deal with. I have total sympathy for Joe, he's in an impossible situation. That poor club is on the verge of imploding. They're in almost as bad a way as mine is.

This is spectacularly out of character for Premiership manager interviews, though. In almost every other case, it's more like "they're a good side, but we will do our best, and hope to score goals, and hold them from scoring any of their own, and hopefully if we can do that we will be able to do well, and gain a victory, for which we hope to receive three points in the table." Soccer interviews typically make baseball interviews look like Socrates and Plato.

Posted by Fnarf | October 3, 2008 1:58 PM

Joe Kinnear is not a Geordie, any more than Ferguson is a Manc. He's Irish.

Posted by Fnarf | October 3, 2008 2:40 PM

Boyfriend, Abby, Fnarf, I love it when you go all Football Club on us. Even though I don't understand a word you are saying, God love ya.

I am hoping the Sounders FC can show the rest of Seattle's teams how something called "winning" is done.

Posted by PopTart | October 3, 2008 2:51 PM

@6, Fnarf, go wag your fickle finger of pedantry in someone else's face...I didn't call him a Geordie. I was referring to Barcodes.

That said, your impression of a footy manager interview was spectacular. But you forgot, "We're just going out to have fun and play good football."

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | October 3, 2008 2:52 PM

Shit, you already have baseball. Listen to one of Lasorda's classics from the late 80s. Heee-larious!

Besides, you should look forward to football because of the beautiful game. And guys.

Posted by Mike in MO | October 3, 2008 3:16 PM

The best football interviews of all are the foreign ones, in countries that aren't big enough to merit different translators, so all the interviews are related in the same halting monotone. "If we score, that is good. We are hoping for a good result. Whatever happens, we are trying to do our best. If we win, we will get three points", over and over.

It's like how no one ever puts the ball in the goal or in the net; it's always "in the back of the net, in the back of the net, in the back of the net".

Cliches like these give us a rock to steady ourselves again, especially when we are supporting teams that are totally unfamiliar with the back of the net or the three points.

Posted by Fnarf | October 3, 2008 3:59 PM

If I had to deal with the English "press," I'd probably be hurling insults like that too.

Posted by Greg | October 3, 2008 4:21 PM

Mike Gundy would have been about 10x better with some kind of European accent, Geordie or otherwise.

Posted by brent | October 3, 2008 4:31 PM

I'd LOVE for the Sounders to hire a Geordie manager. I love the way they talk. Can't understand a word of it, but it's beautiful. Not as tough as a Lancashire accent, but lovely.

Posted by Fnarf | October 3, 2008 6:05 PM

@13, Had ya gobs, Fnarf. Yee elwis crack an' aaal mich.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | October 3, 2008 6:48 PM

Newcastle Brown tastes mighty good.

At least they have that ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 3, 2008 8:30 PM

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