Sex “Dan Savage is an asshole.”
posted by October 20 at 10:30 AMon
Yes, yes: I’m an asshole—have I ever disputed that point? To the contrary, I’ve cheerfully admitted to being an asshole in more columns than I care to count. But re-read this post—am I being an asshole to poly people? Does that Slog post drip with anti-poly animus? Am I hating on the poly lifestyle? Here’s the post…
I’m not a big proponent of monogamy, as most everyone is certainly aware by this point, and I’m generally pro-polyamory, even if “many loves” aren’t for me. I had a hard enough time conning one dude into putting up with my shit; I can’t imagine that I could possibly con two or three dudes.
But at the risk of sounding polyphobic, I have to say that this event sounds like hell on earth…
The event that sounded like hell on earth? Not the entirety of New York Poly Pride Day, but, as the post made clear, one item on the NYPPD agenda: “The Super Massive Cuddle Party.”
Participants were invited to engage in “multi-person, multi-gender activity,” and “rediscover non-sexual touch and affection.” As friends, co-workers, and that woman who tried to embrace me in the waiting room at LAX last Friday afternoon are well aware, I don’t like to be hugged. Hugs makes me uncomfortable. If you’re not my boyfriend, my kid, or a member of my immediate family, I’m not interested in rediscovering non-sexual touch with you. Period. If Satan himself sat up nights designing torments for me in hell, he couldn’t come up with better/worse than a “Super Massive Cuddle Party.”
But, hey, like I said: I don’t have a problem with poly relationships (not for me, but I’m pro-poly), and I don’t have a problem with poly people (some of my closest friends…), all I have a problem with is hugging, cuddling, and embracing strangers. Now read these two reactions from members of the poly community. First up…
Dan Savage is an asshole. I know that’s not news, but his latest “slog” post in the Seattle Stranger demonstrates his common tendency to crap all over people and events just for the misanthropic fun of it.
It doesn’t matter that he is generally pro poly. His is the last opinion I’d value on that question. What does matter is that his toxic, scornful cynicism leads him to step on his own dick while at the same time slandering others and poisoning the minds of his readers against them.
So… when assessing someone’s opinion on all things poly, it doesn’t matter if he’s generally pro-poly. All that matters is that he signs off on every last event a poly pride celebration. Maybe the organizers of NYPPD could put that in their press releases next year? “Nothing but compliments, please. Remember we’re poly—our skin’s so thin we bleed in the rain.”
Here’s another reaction:
Dan Savage, ardent defender of the kinky and gay, is slamming a celebration of an intimate lifestyle that encourages communication, honesty (both social and individual), and is open to all walks of kink and sexual/gender affiliation…. I’d like to hear some more on why Dan Savage doesn’t like poly being out in the open in this fashion.
Who said anything about not wanting poly “out in the open”? When and where have I condemned the “intimate lifestyle” of poly people? Look, self-appointed poly spokeswhiners, I didn’t slam your celebration, or your lifestyle. I slammed your stupid cuddle party. If being pro-someone’s-intimate-lifestyle means having to sign off on every last event on its pride celebration calendar, then I guess I’m anti-gay. Because I spent a whole chapter in Skipping Towards Gomorrah ripping apart Gay Pride parades—I pissed all over the concept of gay pride.