Sex Chocolate Body Spreads Are Fattening, Stupid, Non-Erotic—And Deadly!
posted by October 20 at 17:00 PMon
Those chocolate body spreads sold in sex shops?
Do we really need to incorporate the consumption of chocolate into our sex lives? Surely we get enough chocolate in our diets as-is. And there’s nothing particularly erotic about someone smearing chocolate on your body and lapping it up—and, I’m sorry, but someone with brown gunk smeared all over his face looks like… well, there’s no nice way to say this: he looks like a scat fetishist, even if he smells a bit better. Chocolate body spreads—all flavored “sensual” body spreads—are ridiculous pseudo kinks offering up false sensuousness. Body spreads allow the sexually bored and/or desperate to “mix things up” without having to either reveal their actual dark & disturbing kinks to their sex partners or admit to themselves and their sex partners that they have no kinks and just need to make the most of the vanilla sex that they truly enjoy and stop feeling self-conscious about being vanilla and stay the hell out of sex shops.
Want another reason to avoid chocolate body spreads and the people who think they’re hot? Some of them, it seems, are made in China and—surprise!—tainted with the industrial chemical melamine.
Thanks to Slog tipper SeattleBrad.