City Beware the Eyeball Man
posted by October 30 at 10:33 AMon
This week’s Last Days features the following item:
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23 In lighter news, today brings a report of “a little weirdness at Southcenter Mall” courtesy of Hot Tipper Desiree: “I was on the lower level, buckling my little girl into her stroller when a woman walked by, pointed her finger at a man, and yelled ‘Stay away from me!’ The man was just standing there, seemingly unaware of why the woman was freaking out. Then he turned to me and said, ‘She must have seen me do this a couple weeks ago,’ after which he placed his pinkies near the outer corners of his eyes and popped his eyeballs out of their sockets. I said, ‘Yes, that’s probably why she asked you to stay away,’ and went about my business. It definitely made my trip to Southcenter worthwhile.”
Today brings a follow-up report from Hot Tipper Spencer:
Unless there are several men out there in the greater Seattle area who are fond of disturbing passersby with eyeball stunts, I’ve run into the same guy as Desiree. A couple Sundays ago, I think it was, I was walking through Pike Place Market with my boyfriend, enjoying one of the last sunny days of the year, and doing a little grocery shopping. As we turned the corner up the hill at Stewart and Pike Pl., we passed a maybe-homeless guy, who suddenly shouted, “Hey! Look at that!” I turned to look at him just in time to see his eyeballs pop out from their sockets as he chuckled to himself. As someone with a couple eye-related phobias or neuroses, I looked away as quickly as possible and hurried up the hill, though the image stayed with me for some time. (Think this, but with added pink veins.)
One of these days, his eyes are going to stick like that.