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Friday, October 31, 2008

Bangers & Mash

posted by on October 31 at 16:34 PM

There’ll always be an England

A vicar waddled into an emergency room at a hospital in Sheffield, UK complaining about a potato in his ass…. The vicar used the oldest excuse in the butt fucking manual: he fell on it.

The clergyman said he was hanging up some curtains in the nude when he accidentally fell on a potato lying on the kitchen table behind him. That damn potato! It was just laying there, in his way, all lubed up and ready to go!

Penetrating details—including the fact that the vicar had to undergo surgery to have the spud removed—are available at the Sun.

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Hanging curtains in the nude? So anyone walking past his window gets the Full Monty?

Posted by RainMan | October 31, 2008 5:12 PM

CLIVE: The worst job I ever had was with Jayne Mansfield. You know, she was a fantastic bird, you know .....
DEREK: Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE: ..... big tits, huge bum, and everything like that, but I had the terrible job of retrieving lobsters from her bum.
DEREK: Really? Bloody hell, that must have been a task.
CLIVE: Well, it was quite a task 'cause she had a big bum .....
DEREK: Well, I remember.
CLIVE: ..... and they were big lobsters.

Posted by The Artist Formerly Known As Sigourney Beaver | October 31, 2008 5:14 PM

At least he had health care.

Here, they'd leave it in.

And then charge you for doing nothing.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 31, 2008 5:19 PM

You know.

It strikes me that, if he wasn't otherwise physically injured, he could have just reached in there and picked bits of the potato out until it was small enough to remove.

Why I feel this is necessary to point out, I don't know.

Posted by Arsenic7 | October 31, 2008 5:34 PM

I thought it would at least be an elongated potato...

Posted by Ayden/VA | October 31, 2008 5:49 PM

the best part of these stories is the fact that people in these situations don't run to the hospital immediately after lodging the foreign object in their assholes. The hospital is the last resort. So imagine what this dude must have tried to get that fucker out.

Nothing better than a potato in the cornhole story.

Posted by Mike in MO | October 31, 2008 5:50 PM

A web classic: the Rectal Foreign Bodies page.
Read it and learn.

Posted by Steagle | October 31, 2008 6:07 PM

I say potato, you say ass toy, let's call the whole thing off...

Posted by ferretrick | October 31, 2008 7:42 PM

I swear this is straight out of one of Scot Augustson's Sgt Rigsby plays.

Posted by flamingbanjo | October 31, 2008 7:51 PM

Vicar? I hardly knew er!

Posted by PA Native | October 31, 2008 10:14 PM

If that potato was able to just slide on up there, then that wasn't the guy's first rodeo.

Posted by Eddie | October 31, 2008 11:30 PM

Was it a Russet or a Yukon Gold.

Posted by -B- | November 1, 2008 12:37 AM

This reminds me of the Richard Pryor routine about The Exorcist when he says "Girl! Take that cross out yer pussy!"

Posted by Vince | November 1, 2008 6:19 AM

Ya know - we may find this amusing. But such stories are like NOT gonna help defeat Prop 8...

Posted by Ayden/VA | November 1, 2008 11:20 AM

I've always wondered if there are any legitimate stories of someone actually falling in the nude and getting something up their ass. It seems to me that if someone fell with enough force to actually get something in the rectum, that there'd be quite a lot of physical trauma to the person. Bleeding and tearing and stuff.

Posted by Graham | November 1, 2008 5:44 PM

umm, potato no

but large cucumber which went slightly soft after several micro wave heat ups ...

must be persistent and get finger nails hooked in to the end and really work at it ... of course puffing joints and doing poppers helps to keep it all rational and feeling really good

am I telling secrets?

and this vicar would bet better off shelling out two c notes to a whore with a large sized collection ...

Posted by Larry in the know | November 1, 2008 7:18 PM

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