2008 What Can You See From Where You Are?
posted by September 11 at 17:12 PMon
Sarah Palin believes she’s qualified to be president because you can see Russia—actual land in actual Russia—from an Alaskan island somewhere.
First off, does anyone know if Palin has ever been to this island and actually seen Russia from it? That would seem to be relevant, right? And following Palin’s line of reasoning…
What about those astronauts on the Space Station? They can see every country on earth from up there. We could avoid all this presidential election unpleasantness if we just made one of them King of the World. And, hey, right now I can see Seattle Central Community College from my office window. Guess that qualifies me to be dean—maybe of SCCC, maybe of a rival school because, you know, Russia’s our enemy and shit.
And if I lean out my window I can see a Washington State Liquor Store—gee, I guess that qualifies me to sit on the Washington State Liquor Control Board and make up all sorts new liquor regulations for Washington state! I henceforth decree that all Jägermeister shots served in Washington must be filtered through the dirty jock straps of high-school wrestlers! Anybody that gets to the front of the beer line at Safeco Field and doesn’t know what beer they want shall henceforth be banned from the ballpark along with lip-lockin’ lesbians and douchebags in “Yankees Suck!” t-shirts! No more fences around beer gardens at public festivals! Jello shots must be made with chemical castration drugs! That smokin’ hot bartender at that one bar must work shirtless!
What can you see from where you’re at?