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Friday, September 12, 2008

This Should End Well

posted by on September 12 at 9:13 AM

levibristol.jpg

NYT:

But last Friday night, two longtime and once promising young players—Ms. Palin’s eldest, Track, and her soon to be son-in-law, Levi Johnston—were absent from the hockey arena in Wasilla as the coaches made the final cuts for the new season of the area’s elite amateur team, the Alaska Avalanche.

Track Palin, 19, is being deployed this week to Iraq with the Army, after separating his shoulder and abruptly giving up on a hockey career last year. Mr. Johnston, 18, who is about to become a father, has dropped out of Wasilla High School and also quit hockey.

“He just lost his way,” said Dan Johnston, who is a second cousin to Mr. Johnston and a hockey parent himself… In the end, hockey did not work for Levi Johnston. His grades slipped, he left school and he quit playing altogether.

Sounds to me like Levi is ready for the responsibilities of fatherhood.

RSS icon Comments

1

and this is why abortion should be an option!

Posted by Bellevue Ave | September 12, 2008 9:17 AM
2

Can't wait for him to leave her once Obama takes the office.

Posted by Mr. Poe | September 12, 2008 9:22 AM
3

Or at least adoption! If you don't want to "kill" a "baby" you could at least insure that the child will grow up in a stable, healthy environment (i.e. not with two stupid teenagers and a crazy fucking grandma).

Posted by Carollani | September 12, 2008 9:23 AM
4

Look, Dan, it's like Levi said: He's a fuckin' redneck. Anyone fucks with him he'll kick ass.

Posted by Ziggity | September 12, 2008 9:25 AM
5

And don't forget... "I don't want kids."

Posted by Dan Savage | September 12, 2008 9:27 AM
6

Lets see..eldest son ends hockey career to join the military and it all plays out just as mommy is running for VP, I think PR stunt. Wouldn't a shoulder injury that ends a hockey career also pose a problem in all the physical activities required of military personal?
As for the hottie who spooged up in Plains daughter when will he be joining the military? It seems like the American thing to do and he really does not have that many options other that gay for pay porn. I would bet it will be some time before the end of this election. I also want to know if Plains son receives any special treatment and protection while in the military?

Posted by Plan B | September 12, 2008 9:27 AM
7

@3

That isn't part of God's plan. Not here. M-hm.

Posted by Mr. Poe | September 12, 2008 9:27 AM
8

"Lost his way" my ass. He fucked his way to the White House and left that hillbilly town behind. It's the American Dream!

Posted by DOUG. | September 12, 2008 9:27 AM
9

I suppose there's some small comfort in this. Even if we do elect President Grampa in the fall, at least Sarah Palin's personal life is turning into tabloid hell.

Posted by Gurldoggie | September 12, 2008 9:29 AM
10

Dan,
Granted, Levi & Bristol have a poor chance at a successfull marriage. But, it's probably the same chance that Aun Dunham & Barack Obama, Sr. had in 1961 when they married and she was carrying Barack, Jr. Sure, hammer away at Levi & Bristol's situation but it is beating a dead horse. I can appreciate totally why the Obama campaign doesn't even want to go there.

Posted by lark | September 12, 2008 9:34 AM
11

this will only further endear the Palin family to the independent redneck undecideds. hey, my teenage daughter is pregnant, too! hey, my teenage son knocked up his GF & dropped out of HS, too! hey, my teenage son got caught stealing vodka & had to sign up to be cannon fodder, too!

that palin family is just like our family!

idiocracy.

Posted by max solomon | September 12, 2008 9:36 AM
12

DOUG nailed it, no pun intended. this kid has a promising future in the GOP. high school drop out? no problem, hell, he will be in DC attending catholic university in no time.

Posted by SeMe | September 12, 2008 9:39 AM
13

Isn't that wonderful. It looks like Levi here is responding to fatherhood much the same way Dan Savage is responding to a one-week dip in Obama's poll numbers.

Posted by cressona | September 12, 2008 9:42 AM
14

I actually feel bad for that kid. Here he is, a proud redneck, playing hockey, drinking beer, and nailin' his girlfriend. Minding his own beeswax, basically.

Then, ka-boom, dude is thrown into the national spotlight, and will no doubt be married by the end of the year. No more hockey, no more Myspace.

Yeah, Levi shoulda wrapped that shit up. Stupid. But, god, he's just a kid. He's not even related to Sarah Palin. I bet that motherfucker isn't even registered to vote.

Posted by kerri harrop | September 12, 2008 9:42 AM
15

On one hand, I'm thinking the kid has it made. He knocked up the gravy train, got a nice haircut, and doesn't have to get a high school education because he's too busy showing America the blessed power of choosing life.

But I also wonder if the poor guy's in a terrified panic, plotting his way to escape the claws of Clan Palin and the GOP before the (presumably red, white & blue themed) shotgun wedding. Is anyone laying odds on the kid just up and disappearing?

FREE LEVI!

Posted by Karla | September 12, 2008 9:42 AM
16


I bet he wished he used a condom.


But, unfortunately, he didn't learn about it in his abstinence-only sex-ed class.

Posted by GK | September 12, 2008 9:46 AM
17

“He just lost his way"

No, he found his way...to bristol's sweet 17 year old pussy.

NO SYMPATHY!

Also, LMAO @ 11...

Posted by Mike in MO | September 12, 2008 9:56 AM
18

@15: when you make that bumper sticker, i'll take 10.

Posted by max solomon | September 12, 2008 9:58 AM
19


Sounds like the American Royals are at it again...

Posted by John Bailo | September 12, 2008 9:58 AM
20

Tough to tell Slog from Us Magazine these days. OMG AK teen makes poor choices!! Could we get a weekly condensed digest for this tripe?

Posted by Eli | September 12, 2008 10:21 AM
21

Dan, your obsession with all things Bristol/Levi has rocketed past annoying and is closing in on frightening. Does someone need to scedule an intervention?

Posted by Give it a rest already | September 12, 2008 10:53 AM
22

@14 "Here he is, a proud redneck, playing hockey, drinking beer, and nailin' his girlfriend."

Have they been together long? (I really don't know, nor do I care enough to do any research about it)

I mean, I know the media's been playing it up like they've been sweethearts for a long time but in my wicked imagination, I thought of him being like, "Bristol who?? You mean that girl from my math class?? I haven't seen her since that one night when we... oh, shit!"

Posted by Talldrinkofwater | September 12, 2008 10:57 AM
23

I wouldn't have thought it possible to feel sorry for Levi, but getting mixed up with the Palin family is the worst thing that could have happened to him. Within six months, I predict he'll either be dead by his own hand or holding down a six-figure job for which he's completely unqualified. Either way, his life is never again going to be his own.

Posted by whatevernevermind | September 12, 2008 11:33 AM
24

I want a "Free Levi" sticker. I'm only a few years older than him, his stupid decision as that of a stupid, stupid teenage male makes me sort of sympathetic. If Palin wasn't in the national spotlight? He wouldn't be pressured at all. He'd either be an involved dad (which I see as unlikely, things given) or a deadbeat, but not shackled to that fucked up family. As it is...FREE the poor son of a bitch.

Posted by Leslie N. | September 12, 2008 11:33 AM
25

He is all the requirements to become a popular televangelist preacher. If he does so he will make bank.

Posted by inkweary | September 12, 2008 11:44 AM
26

Hold the phone! I agree the family is messed up, and the last thing this girl should do is make another mistake and marry this loser, but that doesn't give Levi a free pass.

He should serve as an example to Republicans everywhere. THIS is what you get when you teach abstinence only.

He should also serve as an example to teenage boys everywhere. THIS is what you get when you don't practice safe sex.

And let's not forget the girls. Bristol (my god, what messed up baby book did this woman get her children's names from? Don't let her name the baby!!!) is serving as an example to teenage girls everywhere. HE is what you get when you don't get your sex education off the internet if they teach abstinence only in your sex ed. class.

If Sarah doesn't get the VP gig, I suspect Levi will disappear quietly into the night.

Posted by Charm | September 12, 2008 11:54 AM
27

@25 should read "He *has*" not *is*.

Posted by inkweary | September 12, 2008 12:25 PM
28

@ No. 1: This is why abortion retroactive to age eighteen should be an option!

Posted by NapoleonXIV | September 12, 2008 12:27 PM
29

@26,

The thing is, that's what Republicans want. That's at least one reason why they don't give a shit that abstinence only doesn't work. That's a feature, not a bug. They want teenagers to get pregnant and then get married. Then we'll all be as miserable as the average Republican, shackled to someone you can't stand for the good of the children.

At least until the husband gets a mid-life crisis and dumps his crippled/breast cancer survivor wife for a hottie millionaire/lobbyist.

Posted by keshmeshi | September 12, 2008 12:44 PM
30

My question is, WHEN did his grades start to suffer and he quit high school?

If it was around the time when Palin got thrust into the national spotlight, Levi Johnston is one child left behind by the republicans.

Posted by Sam | September 12, 2008 1:26 PM
31

can anybody explain why (grand) mama sarah palin does not charge this kid with statutory rape? after all, he is 18 and having sex with a minor? hello family values. must we all say in unison... HYPOCRITES!

Posted by consider this | September 12, 2008 1:26 PM
32

Levi and Bristol are going to be contestants on the next season of Temptation Island.

Posted by midwaypete | September 12, 2008 1:29 PM
33

For those who asked...you shall receive:
http://www.cafepress.com/runlevirun

(For the record, I worked up a pretty nice Levi graphic, but it got flagged by the higher-ups. I'm not sure how long 'til the Palin graphic gets yoinked.)

Posted by Karla | September 12, 2008 2:51 PM
34

@ 33: I just love the infant one-sie. So apropos

Posted by Mike in MO | September 12, 2008 3:24 PM
35

theat poor poor kid, and Bristol too.

Free Levi

Posted by Free Levi | September 12, 2008 4:45 PM
36

I feel sorry for Levi--all he wanted was a little action in the back of his pickup after the monster-truck rally or whatever. And suddenly a bunch of joyless campaign operatives are getting his hair styled and dressing him up in a suit and tie so he can stand up with the family at the RNC.

A lifetime of abstinence-only education could not have prepared the poor lunk for this bullshit.

Posted by Brandon Burt | September 12, 2008 8:16 PM

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