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Friday, September 26, 2008

The Morning News

posted by on September 26 at 7:47 AM

All Your Banks Are Belong To Us: WaMu seized, sold to JPMorgan

Breakdown: Republicans stall bailout plan. McCain watches from the sidelines, awaits the cold embrace of death.

The Show Must Go On: Mississippi governor says he expects Obama/McCain debate to go on as originally planned. If McCain doesn’t show, Obama say he’lll explain how to fix economy, Iraq, etc. and will try out stand-up material he’s been working on.

Extremism: Israeli settlers start blowing shit up.

AT&T Is the New R.J. Reynolds: Cell phone execs refuse to testify before congress.

“A Scheme to Conceal From the Public”: “Uncle Ted” Stevens’ trial gets underway.

Don’t Be So Defensive: Congress slashes DARPA’s budget by $130 million.

It’ll Be Rubble By Then: Viaduct plan won’t be in place until after the election.

Stupid Idea of the Day: PETA asks Ben & Jerry’s to dump cows, switch to breast milk.

Game Over: Douchebag anti-video-game activist/attorney gets disbarred.

Grampa gets owned by ELLEN!

Bonus: I’d bet tonight’s debate goes something like this.

RSS icon Comments


Tomorrow's debate?

Posted by Dan Savage | September 26, 2008 8:20 AM

After a tumultuous Thursday night, The Stranger, a thrift paper, was bought by the Seattle Times for the reported price of a wink and a pinch.
Other potential buyers included Andrew Sullivan, Ezra Klein, and Ben Smith, who ultimately declined the asking price due to the excessive attention paid to armpits by The Stranger staff.

Stranger shareholders will reportedly be given free condoms so that they may go... themselves.

Posted by Opaque Friday | September 26, 2008 8:24 AM

There would have been a time for such a debate.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

Posted by elenchos | September 26, 2008 8:33 AM

Today will be like heroin for news junkies.

My desire to see McGoiter crash and burn today will probably be frustrated, but the opportunities for disaster are legion.

And I really hope CNN continues to use gay marriage harridan Michele Bachmann as a Repug talking head. The crazy in her eyes is magnificent to behold.

Can't wait to see what day brings!

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | September 26, 2008 8:45 AM

I'm curious as to what people will think if McCain shows up at the 11th hour before the debate begins to try and re-up his "Maverick" status, acting all triumphant and whatnot. Do you think people would actually fall for it? This is what I think will happen and in the age of reality TV etc. I fear that people won't see what an unstable move this is and get all caught up in the "maverick-ness" of it. What do you slog commentators think?

Posted by Question | September 26, 2008 8:50 AM

Breast Milk?!?!wtf They're high.

Posted by phenics | September 26, 2008 8:52 AM

Oh wait -- looks like McCain will show up after all. My theory was proven wrong. Stinks of Perot, though.

Posted by Question | September 26, 2008 8:56 AM

Those questions were coming from something called Journalists...... We wouldn't know what those are now days. Well, except for Colbert, Stewart and Maher.....

Posted by Andrew | September 26, 2008 8:57 AM

The proper spelling is pwned.

Posted by Little Red Ryan Hood | September 26, 2008 9:12 AM


Posted by DOUG. | September 26, 2008 9:13 AM

Some (banking) tragedy!

First of all, I love Wamu. They have the best web-banking site ever. Clean and clearly designed with features like being able to click on a check and see the scanned image of it when cashed!

The one thing they were missing were lots of ATMs. I had to go far and wide to find a fee-free one, but now, with the power of JP Morgan and Chase, I'll have free ATMs across the land!

This is the best "crisis" I've ever experieced!

Posted by John Bailo | September 26, 2008 9:18 AM

I'm with Mark @4. I woke up today, thinking it's like "Anything Can Happen Day" on the old-timey Mickey Mouse Club.

This Mouseketeer song has been stuck in my head for decades: Today is the day that is filled with surprises...

Posted by kerri harrop | September 26, 2008 9:26 AM


I guess the government didn't think the whole Metal Gear project has gone over so well.

Posted by Elliott | September 26, 2008 9:28 AM


With corporate icons dropping like flies and years of huge bills to pay off, in the best case scenario, I think people are looking for a little stability. The angry, erratic old man who changes his game two or three times a day would be interesting and maybe attractive in dull and placid times. Now? Not so much.

Posted by elenchos | September 26, 2008 9:33 AM

Jonah, how could you forget the pirates?

Somali pirates have a bunch of Ukranian tanks and ammunition now. No worries there, I'm sure.

p.s. Fuck PETA, let's strap them to breast milk pumping machines for a few days straight and see how they like it.

Posted by PopTart | September 26, 2008 9:39 AM

I hope McCain shows up at the last minute being all "Excelsior!" and wearing a cape.

Posted by Corneilieus J. Hertzenstein | September 26, 2008 9:42 AM

People on SLOG talk about "old men", but a lot of the ragged tattooed smelly pierced "hip" Seattle crowd look about 95 even in their twenties.

I mean, I went to a Moby show at the Paramount in 2004 and it had all the candy ravers from 1996. There were all bald and had gray on the edge of their sideboards.

Posted by John Bailo | September 26, 2008 9:43 AM

PopTart, If you pump 4 oz of breast milk in 20 minutes, four times a day, that's $480 per day for 1 hour and 20 minutes effort, considering the going rate for breast milk is $30/oz. I can think of worse ways to make a living. And lot's of women can pump two or three times that amount, easy. Even if the price crashed to $10 or $5 per oz. you'd be living quite well.

But if you go to PETA's web site to see if the breast milk story is even true, you'll find out that, yes, it is true, but their point is only that breast milk is for babies. Likewise, cows milk is for calves. Not earth-shattering.

If their goal was to make that simple point, and to get the entire freaking world talking about it, I'd say score another win for PETA's PR team. How do they do it?

Posted by elenchos | September 26, 2008 9:58 AM

That PETA story is ridiculous. They're gonna go after Ben & Jerry's!? One of the few (only?) ice cream companies that actively avoids milk from hormone-treated cows and has done so for years? One of the most socially conscious, environmentally aware, charitable corporations in this country?

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Fuck PETA and their money-grubbing, attention-whoring ways.

Posted by T | September 26, 2008 10:09 AM

@18 Fine. Whatever. PETA wins the stupid ploy to make a point game again.

Who the fuck cares anymore. The future is fucked. We probably won't be drinking cow's milk, we'll be drinking some sort of synthetic shit. If we're even alive.

Posted by PopTart | September 26, 2008 10:23 AM

#19, their point is that ben & jerry's is completely greenwashed. cow's milk is still environmentally disastrous and usually unhealthy.

i'm shocked anyone still drinks that crap anymore since there are a variety of cheaper, healthier, environmentally conscious, delicious alternatives available everywhere like rice milk, soy milk, hemp milk, almond milk, hazelnut milk, etc etc etc.

Posted by jrrrl | September 26, 2008 10:42 AM

McCain's bull about "Snctity of Mrriage" is strange coming from someone who has shown no such reverence for his own marriages. Just another Republican hypocrit. If there is any other kind!?!

Posted by Vince | September 26, 2008 11:13 AM


Yes, but none of those things taste as good in ice cream.

Posted by keshmeshi | September 26, 2008 11:25 AM

Honestly, I'm kind of excited by the idea of breast milk dairy products.

Also, where did my blood plasma yogurt go?

Posted by Greg | September 26, 2008 11:42 AM

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