I wish none of these kids was born.
If you'd support the plastic bag tax repeal, there'd be more lying around for the babies to play in, Lindy.
Best post ever.
Stupid, stupid babies.
Why do all babies have the same handwriting?
More homos = fewer babies.
@4 Stupid babies need the most attention!
When I was a baby, I wanted to be a seal when I grew up.
This post blows. It's a poor rip off of this:
"Crappy Children's Art"
Try again. Try originality.
Children have been our future for far too long.
you should write more!
Animals can't celebrate holidays because we eat animals on holidays.
At least they are forcing the babies to do haiku.
I do not approve the message of these other babies. They sound like pagan/vegan pansy ass wimps, they do not understand the threat animals are to babykind, and that animals must be destroyed, if only 'cause they try to steal attention from us babies, and that cannot stand.
Lindy, I've developed a crush on your humor and writing from your column in the Stranger. This is only encouraging it.
I've seen babies suck the life out of cats...FACT!
@14: Seconded. Lindy West is one of my favorite things about The Stranger.
LINDY WEST, IF WE HAD BABIES TOGETHER, WE COULD MAKE FUN OF THEM FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. XOXO
Do the babies live in the wire dome? Isn't that usually called a cage?
i assume these babies know that cougars sit on the edge of the woods outside playgrounds in the far eastside suburbs & watch the kids all day long.
Baby #3 clearly just made a typo. I'm pretty sure there's supposed to be a "delicious" between "more" and "animals".
My pathetic rationale for these wishes:
#1 - Child is a habitual cat tail breaker, wonders why the cat runs for the hills whenever he's around.
#2 - Child has plans to build spider-like powered exoskeleton to terrorize grown-ups, realizes that he wouldn't get close enough since people already avoid spiders as it is. Watch out for this little fucker.
#3 - Child is a selfish anti-social asshole whose only friends are choo-choo the goldfish and brambles the hamster. What a loser.
#4 - Future hacky sack pro
#5 - This kids family dog is habitually underfed and malnourished and begs like a junkie for turkey/hot dogs on thanksgiving/july 4th and is left to pout it out under the porch. They feed the leftovers to the piranha, hence the wish for "all" animals.
Not only do I have a crush on your cool name, Lindy, I freaking LOLed at my computer because of what you wrote. Good stuff... definitely write more.
i too wish seals could share their feelings. thx for this lindy.
@9 - couldn't stop laughing at the firetruck one.
ok. I'm seriously not playing dumb here. Why are we calling children babies? Clearly these aren't babies. Call me dumb if you want- but I don't get why it's funny?
That was fucking funny. Thank you.
Plastic bags are the FSM's way of saying No to Baby Rule.
Is there a reason all the notes are written in the same handwriting?
wow i'm gonna have to post a link to this article later today. I just started a site chronicling what i believe is the beginning of the great human/animal war. from what i read here, it sounds like you might believe me.
I'm going to go ahead and assume that the reason it's all in the same handwriting is because the babies, in conjunction with being little monsters who want to eat our faces, aren't too hot with the letters. Is it so hard to imagine a driving force behind this project, excising these deep dark desires from our future leaders?
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