Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day
posted by September 18 at 14:56 PM
onHmmm, written before but perhaps my concern is either too weird or not weird enough.Since my husand and I have been together he has never comforted me when I am emotional and cry. I would go to him for a hug and comfort but he always refused. After years of being hurt by this I finally confronted him for an honest answer. He said that when I cry he gets an erection, and immediatly feels like a sexual freak and so keeps me at a distance.
Any way we can deal with this other than ignoring it and me never getting comfort? We are really at a loss.
Help Us Hug
P.S. We have a great frequent sex.
Hey, this is weird: I get erections in cabs, pretty much for no reason, and it makes me feel like a sexual freak.
But I still get in cabs.
Since you know he gets erections that he can’t help when you get emotional, tell him that you’re not going to hold those erections against him. Swear you won’t resent him for getting hard. Then tell him, however, that you do resent him for withholding physical affection when you need it most.
Comments
this is great opportunity to get banged... Just do it.
he told you the truth. perhaps you should find comfort in his boner.
THAT was too much information.....
Is this guy the lead singer from VAST?
"i didn't want to hurt you baby,
i didn't want to hurt you,
i didn't want to hurt you,
but you're pretty when you cry"
I get horny when I'm sad and sex does indeed make me feel better. There's a similar sense of awkwardness when I'm around sad people, I want to comfort them, but my mind tends to stray off in the wrong direction when I do. Is this a Man/Woman thing? Any ladies out there who get horny when they're sad?
I get boners when female characters (or male, though more rarely) in video games die in a violent fashion, but I still play violent video games.
It's amazing this relationship made it to marriage. Even knowing how self-esteem issues can cripple assertion of emotional needs, I'm boggling at how refusal of comfort in time of need is not a deal breaker.
Actually, I think acting on those sadness boners is bad... next thing you know he'll be looking for ways to make your life miserable so you'll fuck him.
If we get in a cab together and you get a hard on can we have anal sex on the first date?
There's no such thing as a bad boner.
There are inconvenient boners and badly timed boners and difficult-to-hide boners but there are no bad boners.
- "No Bad Boners", by the Boner Acceptance League of Lower Syracuse
@5 Sure there are.
This letter gave me a boner. I think I'll go hug it.
My poor reading comprehension, I read this 3 times before I realized that it wasn't the hug that caused the boner. I was like, well, duh...
Anyway if I feel responsible for the crying it sure ain't making a boner, but if my girl is crying for other reasons I feel an intensification of my emotions for her, maybe even attraction. Not really that much of a stretch to imagine a boner.
1)For Dan's sake, I'm glad that Mr Poe isn't around much anymore...if he heard about that cab/boner thing, you'd see Mr Poe cruising incessantly around the Stranger offices...
2)Boners in cabs isn't that odd. They tend to have bouncy seat springs, (overly bouncy busses do the same thing to me) AND cabs frequently smell like locker rooms which makes you think of naked men which causes the boner.
My boyfriend has one at least 50% of the time he is awake. At least. All kinds of random things cause it.
I'm wondering why this person's first instinct after learning about hubby's cry-boners was "I'll ask Dan Savage!" instead of "You're supposed to get a boner when you touch me, now stop being such an unsupportive bastard!"
Did you really write "tell him that you’re not going to hold those erections against him"?
... and have him read some of ECB's posts, instant boner-killers
I'm a little suspicious of any fellow who rejects physical contact with his wife when he's aroused.
I find sex to be very comforting. Personally.
I get boners in department stores when I'm bored.
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