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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Oh, She’s Good…

posted by on September 2 at 15:44 PM

You would think the folks manning the Trojan tents would be anxious to talk about Bristol Palin.

trojanforce.jpg

But you’d be wrong. Someone from corporate must have threatened to have this woman’s reproductive organs ripped out if she got anywhere near Sarah Palin’s knocked up daughter. Because she absolutely, positively, emphatically refused to discuss Bristol Palin. She wouldn’t even fill in the blank when I said Harvey’s ______ Cream. She was actually unpleasant about it.

You would think a company out there promoting condom use (“to increase awareness of sexual health!”), and whose display included a stat about unplanned teenage pregnancies, would be anxious to discuss the lessons of Bristol Palin. Bristol wouldn’t be pregnant and engaged to be shotgunmarried to teenage hockey player who isn’t all that anxious to be a dad if she’d been using condoms, or if her parents were “evolved” enough to back comprehensive sex education and allowed their children to have access to effective birth control.

Anyway, kids, be sure to use condoms. Or you’ll wind up like… well, she who must not be named.

RSS icon Comments

1

Who's idea was it to make a lesbian hand out condoms?

Posted by sam | September 2, 2008 3:49 PM
2

Lame.

Posted by Hernandez | September 2, 2008 3:55 PM
3

I feel compelled to point out that condoms do break on occasion. Use multiple methods, people!

Posted by Emily | September 2, 2008 3:56 PM
4

I feel compelled to point out that condoms do break on occasion. Use multiple methods, people!

Posted by Emily | September 2, 2008 3:56 PM
5

I feel compelled to point out that condoms do break on occasion. Use multiple methods, people!

Posted by Emily | September 2, 2008 3:56 PM
6

Shit, sorry about that...

Posted by Emily | September 2, 2008 3:59 PM
7

I feel compelled to point out that Slog breaks on occasion. Post multiple times, people!

Posted by Mahtli69 | September 2, 2008 4:06 PM
8

I feel compelled to point out that Slog breaks on occasion. Post multiple times, people!

Posted by Mahtli69 | September 2, 2008 4:06 PM
9

Har!

Posted by Mahtli69 | September 2, 2008 4:07 PM
10

Feeling a bit overcompelled, Emily?

Posted by Mr Fuzzy | September 2, 2008 4:11 PM
11

So Dan, I know it's been a long time since you actually had to answer to anyone, and since you're basically YOU for a living maybe you've lost track of the fact that some people need their jobs and have a legitimate fear of being fired. So maybe that woman didn't want to talk to you because she's not authorized to and, while she's on the clock, she would need to be authorized in order to speak to the press. It's a whole thing with jobs, and representing your company and, again, getting fired. Maybe you wouldn't understand.

And just as an addendum to that point, something else you may want to think about: Corporate wouldn't necessarily have to threaten to sexually mutilate a woman in order for her not to want to talk to a member of the press -- even one as charming as you. I know, it's hard to imagine. But maybe you should try.

Posted by Judah | September 2, 2008 4:11 PM
12

Judah - I'm glad you took that post 100% literally. Dan sure is a moron!

Posted by Shane | September 2, 2008 4:13 PM
13

Well, I was going to say something similar to Emily so count one of her posts as mine.

Posted by PopTart | September 2, 2008 4:15 PM
14

Sam took the words out of my mouth...

It would be like asking me to work the Stayfree maxipad booth...(I have a vague idea how it all works, because I've read Judy Blume, but still...)

Posted by michael strangeways | September 2, 2008 4:21 PM
15

Dan - organize an effort to send condoms to republicans everywhere. funny

Posted by McG | September 2, 2008 4:21 PM
16

Well,

There is the obvious emily and adrian referrance.

How many times should we count bruce and the queen annes?

Is the big L a lesbian or should we break dance with the evo at the kilty pub in freemont waskoviaillicheson's in Tallahasse'

and just how do you spell tallahasselback?

what else can we throw at "scene" sounds like a rhyme and not have it affect lou ann boLbit... that fictional character that has nothing to do with the real reason we slog all day and say all night ...shut the h**L up.

say this really really fast..." speak in to the microphone a little louder would you please this is an interview with a speak into the microphone a little louder this is an interview with a ..."

now... the real question... what's behind the two astrisks in h**L up above the commandment speak into the microphone really louddd........

guess what peole...


I said it before AND NOW I'LL SAY IT DIFFERENT... DON'T TURN OFF YOUR PHONES... LEAVE THEM ON with THE EMOTICONS AND ASK YOURSELF WHAT CON MEANS.... FOR DAYS AT A TIME AND THEN HAVE MORE MEETINGS ABOUT IT SO YOU CAN SELL MORE OF THE TEXT MESSAGES THAT ARE DRIVING YOU CRAZY WITH ALL THE SOUND FREQUENCIES THAT YOU HEAR ALL THE TIME.......... GASP!!!

HELP...MUST BREATH...GASP!

P.S.

IF THE SOUND LEVELS THE CITY IS TESTING FOR BUSINESS AND GOOD REM SLEEP IS THAT IMPORTANT TO THE FEW PEOPLE WHO CAN AFFORD TO ORDER IN THE AMAZONS.... WHY DO SO MANY POOR PROPLE IN TACOMA ORDER AT THE WRONG TIME IN SEATTLE... ask the prosecution team.

another joke...

do you think blaine the mono was crazy like this in real life or is it just Dan Satterberg running through 2410 east lynn street again reading in 2008?

that's a joke son.

what else can we tell the republicans and the democrats about telecommunications bills that they don't already know?

how about the things i hear when i walk past Seattle Housing Authority Buildings and the library slams the door at the same time??????


your tired... your tired your tired of hearing it aren't you... well try living it... where would you go to vent?

Posted by danilbennettkieneker | September 2, 2008 4:22 PM
17

What the hell is the graphic on the Trojan motor coach? Kinda looks like a hyena with a chub stalking a naked (male? female?) human.

Posted by rob | September 2, 2008 4:26 PM
18

@17 well, their slogan is "evolve," so that would appear to be some sort of evolution-related graphic on the bus.

making their entire display about *two* things Republicans don't believe in.

Posted by tim | September 2, 2008 4:30 PM
19

hey... who are you gonna go after now... the real dan or the fake issue...

mutilation is torture... labial, foreskinnial are all the same to some...

it's the intent of mutilation and the intent to revenge and the stories of revenge that bug some people with politic A in the seasoning....

or is it the old standby excuse again...

the old movie referrance like pull the dangly ear ring out of the ear....


this torture I am talking about is mind torture.... the kind that makes corporate sponsors SHUT OFF YOUR POWER TO MAKE CORPORATIONS THAT HIRE PEOPLE MEN OR WOMEN GAY OR LESBIAN TO HAND OUT CONDOMS PERIOD.

Posted by danielbennettkieneker | September 2, 2008 4:32 PM
20

Um. Condoms do break, but they're really good at preventing lots of venereal diseases and usually pregnancy.

If you're doing it with someone more than once, and you're a male-female combination, you should have other birth control as well.

As well as know which ultra-right McSame/Palin-pharmacies there are you should avoid when getting emergency contraception (EC) if you forget.

Which ... um ... happens a lot more than we admit to ourselves.

Posted by Will in Seattle | September 2, 2008 4:34 PM
21

"your tired... your tired your tired of hearing it aren't you... well try living it... where would you go to vent?"

You know I think dbk has something there.

Posted by PopTart | September 2, 2008 4:35 PM
22

It is GOOD that you aspire to use what you have NOW found to be advantages... namely the gentle use of force SO THAT YOU WON"T BE A STUPID USER OF CONDOMS THAT MAY BREAK ....


good boy.. later on go get soda pop.

Posted by dan | September 2, 2008 4:40 PM
23

Would you say she was... bristoling with anger?

@21: What about my tired?

Posted by Breklor | September 2, 2008 4:45 PM
24

Judah, you're getting shrill about this. You don't want Bristol Palin's pregnancy talked about. You've made that very clear. And you're running around finding every discussion of Bristol Palin's pregnancy and throwing a hissy fit. You've been doing so for three days.

How's that working out so far? Do you really think you can make everyone stop talking about it? (Hint: No, you can't.) You need to try a YouTube video in the style of Chris Crocker. Leave Bristol ALONE!!!!!!

Or you could just get a hobby.

Posted by elenchos | September 2, 2008 4:46 PM
25

Ever since Bristol Palin has been named McCain's VP pick I have begun wondering where a good place for a public suicide would be if she one. I am glad that at least blogs like Slog, Huffington and the Daily Kos are calling Palin out on her shit, but every time I turn in the "liberal media" of MSNBC I am treated by Chris Matthews or Joe Scarborough saying how much they are impressed with Palin. I know they are pundits, and not very well respected ones at that, but it seems like MSNBC has limited Keith Olbermann into doing the weather. When he mentioned the recent US Weekly cover regarding Palin, Matthews rolled his eyes like Olbermann just took a dump in the middle of his picnic.

My quality of life has turned to shit since I got stuck in this nursing home, but if McCain and Palin get in the White House I will welcome death. I will run towards the light!

I had to vent.

Posted by elswinger | September 2, 2008 4:50 PM
26

Elswinger, I am laughing at "Ever since Bristol Palin has been named McCain's VP pick" did you write that on purpose?

Posted by PopTart | September 2, 2008 4:59 PM
27

Bristol Palin wouldn't be pregnant ... if her parents were evolved enough to back comprehensive sex education and allowed their children to have access to effective birth control.

That's about the ridiculous, absolutist, hyperbolic claim I've heard on this entire issue, and that's saying a lot. I know Dan is engaged in a spin campaign whose basic message is "vote for my candidate and every problem will disappear", but spinning this hard just makes him look dizy.

The facts are that (1) regardless of what the sex ed curriculum was in her school, Bristol Palin almost certainly knew that sex causes pregnancy, and that condoms prevent it, (2) almost certainly, she could have got hold of condoms without parental permission, (3) a subset of teenagers exposed to Dan's prefered sex ed curriculum can, do, and will continue to get knocked up, and (4) there is precious little in the way of experimentally solid, statisticaly well-controled evidence that anyone's prefered sex ed curriculum has a significant impact on teenage sex and/or pregrancy rates.

Posted by David Wright | September 2, 2008 5:00 PM
28

Yes, yes: Vote for Obama and everything will be AWESOME! That's what I've been saying for MONTHS!

Posted by Dan Savage | September 2, 2008 5:08 PM
29

Hey, David Wright. How do you know that she "almost certainly" knew all about condoms? We have data that says that kids who have had 'ignorance-based' sex ed do not, in fact, have a good grasp of what condoms are, where to get them, how to use them, or what they are good for. We have data that says that there are an awful lot of kids that match Bristol's background who are shockingly ignorant about condoms.

We also know that political leaders of the Sarah Palin stripe, and the religious leaders they cling to, habitually spread myths about condoms and other birth control devices. That condoms can't block HIV, for example, or that they frequently break when used correctly. False, but they say it all the time and their kids believe it.

Perhaps they used a condom, and used it correctly, and it failed. But based on what we know, it's reasonable to say that she might very well be totally misinformed. I'd say it is likely, given the low intelligence displayed by that family in their other decisions. "Almost certainly" knowledgeable about condoms? No way. You're nuts to say that.

Hey, David, how much do you know about Sara Palin's record of going into debt as a mayor and governor? How do her fiscal decisions strike you?

Posted by elenchos | September 2, 2008 5:38 PM
30

And, David, once again, only a fiercely loyal Republican (such as yourself) would rush to defend McCain's disastrous VP pick. If you were an independent, you'd be saying nothing, or more likely, criticizing her along with thinking people everywhere.

Posted by elenchos | September 2, 2008 5:46 PM
31
Judah, you're getting shrill about this.

Thanks for your input.

Twat.

Posted by Judah | September 2, 2008 5:52 PM
32

Elenchos: You want me to criticize Palin? I'm happy to oblige. She's way under-qualified. There is really nothing much else to say about her.

None of which has anything to do with the simple falsity of Dan's absolutest statement that, if she had shared Dan's political sentiments, her daughter would not be pregnant.

Posted by David Wright | September 2, 2008 5:56 PM
33

@25: The MSM (I know, I know) has been glad-handing the McCain campaign all along ("we brought you the donuts you like, Senator McCain -- you know, the kind with sprinkles?"), and they seem to be keeping right on in spite of the way this avalanche of scandals is breaking. It seems pretty clear to me which way our corporate masters would like us to vote, or at least to believe we voted. I suspect it's getting harder to spin now that it's reached such absurd levels of disconnect, but honestly at this point I'm so jaded that I wouldn't be surprised at being presented with polls alleging that we all trust McCain's even more now and can't wait to vote for him.

Because Palin was a "bold" and "brilliant" pick who is not at all unqualified, vindictive, myopic or batshit crazy. And up is down and the sky is orange.

Posted by flamingbanjo | September 2, 2008 6:03 PM
34

OK, fine, you win, David. Merely saying "almost certainly" would have been qualification enough to prevent the grave sin of absolutism. Congratulations on your rhetorical victory, such as it is.

Still. We know that the 2% failure rate of condoms is mostly accounted for by incorrect usage. Ignorance. So Dan's absolutist statement only failed to allow for the sliver of that 2% that gets pregnant in spite of correct usage. Pretty small slice of that pie.

Posted by elenchos | September 2, 2008 6:05 PM
35

Elenchos: The chance of a teenager getting pregnant after being subjected to Dan's prefered sex-ed treatment reduces to the condom failure rate only if 100% of teenagers subjected to Dan's preferred sex-ed treatment use condoms every time. And that is nowhere near the case.

There are some studies that seem to show that some sex-ed treatements can reduce teen pregnancy rates by small amounts -- not 98%, not 50%, more like 10%. But none of them control for other factors sufficiently to count as rigerous. (For example, the fact that the kind of parental cohort likely to endorse such a sex-ed treatment probably influences their kids to have lower pregnancy rates in other ways.)

Posted by David Wright | September 2, 2008 6:20 PM
36

hmmm, I think I get it. You see if McSame and Trophy vp are elected then they will make abortions and birth control pills illegal thus leaving the condom as the main form of birth control. By helping to elect McSame the Trojan company looks to rake in money like bandits, on par with say the GOP backed oil industries.

Posted by Sad Comment | September 2, 2008 6:23 PM
37

Maybe she didn't want to talk about it because the gossip isn't as much of a political issue as you'd like to think?
Right on, you're into the abortion debate, and right on, now you have the most bestest most wonderfullest scapegoat you could've ever dreamed for, just begging for your wise wanking.


Drop the non-issue, get back to talking about things that actually influence this election and -----stop playing into their game and feeding into the petty distractions!-----


For fucks sake.

Posted by morgi | September 2, 2008 6:27 PM
38

@35

I don't actually follow the argument you're attempting. But that's OK. No need to try again. Really.

Some day, Bristol Palin is going to sit on Oprah's couch and wail, "Oh Oprah, neither one of us even really knew what a condom was back then! I'd never really seen one! And I thought it would be made of like a mesh, OK? Like, because our pastor said there were holes for the HIV to pass through! I know! I know! Really! That's what we thought in them days, Oprah, I swear! I know!" There will be hugging, and tears. Her book will sell. It will.

Posted by elenchos | September 2, 2008 7:18 PM
39

Dan, why doesn't your camera have automatic white balance?

Posted by Fnarf | September 2, 2008 8:31 PM
40

Yes, they were at the Dem Con last week too... and drove RIGHT BEHIND the anti-abortion protest (and I shot a photo that I uploaded to the Stranger Photo Pool--click my url)

Posted by Andy Niable | September 2, 2008 8:33 PM
41

And lets not forget that access to effective birth control is clearly an issue here. According to the US Census the 2007 population estimate for Wasilla city, Alaska is 9,780. With a town that small where does one go to get condoms without your disapproving parents finding out? And especially if your parents are high profile!

Posted by clarity | September 2, 2008 8:34 PM
42

Same sex relationships vastly reduce teen pregnancy.

Posted by elswinger | September 2, 2008 8:58 PM
43

At #1 et al: That's what I popped in to say. I would have thought Trojan would want to cast people for their promotional representatives who match up to their current advertising campaign.

I also don't get why they would have the biggest, dykiest, gay-pride-iest lesbian in the Midwest handing out condoms, or why said lesbian would want to hand out condoms to a bunch of Republicans.

Posted by Hoyt Clagwell | September 2, 2008 9:28 PM
44

clarity @41; the point about small towns is a good one.

Several years ago NPR ran a story regarding a controversy over providing condoms at a high school in Maryland.

The local pharmacist (yes, just one) said he did everything he could to reduce the fear of buying condoms (including placing condom racks right at the cash register). He said he could see the kids looking at them (and maybe stealing them), but they would never, ever buy them because they knew that he knew their parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, next door neighbors.

He was adamant that condoms should be given to high school kids because they were too timid to get them on their own.

Posted by gnossos | September 2, 2008 10:05 PM
45

Maybe the condom lesbian is still in the closet...maybe she needs Dan to explain to her about how it is okay to be a lesbian and all.

Posted by Kristin Bell | September 2, 2008 11:14 PM
46

@34 "We know that the 2% failure rate of condoms is mostly accounted for by incorrect usage. Ignorance."

I'm afraid that's inaccurate. Condoms have a 2% failure rate when used PERFECTLY. That is to say, a couple using condoms consistently and appropriately over the course of entire year have a 2% chance of getting pregnant in that year.

Condoms have a 15% failure rate when used incorrectly--i.e. when used with oil-based lube, when not put on before any penis-vulva contact occurs, when torn, when used past their expiration date (i.e. old/dry/brittle), when not put on with a half-inch of space left at the tip, when not grasped firmly upon withdrawl to prevent any semen from spilling, etc., etc.

Posted by lymerae | September 3, 2008 6:49 AM
47

@24 The Chris Crocker remark is effing priceless.

@35 Please start using spell-check.

@35 "...the fact that the kind of parental cohort likely to endorse such a sex-ed treatment probably influences their kids to have lower pregnancy rates in other ways."

Ok. So, to keep the pregnancy reduction percentage number down, you want us to discount the postive influence provided by parents who approve "Dan's prefered(sic) sex-ed treatment"?

@41 Brilliant. Exactly so. ---When I was still a teenager, my family lived in a town with fewer than 5,000 residents. We had ONE(1) local pharmacy. My dad was a preacher. I didn't buy (or use) condoms.

@42 FTW !!!

@46 More reason for fact-based sex-ed.

Posted by Eddy968 | September 3, 2008 11:40 AM
48

i think that lesbian is HOT!! and im sure she uses condoms.....

Posted by jodyb | September 3, 2008 4:32 PM
49

i think that lesbian is HOT!! and im sure she uses condoms.....

Posted by jodyb | September 3, 2008 4:33 PM
50

i think that lesbian is HOT!! and im sure she uses condoms.....

Posted by jodyb | September 3, 2008 4:33 PM

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