I'm a total "god game" freak. Civ, SimCity, etc etc. so it only fits that spore is awesome.

I read The Stranger daily. I play video games daily. I visit various video game news sites and I am steeped in geekdom.

For some reason I have never really read any of your reviews. I skimmed this one as well. Not to say that there is anything wrong with your writing, but if you can't hook a Stranger regular and a video game geek, whats going on?

Personally, if you could throw in some profanity and some nudity I would be a little more likely to read your reviews in their entirety.

Also, wtf is up with you not getting advance copies for review?

Or maybe, as you point out, I don't cuss enough or post half-nekkid screen grabs from Soul Calibur 4. Though I think I can turn an interesting phrase without dropping f-bombs just for shit's fucking sake.

But think about the games/tech sites you read on a daily basis. How many of those do you read for games reviews, rather than previews, videos, or quick bits of news? I find myself rarely reading full games reviews when I surf at work or in the daytime. I was thinking about this while trolling Giant Bomb, that new Gerstmann site, two days ago.

Their reviews are a beating. Clumsily written, no humor, yet at the same time they often lack crucial info and analysis. IGN's barely better--no humor at all, though their critics at least develop a sense of voice and leave no stone unturned. And 1UP/EGM... I can't buy into their reviews these days. Always too curt w/ their criticisms, like they get a boner for attracting flame replies.

For what it's worth, I try to chop out analysis and digging in reviews because I'm in the middle of Slog, not isolated in my own nerd corner. But I also think reading about gaming nitpicks can get old. If you thought this review was too long, I was going to keep going with a fit about TH's controls; you use a second analog stick to aim attacks, but it's so imprecise compared to a similar scheme in, say, Geometry Wars. And since you almost always move your virtual dude in the same direction that you attack, the stick is wasted.

But that's so many words dedicated to a simple point: the controls kinda blow. Do we really need to turn on our geek voices--like that A/V club character in Family Guy--and do the full spiel every time? More importantly, would bashing that element to death get to the point of what's truly wrong with this game? No and no. I'm still working on this part, de-geekifying reviews and getting to the point, yet at the same time delivering enough concrete info.

Come to think of it, I can't believe I've responded to such vague criticism. Even Mr. Poe has the patience to find specific things he hates about my writing. Just read the damn things.

@rest of you: Spore... yeah. I'm still nervous about liking it. Seems too much more Sims than SimCity to me.

Anyhow, thanks for the insight.

And I am fucking looking forward to some Soul Calibur upskirts goddamit.