Hetero Super Sacred Sanctity of Marriage Watch
posted by August 14 at 9:15 AMon
Well, at least the swinging couple in Des Moines who opened their home to what sounds like some pretty raucous sex parties—fifteen mattresses, bondage crosses, sex swings, a mobile dungeon parked in the driveway—are being persecuted by their neighbors, city officials, and, judging from the photo in today’s Seattle Times, carbs. There’s comfort in all of that, I suppose. But I have a bone—heh, a bone—to pick with the Super Friends of the Super Sacred Institution of Marriage, Local Chapter (Archbishop Brunett, Rev. Hutcherson, Dino Rossi, John Carlson, the Washington State Supreme Court, et al).
Where is the outrage, gang?
I’m reading this story—which includes a picture that provides readers with a glimpse of hairy manass (look to the right and down)—and it’s the usual collapse-of-western-civilization stuff. Regan “Draco” Lane-Smith and “Naughty” Nonah Elliston are running a sex club in the suburbs, blah blah blah, and the neighbors are upset, blah blah blah, and—ZOMFG!—think of the children! (For the record: I wouldn’t want to live next door to a straight swinger’s club, or have to explain to my kid what goes on in one.) But it isn’t until paragraph nine—nine!—that we learn something that should concern the Super Friends of the Super Sacred Institution of Marriage.
Elliston, 40, and Lane-Smith, 39, met at a swingers party in Puyallup seven years ago and married three years later….
A few years into their marriage, they decided to find a house that would perfectly suit them and their hobby. They spent six months searching. They wanted to be clear of schools and churches.
Again, where’s the outrage? Marriage is, according to the Super Friends of the Super Sacred Institution of Marriage, all about children. Gay people, the SFSSIM argue, should not be allowed to marry because we don’t have children. (Except when we, you know, do.) And marriage, according to the SFSSIM, is all about monogamy, which gay men aren’t very good at.
Well, Elliston and Lane-Smith are childless and they’re clearly not monogamous—and they’re married! Legally married! Surely this legally married couple, willfully childless and cheerfully non-monogamous, represent a greater threat to the Super Sacred Sanctity of Marriage than gay couples do. For crying out loud, SFSSIM, Elliston and Lane-Smith recruit. They advertise! They encourage other straight married couples to adopt their non-monogamous lifestyle, to come to their parties, to ride on their sex swings and swim naked in their pool.
Where’s the organized movement to strip people like this—a real and present threat to the super sacred sanctity of marriage—of their right to marry?
Hello? Super Friends?