News State School Superintendent Bergeson Fails WASL, Has Serial Killer Handwriting
posted by August 7 at 11:01 AMon
By now, most of you you have probably read and reread the Stranger Election Control Board’s mind-blowing primary endorsements a few thousand times. Which means you would’ve seen this:
[Current State School Superintendent Terry] Bergeson has consistently defended the WASL as a high-stakes requirement for graduation. We decided it would be funny to present Bergeson and her challengers with a few sample questions from the WASL and she bombed the test. Bergeson only answered two out of the three questions we put to her and both her answers were wrong.
It’s totally true. Here’s the evidence:
As you already know, the SECB endorsed Bergeson’s opponent Randy Dorn. Mostly because Mr. Dorn’s tidy handwriting does not indicate a predilection for the taste of human flesh.
The three sample questions—from grades 3, 7 and 10—are from the Port Angeles School District’s website.
Answers after the break.
Tom, Dick and Harry work in a bank. One is the manager, one is the cashier and one is the teller. The teller, who was an only child, earns the least. Harry, who married Tom’s sister, earns more than the manager. What position does each person fill?
-Tom-manager; Dick-teller; Harry-cashier
Penny works in the Package Palace. It is Penny’s Job to stamp the sides of the packages that are not touching the floor and not touching another package. Today there are 25 packages on the floor. Penny put the packages in 5 stacks, and the sides of the stacks touch. How many sides of packages must Penny stamp?
The local recycling plant has just bough a new metal compactor that produces a smaller cube of scrap iron than does the older machine. Somebody noticed, however, that the combined volumes of one cube from each compactor was numerically the same as the combined lengths of all their edges. What are the dimensions of the cubes, if you consider only integral solutions?
-4 units; 2 units