No seriously, where's the photos?

The Harley riders stop laughing when I show them the first aid kit, scooter accessories, groceries, laundry and library books I can stash under my seat.

Look, the only way to look cool on a scooter is to stop being American and start being European.

Dress, act, accessorize. Don't get a typical navy blue scooter, get one that's zebra striped or hot pink or pop psychedelic swirls. Don't wear a normal helmet, get an ultra mod one and PAINT it with day glo, and buy the raddest goggles you can find.

Only then can you cruise on your scooter and do well.

Here endeth the lesson.

http://pics.livejournal.com/corpus_juris/pic/000aw3hz

That may have been the same episode that featured guests Neil Diamond, the Scorpions, Ivana Trump and Michael Jackson, who they couldn't even get to sit in a chair he was so crazy.

A pair of scooters, on the other hand, still get better milage than a single Smart Car.

Scooters for the win.

You pay $11,590 for a car that uses 300 gallons per 10,000 miles in the city, and has can't carry diddly squat. A Kia Rio, to cite only one of many examples, costs $1000 less, and uses 370 gallons per 10,000 miles. So 70 gallons a year costs you $350 extra, which means it take 3 fucking years of living without 4 doors, no back seat and no trunk before the so called "Smart" car has saved you a nickel. How is that worth it? That is some seriously retarded German engineering.

Scooters are the bomb, Mr. Schmader, and they do not make anyone look "stupid as poop." They make you look fuckable as poop, if they make you anything as poop. A scooter is basically a motorcycle for people with high IQs and more than an ounce of self-esteem. Motorcycles are massively fun and they can compensate for some feelings of inferiority, but hands down, scooters win in all categories.

Seeing a huge person in a tiny car is pretty funny, but seeing a tiny person climb into a huge SUV is also worth laughing at, though mostly just sad.

Personally, I love the fact that I can go 45 - 50 mph without having to undergo the "rub belly pat head" mechanations involved when having to use a clutch and gear-shift on top of everything else.

I will admit, though, that sometimes I wish I had a bit lower center-of-gravity, especially on tight turns and in wet weather, but it's a relatively minor trade-off, IMO.

And FWIW, my next door neighbor owns FOUR Ducati's and he has actually said complimentary things about my "Little Nellie".
Plus, about half the two-wheelers who make with the "cycle greeting" when I encounter them are bikers, so clearly there are many traditional motorcyclists who don't seem to have any problem viewing scoots as part of their larger community.

Motorcycles are fun, but scooters still win.

And, Comte, any motorcyclist who thinks scooterists aren't in the club is a douche.

Although it's tempting to go riding in shorts and a tank top when the weather is nice, just thinking about the ginormous bruises and flayed skin I endured makes me cringe a little whenever I see some scantily-clad two-wheeler.

We watch you hold up cars and buses, refuse to use your signals or even look both ways when riding thru an intersection - it doesn't matter who had right-of-way when you're dead.

Take the motorcycle safety class and maybe we'll start giving a shit about you despite your crappy attitude. Otherwise, feel free to run that high IQ into the back of a bus.

There is no 'win'. There is only 'get there alive'.

Will the MSF class help me in turn 4? Because I'm slow as fuck in turn 4 and I could really use some help there. And please don't tell me my technique sucks. I know. Douche.

I don't have a cause. I don't care if anybody scoots or motorcycles or flaps their arms and flies like a bird. It's just fucking math. Simple fucking math. Add up the total cost of ownership and explain to me how you get different numbers.

Everyone should take the MSF course, no matter what you ride. It's a crime that WA allows smaller scooters to be on the street without a motorcycle endorsement.

And motorcyclists who don't wave at scootersits have little teeny tiny penises. They need as shrink to work on their self-esteem, not a bike. Douche.

Motorcycle riders look down on scooter riders b/c they're riding scooters. The truth is, if you're riding anything less than an 850, you should sacrifice performance for style and ride a scooter.